What You Say, Keep True

What You Say Keep True

6/21/12

We have all come into contact with a person or group that has given out information and then in some manner not followed through with the information that was proclaimed.  Promises have been broken, handshakes violated and many other situations that have fallen apart after an agreement had been reached.  This brokenness is a common theme now-a-days and believing and relying upon another person’s word is ever more in doubt.   Humans, place others in precarious situations when plans or agreements fall through and it is easy to become disillusioned towards people when we get burned a couple of times.  It is very important for us to keep our words true when striking important chords with other people.  It is also important that we do not make it a habit of providing empty words because it might just come back to haunt us one day.

We have all heard of the many stories in our history concerning between the white man and the Native Americans.  It can be agreed upon that many different untruths were told by the government and also many agreements were not kept amongst the Native Americans.  Who was right and who was wrong is not the focus of this message but it is the source of the matter that takes center stage which is the words that one side said to the other.  Each side had their own personal agendas for the words that they declared but at some point there had to be some truth in those words to the other.  And at what point did the words become tainted enough to harbor such hate for the other fueled into a long war that cost many lives.  Someone had to speak an untruth which came to pass which began a downhill trend that led to bloodshed.

I recently watched an older movie in which this subject was addressed, not of the war between the government and the Native Americans but a series of words that almost led to a heartbreak between two people.  The main characters of the movie are well known and they played roles that spoke volumes to those that saw the movie, or at least it should have since everyone of us have been placed into a situation of believing another person’s words. 

A promise was made to the lady from the guy that she had met under some rotten circumstances.  Neither one of these people dated too much nor had they been out in the social scene within the big city.  The girl was a shy lady who had a female friend convinced her of going on a blind date which she reluctantly accepted but wanted to get out of the house.  The couples were to meet at a club and have an evening of dinner and dancing.  When the girl arrived with her friend they met up with the girls at the entrance of the club and it was obvious from the beginning that this girl was not appealing to her date.  In fact, another girl passed by and he struck up a conversation with her and began his duty of finding a reason to leave her for the other girl.  Her date even tried to pay for another guy to sit with her while he left.

Enter our hero who went to the club on the same night alone.  He had struggled with the idea and after contemplating it decided to go.  He was in the area and heard the conversation of the girl’s date trying to buy another guy to sit with her.  He watched the events unfold and was curious about the girl; he actually liked her and wanted to talk with her.  With the events of the evening the girl was very skeptical of him but agreed to take a walk with him.  The two left the club and began a long walking and talking session that ended up in a small diner late in the evening.  The two began to share personal information about each other and they both relaxed around each other.  The diner owner wanted to close for the evening so they continued their walk to the girl’s house.  After he realized that her house was across town he insisted on riding the bus with her and make sure she arrived to her house safely. 

They spent a few moments outside of her door and it was evident that even though it was late neither one of them wanted the evening to end but they knew that church would call on them early in the morning and that they needed to say goodnight.  Before they parted the guys asked if he could call her the next day after Mass and that they would go out again the following evening for a movie.  After the number was given she opened the door and then turned to say goodnight.  The guy did not leave the porch until the door was shut and locked.

As he walked away from her house he was a different man than before their “date” began earlier that evening.  He had actually asked a girl out for a real date and she said yes, what better way to end an evening.  He rode the bus home on cloud nine and when he arrived at the bus stop he got off and began walking to his house.  Some of his friends saw him and began harassing him about the girl that they saw him with earlier.  He calmly told them that they were wrong about her and that she and he were going to go out again tomorrow evening.  The taunting ended with most of them walking up to another friend that wanted him to join them and that they had a girl that he should meet.

He agreed to meet her while she was in the friend’s car but would not agree to go with them to another place.  The meeting really did not go well since he was not interested in what being offered and made every effort to leave in a hurry.  He scurried off in the direction of his house when his best friend found him and asked him where he had been since he did not show up for their weekly scheduled meeting place.  The guys went into the story about the girl that he had met and how well the evening had gone.  The best friend was not interested in how things went he was more concerned about what their plans were going to be for the next evening.  The guy explained that he would not be going with him because he was going out with the girl.  The best friend could not accept that what the girl had been through and what the guy did, so he left mad and said he would come back by in the morning to see if things had changed.

The next morning came with anticipation from the afternoon phone call that she was going to receive from a guy that she actually believed liked her.  She could not wait till church service was over so that she could hurry home and wait by the phone.  Service could not end soon enough but she sat patiently in service and listened to what was being said by the priest.

The guy was still on cloud nine when he woke up and anticipated the phone call to his new girl.  He did have the lingering thought of his friend coming around and reminding him of their conversation about the afternoon and evening plans, which he did since he was waiting for him to step out of his house to go to church.  To get rid of him he agreed to keep their original plans which would jeopardize his phone call to the girl.  Both guys went to church as always and sat through service just the same. 

When church was over the girl went home anticipating the call and the boy went out with his friend instead of keeping his word to the girl.  See, the meeting with the girl was something that was planned and it meant something to both the guy and the girl.  The so called meeting with the guys was something that was expected but not planned, and event that was continuous; in other words no commitment.

The girl continued to sit at home throughout the afternoon and evening waiting on the call.  She became disappointed and even angry a bit since she had felt like she had been betrayed.  The questions in her mind must have ravaged her stability and probably began to crush her new found confidence.  The guy on the other hand was totally miserable while he was with his friend, in fact they did not even talk much since the friend recognized that the guy was not happy about being there.  The internal conversation inside the guy’s head was torture since he knew he had made the incorrect choice.

Hours past and the girl continued to sit and wait trying to hold out hope for that one ring.  Her family quietly reading in the living room all the while she sat and tried to hide her tears.  The afternoon eventually became the evening and still no word from the guy, all ounce of hope had now departed since it was late in the evening and no guy would dare call at this time of night.  The guy continued his miserable settings until he had finally had enough of the mental guilt that had engulfed his thinking.  He got up and left his friend without saying too much and hurried home as soon as possible, he had to make this situation right and do what his heart wanted.

When he got home he could not wait any longer and he barely said anything to his mother who had greeted him at the door.  He found the girl’s number and picked up the phone to dial.  The girl’s phone rang only one time and she immediately picked up the receiver and the tears of pain turned into tears of relief when she heard his voice on the other side.  He quickly admitted he was wrong in not calling her and asked for her forgiveness.  He also wanted to see her for a few minutes before the evening was done to which she agreed.  His word might have been late but it was true.  He did not make excuses for his in actions but made the choice to bring back into line what was true on his own free will.

To add to this I am going to throw myself into the ring by saying that I have done this same type of act in my past; however, I really did not complete the situation as the guy did in the movie.  I have used this illustration before but I believe it is relevant to this message.

This event happened when my family was leaving Cleveland, Texas and were heading to Hobbs, New Mexico.  The trip and the entire Hobbs story is a book in itself and I will not dwell on the story now but part of it does come into play.  About two weeks before I was leaving for New Mexico, one of the popular girls in school passed me a note in one of the classes we shared.  I had hardly spoken to this girl in my four years in Cleveland and now she passes me a note.  After class I opened the note in the hall and read it and it stated that she had liked me for a while and that even though she knew I was leaving, she wanted me to know this tidbit of information.

I found her again right before school ended and I began to talk to her about the note and I could not help but asking why now?  Why didn’t she say anything to me before about the subject?  I told her that I had asked myself that very question concerning myself about her and why didn’t I asked her out after her and her boyfriend broke up.  Times passed and nothing was said until it was almost too late.  We had a bunch of things to talk about before the two weeks were over and decisions had to be made concerning our hearts.

We had precious little time with each other during those two weeks.  She began to work her Christmas break job and I was packing every day and helping my family out as much as I could which proved to be not much since my mind was elsewhere.  The moments we did share with each other were ones of still asking questions in a hurried fashion since we knew our physical time was being cut short.  I had many questions concerning the separation and so did she it was nerve racking to say the least.  But, we were kids and did not really understand the true meaning of love anyway, but maybe we would find out since we would be tested.

As the date of my departure drew closer the closeness between her and I grew and yet it was a timid fondness since we both knew the truth of the matter, that distance kills teenage relationships quite quickly.  Both of us knew that it would be tough and if it did not work out that it was not meant to be as long as both of us gave our word to the other that we would truly try and make things work.  The promises between the two of us began and other personal information flowed onto pieces of paper.  Addresses and phone numbers exchanged hands along with other family members’ names so that each person in our respective houses would know who we were.

The dreadful day arrived and we were all ready to go off and explore the desert of New Mexico.  We all knew that our departure would be an early one so we had one last opportunity to say our personal goodbyes to each other the night before in a short memorable conversation next to our trucks.  Nothing too fancy just a few moments of tranquility as two friends said goodbye not knowing what the future held for us.  As our truck pulled out of Cleveland my teenage mind could only think of one thing and it was not about the new town that we were heading towards.

As her and I expected our conversations continued almost every day for a while and we actually thought that this might work out for the better.  However, young hearts eventually expressed themselves and she became less exciting to my immediate world.  It was not really another girl but it was all of the other new things that had caught my eye.  It was my first real adventure in the west as a teenage and I found out that there were many things that I had the opportunity to try.  The church had a softball team and they needed players for their second team so I joined that league and making new friends took place as number one in my life.  Since it was winter break it was not that long until school started I was not idle very long.

As time unfolded I found myself thinking less and less of her and paying attention more to the other things that came to my door.  I eventually realized that it had almost been an entire week since I had called her and that she was no longer important enough in my immediate world to give her the courtesy of explaining what I was doing.  Yet, I did not call and end the relationship and after a few weeks of no communication from me all types of acknowledgment from each other ceased.

No communication had been achieved for almost six months and then a big shocker came, our tenure in Hobbs was over and my parents were taking a church in southeast Texas.  A town that was not very far from Cleveland and since we still had our house in Cleveland; it was inevitable that one day we would go back to Cleveland for some reason.  Of course my thoughts immediately said that I would never meet or see her again, which these thoughts were soon proven wrong. 

I remember that mom and dad wanted to go check on the house in Cleveland on a certain weekend.  Just so happens there was some type of church carnival event going on in Cleveland which mom and dad wanted to attend.  People wanted to hear the stories of Hobbs and I knew that many of my friends were going to be there so I thought it was going to be a good idea.  I had no idea that she would be in attendance, but as I look back at the situation now I should have known that there would have been no way she would not attend.

As the evening progressed I continued to notice her and her friends sitting off by themselves no doubted talking about my behavior and how much she could have harmed my physical body for not keeping my promise.  She had every right to think that and she had every right to come up to me and ask what my problem was for not keeping my words to her but she sat and waited for me to complete this task.  She sat there for quite a while which only hardened her heart towards me even more.  Even my friends were asking me if I had talked to her and they also wanted to know what was going on with us.  I was quick to say nothing was going on which they understood but not many of them agreed with my stance of not talking to her.

I eventually gave in and slowly walked over to her.  When her friends saw me coming they all scattered and left us alone to talk.  I said hi and she returned the gesture and then asked me why I stopped calling and writing.  Before I could begin my sentence she asked if I had another girlfriend and I said no.  She did not raise her head up to me very much which I understand now why she did not it was because I had hurt her so much that she could not even look at me, plus my behavior that night made things even more complicated and deepened the wound more.

I cannot say that I did not know what I was doing because I did know.  I just chose to not follow through with the things that I had said to her and then ignored the many opportunities to end things like a man.  Instead, I ended things cowardly with no truth in the matter and it was this action that really hurt her.  Our conversation did not last long and it ended with my half hearted apology to her and with her looking up into my eyes and saying “ok”.  That was the last time that I spoke to her in any capacity.  At the time I believed that I had closed that door and that nothing else would affect me in that way, but what I did not take into account was what she took from the situation and how she responded throughout the course of her lifetime.

Did my actions have an impact on her life?  Looking back at the moment now I can honestly say yes to that question.  To what extent I have no idea and I do not even know if she and I will ever have the opportunity to talk again about those fateful seven months.  I do know that if we ever do get the opportunity to talk I shall give her the apology and the respect that she deserved way back in my teenage years.  I could get slapped, yelled at or ignored, I do not know but she does deserve this from me.  I also know that God has brought this situation to my mind some months ago but He said now is the time to write about it.  I do not know why but I guess it is meant for someone out there in the world.

The old nursery rhyme “Sticks and Stones” says that words can never hurt me and oh so how wrong this rhyme is.  Our words no matter what the situation is can and probably will have some impact on another life at sometime during their lives.  We may never see them again but we should always know that what we say to others do make a mark on them.  Yes we say things when we are young that we do not mean or say things to get our way or not say anything at all to others.  It does not matter what the circumstance may be our words will provide a spark in someone directly or indirectly under those words.

Be wise in your relationships and the words that we chose to say within the confines of these relationships.  Our words are very powerful to others and we should continually keep this in mind when we talk with others.  Most of speak our words before we have an opportunity to form them correctly and then present them to others in a manner to which will be conducive to an accurate measurement of the situation.  And when this occurs then the separation has begun and there is nothing we can do to repair things as they were in the beginning; a solution must be prepared in order to restore order in this relationship.

There is only one way to accomplish this feat and that is to seek help and advice from the one being that knows us the best and that one begin is God.  You look throughout history and you notice that man has tried to fix all of the mistakes that he has made alone.  And in the next chapter of the history book we read about the consequences of those words and how others respond to the attempts of peace.  True peace and true restoration can only come from a pure source and that pure source in not from anything thing man made or any man made plan.

See man really does not know and cannot even conceive of how to repent for his actions, it takes God to transform this process through man.  Repentance comes from the heart and God knows our heart better than anyone else for He created it and knew it even before we were born.  If we knew our hearts then it would not be necessary for us to ask God to search it and to show us our evil ways or our good ways for that matter.  So, given this information only God can truly and completely fix what we messed up with our words.  In order for this to occur, we must allow God to take control of our hearts and to restore it to His standards and bring it back into line with the spiritual communication lines.

We as humans when given the opportunity will mess things up.  It is important for us to understand that our words can be guided if we allow them to be guided by God.  Repentance of our hearts, restoration of our hearts, and true forgiveness towards others is the best way to survive in this life.  Vicious words only serve to divide and hurt and if we continually do this on an individual level it will eventually spill over into our public lives which will then infect an entire community and then effects on greater numbers of people is possible.  Stop the fires of words with God and He will curb the spread of hurt.

DLB

Heart Condition Part XII

Heart Condition Part XII

6/18/12

The angle of the sun always changes the picture of anything that it radiates off of and the reservoir and hills are no exception.  As most of have sung the song America The Beautiful and have included the famous words of “purple mountains majesty” in our chorus.  I never really understood that concept until I moved out to the western side of the country.  I was a wee lad when made trips out to Colorado to visit family and the colors of the mountains was the last thing on my mind at that time.

When I moved out to Colorado in 1992 I had found a great comforting friend called the mountain and all of its glory and with living in the south most of my life the word mountain means far away in an another distant region.  I fell in love with the mountains in Colorado and I still look at them with awe and wonder each day.  But on this afternoon trip I saw the colors of the mountains change right in front of my eyes which to this day is still plastered in my mind as one of the beauties of God’s creation.  Even there were plenty of hours left in the day the angle of the sun had changed enough to form a purple tinge on the distant peaks.  I stopped and looked at the view for a few moments before I got into the van to eat my sandwich.

The temperature had dropped a tad since our arrival on the mountain which as the reason why the little girls needed to be prepared for more clothes.  They calmly put them on and began to ask if they could go down by the lake to be close to the water and to see if they could see any fish.  The three older people in the van were not finished eating yet so they had to wait until our food was eaten and then put away.  This did not take too long but I can guess it seemed like an eternity to Rachel and Rebekkah.  After the food was put away neatly in its bags we said it was time once again to go play.  We opened the van door to a much cooler sky and then closed the doors behind us and with a sound of clicking of the electronic door lock the van was quickly secure.

Reality had finally set in with Bear as he was not so eager to leave the van as everyone else was but we knew and he knew that he could not be left inside the van for any length of time that would just not be right.  He slowly began to walk as his head turned from the side of the van towards the dirt slope to the reservoir.  He was reluctant but still willing to make the trek, but I knew he was thinking about the return trip up the hill this time.

It was only a few feet to the edge of the road which led down to the loading ramp for the small boats permitted on the reservoir.  One could get to the reservoir by many means but the road was the safest since it had no dirt, dips, or rocks to trip over.  As we turned the small corner leading down to the boat ramp one could see the groups of people fishing.  Continuing to the left of the road we came close to the edge of the reservoir.  It was a quick walk down to the water’s edge where rocks lined the other edges of the reservoir which Rebekkah promptly picked one up one of these rocks and threw it into the water.  She laughed when the water made a splash when the rock collided with its surface.  I quickly remembered when my father used to take me fishing in the small ponds in the south and how he taught me to skip a rock on top of the water; different way of making noise and motion on the water but still just as fun.  As we stood on one side of the reservoir the creek that fed the reservoir was to our left and the damn for the reservoir was to our right and both side of the reservoir had no access in or out of the reservoir.  The only thing that occupied the sides of the reservoir was families fishing.

We walked around the edge of the reservoir until we came to the place where the creek that feeds the reservoir enters.  The creek is not very big but is the continual source of water supply of the reservoir and its flow is nice and steady.  Some people will fish this part of the reservoir as well since there are fish in the feeding creek and winter does not even keep some of the people that like to be cold and fish away either.  The creek has a small bridge that crosses over it and then you can hike up the other side of the reservoir.  The opposite end of the reservoir where the dam is located a person can cross there and hike up the same hill if you wish.  We chose to take the bridge access side.

The climb to the top of the hill was considerably shorter than the one across the street and really did not give any breath taking views but it was the fact that the little girls had never been on this hill before and it seemed like a great idea.  After we crossed the bridge and began our way of the hill the girls took off ahead of us which made Bear anxious so he decided to try and free himself from the leash that kept him with Bonnie and I.  Bonnie let the leash go and Bear took off in the direction that the girls were heading.  It was not difficult to know where the girls were since the sounds of their voices laughing and calling out for Bear to follow them rang out in every direction, which was the catalyst for all of the open range cows in the area to take heed and show themselves from the patches of trees that were in front of us.

The little girls did not see the cows stand up behind them and was not going to happen since their backs were facing towards the cows.  They had no clue about the cows and the cows did their part by standing there and doing nothing, not even one moo.  As the girls turned around one of them let out a scream and the other one froze in her tracks.  One of the cows let out a gentle moo and continued chewing on some grass.  Both of them had no clue what to do so they both stood there until Bonnie and I go there.  The scream alerted Bear and he began to huff and puff and then gave one of his high pitched barks towards the cows which probably had a hard time even finding where the bark came from since the grass was taller than Bear was located.

It only took a few seconds for Bonnie and I to reach the girls and by that time the cows had lost interest in the humans that had invaded their resting area.  One cow had already laid back down and a couple of others had turned away and were finding a new location to lay down.  Bonnie and I reached the girls from behind and touched them on their shoulders.  Both of their sets of eyes were still homed in on the cows and what they were doing.  They knew that they were cows but it was the first time that either one of them had been that close to an animal in the mountains which is very understandable.  You can always tell a person about something or about a situation but until that person comes face to face with that situation or condition reality does not show itself.

After the cow incident the girls stuck pretty close to the adults and the teenager; a lesson learned by experience I would say.  The remaining hike up the hill was filled with trees.  Trees surrounded us and it was unique to see the sunlight coming through the trees from our right.  The girls said it gave them the spooks and asked how much longer we were going to be there.  I told them that there was nothing to worry about and that we would not be staying too much longer since the sun was beginning to set and the temperature continued to set along with the sun.

We continued up the hill for a bit longer hoping to see more animals or anything else of interest.  We eventually reached a small clearing that had nothing but grass and fallen dead trees, at this point we came to the conclusion that not much else would be seen and decided to turn around and head back down the mountain.  Everyone was satisfied with that decision and the trek began once again but in the downward slope.  The girls did not move too far away from us even though it was an easier walk and you could tell that their cow adventure was still lingering in their minds.

As we approached the spot with the encounter with the cows the girls quickly noticed that all of the cows had gone which when this occurred their braveness reappeared and they tromped right into the area and began to look around like they had just re-conquered land that they had lost to an enemy.  All of us took a short break in the area but Bonnie, Tatem and I did not move very much since we knew that where there were cows there would be cow pies.  Sure enough, Rachel was the first one to find one.  Rebekkah soon followed and their enthusiasm for the re-conquered land faded quickly and he moved towards the trail that lead back to the road.

With the exception of a few falls from all of us in the family the downward hike went without a hitch.  Bonnie and I continued our pulling up the rear positions and then bonnie asked me how I was feeling.  I was feeling great and had no pain at all.  She looked at me and said I looked tired but did not look bad in any way.  So I immediately wondered to myself of when she would stop with all of the questions about how I was feeling then; which question has never ceased to come from lips, even to this day she asks me.  The girls reached the bridge well before us and then Bear and Tatem reached the bridge shortly after.  Bonnie told the girls to not stay on the bridge and to go ahead and cross it which they promptly ignored and inched closer to the edge of the bridge staring at the water passing under them.  Our calls out to them finally were adhered to and all of them crossed and began to climb the ten foot hill that led to the road, which then brought more calls from us to stay away from the road.

The girls actually listened to us and stayed away from the highway that ran next to the parking lot where all the cars, trucks and other vehicles were parked.  It took Bonnie and I only a few extra minutes to reach the girls.  Tatem and Bear had already headed towards the bathrooms located just up a few yards and the girls acted like they should be next in line.  I took Bear when I reached the bathrooms and he and I went into the male side of things.  I finished and came out and noticed that Tatem was still in the bathroom since the same female family line had not diminished.  I thought to myself that it was a good thing that I was a boy.

After the girls had completed the bathroom run it was time that we started for home.  As we walked back to the van I began to take one last look around at the scenery.  One after another great view appeared into my eyes as I completed a circle of scenes.  The van was opened by the electronic opener and the girls began to climb into the van shedding their heavy clothes as they got closer to their car seats.  I remained outside while the girls got buckled into their seats.  I made my way to the front of the van and leaned against the hood.  I just stood there admiring all of the things that were occurring in that one area, it was a wonderful sight and I really did not want to leave.  Bonnie came over and asked me what I was thinking and I told her that we should make it a habit of coming up here more often and to see what God has given us to enjoy.  She agreed and then asked if I was ok, which I politely told her yes.

I walked around to the passenger’s side door and opened it up as Bonnie got into her seat.  I took a quick look at the girls and all three of them were ready to leave.  While I was standing on the passenger side I also closed the sliding door after Bonnie’s door had been closed.  Bear was in between the two front seats lying down and not thinking about moving for a while.  Bear was pooped and when he was on a trip and his tiredness caught up with him he would get in one position and stay there until we got home.  The van started with its normal ease and I clicked my seat belt into place.  I looked in the rear view mirror at the girls who were in their own worlds.  I put the van in reverse and pulled out of the parking lo and got ready to enter onto the highway.

A couple of cars passed in both direction and I took another look around before I punched the gas to enter the highway.  All went smoothly and in no time we were at speed and heading back down the Mesa.  There are many spots to stop along side of the road to get out and see the sites, but all of us were tired and declined each offer that the mountain offered.  It was the same road that we travelled up so the territory was a familiar one.  I cannot argue that the change of the leaves on trees is one of the most fascinating processes that I have studied and to see hundreds of trees signal the change in the weather patterns for the next four months is beyond my comprehension, yes we know how what happens and yes we can see the process occur if we stay and watch it transpire, but to fully understand the magnitude of this spiritual and natural time piece, just as the human heart beats it calling towards God Himself is a difficult one to experience.

There was a considerable amount of traffic on the highway due to the ending of the Apple Festival in Cedaredge.  The highway that we were on crossed the entire Mesa and goes to Interstate 70 which can take you to Grand Junction or any other town along that road.  For the people going home this route was the shortest and prettiest of their options, even though the people that came from Glenwood Springs probably would differ since they would take McClure Pass home; another road that I have not travelled before.

It was quiet from the back passengers and when I looked in the rear view mirror all the girls had joined Bear by falling asleep.  One driving this road had to be careful due to the fact that in the early afternoon the deer in the area like to cross the road to visit their watering spots and since they considered themselves as owners of the land, we had to watch out for them.  No major incidents with the deer had occurred and the trek into Cedaredge was mainly uneventful.

I think now about the road down the mountain and how it is paved with modern chemicals the path itself is still winding and curvy.  Danger from many sources can appear around each corner and one may never know how close an incident could have been after we pass the area.  How may times have we completed activities within our daily confines and never know what might have happened or what did happen to another person after we had left.  Each day of our lives is another opportunity that we learn about God and everything that He has in store for our lives but because of our routines we completely miss what God is trying to relay to us.  We must open our hearts and return to our spiritual communication lines and recognize the plan God has for us.  Our path will always be in front of us and the dangers will come from nowhere but we must have our communication with God in order for us to be led in safety.

DLB

Part XIII to follow….

Heart Condition Part XI

Heart Condition Part XI

6/14/12

As we climbed the center portion of the hill the grass away from the path that had been made was about two feet tall.  It was tall enough that if dogs were to stray from their masters and hide in the grass they could perform this with ease.  The grass was beautiful though it was uniform in size and color and moved with the breeze that was coming down from the top of the hill.  The entire hill had this type of grass which only gave way in its existence to the trees and the trails up the hill.

Many sounds were coming from all directions and most of them were man made.  When a person stopped and looked around the hill one could see humans completing an array of tasks.  One family was having a picnic on a small knoll with their kids running around their belongings having the time of their lives.  Another couple was bringing their down a trail and the sound of a four wheeler was slowly making its way on a path somewhere in the near vicinity.  Everywhere you turned you could hear some type of human activity and the one thing that all of us had in common was that we all were having a good time with our respective company.

The girls were having a blast running through the tall grass which basically the same size as they were and it was hard to keep an eye on them while they were doing this.  It kind of reminded me of the old television program “Little House on the Prairie” where the scene of one of the girls running down a hill in a field of grass.  But they were having fun and that was the sole purpose for us being up there, but even then a parent’s job still has to be maintained.  The trek to the top of the hill was about three hundred to four hundred yards from the base of the hill and with the slope of the hill really let me know how bad of shape I was in when the top was conquered.

The girls were up to the top first and had listened to our instructions about them waiting on the rest of the family.  Bear was with Bonnie and I but he was not phased with any form of tiredness for him reality had not hit him yet.  As for Bonnie and I it was a short but vigorous climb and we were anxious for a quick break before deciding which trail to take.  I found a large boulder and promptly placed myself on to its side.

I heard something approaching us from behind, it was a slow and methodical sound which the girls did not recognize until the figure appeared out of the trees.  The top of the Grand Mesa is open range for cattle, it has been this way for many decades in which ranchers will bring their cattle up on the Mesa during the summer to escape the heat and for them to have plenty of grazing access.  The cattle usually stay up on the Mesa until about mid to late October, which was vastly approaching and at that time they would gather them up and take them back down to the original areas for winter.  The girls were surprised to see a cow up in the mountains and I told them that they would not see that every day.

After explaining the presence of the cows to the girls I turned and looked back down the hill across the road and up on the other hill.  At this height I could make out some of the yellow aspen leaves that were mixed in amongst the pine trees.  The green and yellow colors made for a beautiful picture and as I was sitting there looking at the scene across the road Bonnie came up and sat down beside me.  I then turned my focus on the hill that we had just climbed.  I noticed a large rock in the center of the hill and then a few more scattered along the face of the hill.  The rocks were not numerous by any means but they were large enough for one to see when given the right angle.  We had totally missed the rocks on our climb and until the conditions were right.  Now I remembered what made all of those bumps that we hit when we are sledding down the hill.

About that time Bonnie looked at me and asked me how I was feeling.  I had not even thought about it I told her because I was feeling great.  I had no pain and I was not overly tired when we reached the top of the hill.  She said I looked ok but she thought she would ask me anyway.  When I took a closer look at my inner self I confirmed my feelings, I was ok but at the same time I was a bit concerned because for what reason was I now feeling good after a few days of pain; I had no definite answer which was causing me to second guess my so called healthy state.

I took one more good look at the reservoir and its surroundings and panned my eyes around the remaining scenes of the area before returning to my feet to begin the process of choosing which trail to take.  If you have noticed I have not mentioned taking any pictures on this afternoon trip there is a reason for that, we did not bring it.  On this side of the Bishop family we have a real problem of totally forgetting our camera on trips of this sort.  Now the long vacation trips it serves no problem in remembering but the short trips the majority of the time we do not even think about the camera until the first spectacular view or some other event provokes our thoughts.  So, I am sorry not to be able to include pictures for this portion of the story for they would have been great to include as a visual aide.

The girls were having a blast picking up sticks and then running around the trees and watching them expend all of their energy made me tired for them.  They were having a blast and had not a care in the world at that moment which was one of the purposes for which we made the trip.  A took a quick look around and noticed a trail head up the way about twenty yards or so, Bonnie and I walked over to the group of trails and signs indicated the name of each trail and how long they were.  Another sign had all of the trails and the routes they took on the mountain and if they connected with other trails or just ended at some point.  The trail we chose to take was about five miles long but we knew that we would not come close in finishing it but it looked great on the wooden sign.

Everyone then gathered at the sign and we explained which trail we were taking and one of the girls asked which trail it was so Bonnie pointed to one of them that led a path that was straight in front of us and when the girls saw it they immediately took off down the trail.  Bear figured out which direction we were heading in and followed suit right behind the girls’ dust.  It seemed like the thirty second rest for everyone rejuvenated the young girls and Bear only but since Bear was on a chain Bonnie was soon being dragged behind him, the rest of us could have stayed at the trail head for a few minutes longer but that option went by the wayside.  The rest of us began to follow the girls and Bear along the trail. 

The trail was well groomed and wide enough ensure good footing while going up and down the small hills that the trail offered on a constant basis.  The mix of aspen trees with no leaves on them and the pine trees with their green branches was a refreshing site to see and a good reminder that even though some of the creations in that area “died” for a season that there are still others that represent “life” all year round.  Every so often we would have to step over a downed tree that really should be cleared but it did not look like anyone was going to get to that process anytime soon, plus some of these downed trees looked like they had been there for some time.

The trail provided every type of scenery that a small trail could, it had everything from trees to small ponds and many, many small critters running in front of you your steps startling us some times.  These creatures gave Bear fits because when one ran across the path and he saw it, it was time to start the chase and the curious Pomeranian syndrome was well in effect that afternoon.  It was good to see Bear expending a good amount of energy that day see he had been having seizures for quite some time back then and the medication that he was on continually made him sleepy and hungry so his real exercise program was basically nil. 

At times you just had to stop and take a panoramic view of the area and just stand in awe of the majesty that the area provided.  There was really not much I could say to describe the scenery because I would do the scenes a grave injustice with my description.  The only thing that I could say is that God knew exactly what He was doing when he put forth His plan for the creation of the Grand Mesa.  It was hard to keep the girls still long enough for them to do the same type of activity but they were very young and were more interested in moving about the trail which was fine in all ways. 

When all of us approached approximately half way on our trail, it met up with another trail and it was at this point that we decided to turn back around and towards the original trail head, some of us were getting hungry.  I have always found it interesting that when you travel in one direction the scenery and sights represent a certain view but when you take the same route in return the sights and views seem totally different somehow even though nothing has changed except the person is traveling.  This is exactly what happened to me on our way back to the trail head, which to this day gives me something to consider about people when I talk with them in different situations.

When we reached the trail head we stopped for a second to grab another glimpse of the reservoir and opposite hillside.  This stop is another example of how time and colors change the scenery even though the subject has not changed or moved.  The girls then took off down the hill seizing an opportunity to run a bit and ignoring the “be careful” shouts from the adults.  Bear took off as well chasing the girls which meant that Bonnie had to be next with the chain in her hand.  I stood there for a few more seconds and realized that I continued to feel great with no pain.  I also told myself that if I had climbed this hill and walked on a path for a total of a few miles that my pain was not from my heart but something else.  I started down the hill following the same path that I had taken going up the hill.  We all know that going down hills is just as tricky as going up them and the muscles that we use in both cases differ, God even took into consideration of that detail.

At the time of this afternoon trip I was continuing to try and convince myself that nothing serious was occurring in my life and by this time the next day I knew something else was going on inside my body.  After all of the entire heart attack episode was over one of my physicians came in and asked me about my events the few days prior to my heart attack.  Most of the topics that I mentioned really did not stand out to him very much because you knew that he had heard almost everything in the book.  However, when I mentioned that I went into the mountains for an extended period of time and told him of the activities that we did, this got his attention quickly and he made it very clear to me that heart problems and altitude did not mix well, which I already knew.

I cannot argue the fact that God had His hand on me that Sunday afternoon.  When I learned just how much my heart vessel was blocked I knew then that something should have happened to me up there and theoretically I should have never made it down from the mountain alive.  But God did provide protection for me and I am eternally grateful for this act of love, mercy and kindness from me.

DLB

Part XII to follow…..

Heart Condition Part X

Heart Condition Part X

6/12/12

By the time Bonnie and I’s short conversation in the van and our even shorter walk inside the house was completed we entered into the house and noticed a string of clothes leading towards the girls’ room.  Screams of excitement rang out from the back of the house which at that time we noticed Bear slowly making his way down the hall towards the back door. He gave us his famous disgusted look, the one where he was asleep and was rudely awakened by little feet, as he passed us jumping down the one step as he left the house.

Now, Bear was a very good dog and was a wonderful companion to me for many years.  He was mine when Bonnie and I got married and he loved Tatem as well.  The girls liked to dress Bear up on occasion, putting him in dolls clothing, hats, shoes and other girly outfits.  Bear was patient and kind and allowed this sort of activity to take place without any complaining whatsoever.  However, when Tigger arrived and the girls shifted their dressing up sessions to him, Bear had found peace on earth at last.

Bear was a typical pet in the fact that you could not say certain words or phrases or get food out, etc without causing his heart rate to jump ten-fold and the word mountains was one of those words that once you said it you had better make a trip to them or it was pouting city for the next few hours.  And when he was passing us by in the hall, that time proved not to be the right moment since we had a bit before we left.  WE closed the back door and began to make our way towards our bedroom so that we could change, picking up clothes as we got closer to the room.  The girls came out of their room already to go even with shoes on the correct feet; however, as you know there has to be an inspection of them before any outside trip or activity is allowed.  So, since Tatem was the first one ready of the “older” people she had the first inspection of the girls.

After a few squabbles of attire checking Tatem yelled through the door that the girls looked fine and that she was headed to the back bathroom for a bit.  Bonnie returned the voice by telling Tatem to make sure that the girls went too, if she got out before we finished changing.  Bonnie then stopped and took a hard look at me for a few moments.  I was bending over to take off my pants and did not notice her until I stood back up.  She told me that I still did not look right and that I should make an appointment with the doctor.  I responded with my promise to her and reassured her that if at any time I had any problems that I would go into the emergency room without argument.  I could tell this did not satisfy her but she was stuck with that answer for now.

Bonnie finished changing first and left the room.  The door closed behind her and I took the opportunity to perform a quick self evaluation before she returned.  I heard the main bathroom door close which said I had a bit more time to complete the chore.  Everything that I tried on myself proved that I had no pain.  Jumping jacks and a few quick high knees did not provide me with any pain, dizziness or shortness of breath, I continued to feel fine.  I then put on my tennis shoes, tied them and walked over to the door to leave the bedroom.  I opened the door and turned off the light and walked into the living room.

I asked Tatem where Bear was at and luckily he was still outside enjoying the fresh air.  I then asked Tatem to find Bear’s collar and chain and place it on the table before he came back inside.  As Tatem was getting his chain Rachel and Rebekkah opened the back screen door and Bear came jogging inside, just as Tatem placed his chain on the table.  The cat was out of the bag now since Bear knew something was up with the movement of his chain.  As Bonnie came out of the bathroom and saw everyone standing around, she looked down to see Bear shaking with excitement so she asked him the famous question “Bear mountains?”

Bear went nuts by turning around in circles, shaking like he had just seen the physical image of God and the whining topped off the dancing.  Bear loved going to the mountains and when he heard that word he would go bananas.  It was so bad that we could not even watch a program on television that would use the word mountain in the dialogue; he would have the same reaction.  It was always a joy to see all of the kids get excited about taking a drive into the mountains and since we have mountain ranges on three sides of our valley, the choices were abundant.

We had picked the Grand Mesa for this afternoon trip. It is the closest of the ranges around the area and you could actually be on its summit in about thirty minutes from Delta.  It is a pretty mountain range and is the world’s largest flat top mountain.  There are hundreds of lakes and literally thousands of trails that a person can take.  The mountain is used for all sorts of recreation activities which include both summer and winter events.  The most popular time of the year is around the end of September when, if the weather conditions hold to true form, the different colors of the various types of tree leaves on the sides and top of the Mesa are in full form.  This proves to be a great attraction for many people in and out of the local area.  There would not be too many colors remaining on this afternoon trip but we might see some while we were hiking about.

Everyone was ready to go and the appropriate attire was donned on the girls, who were really not happy about wearing so much clothing but us old folks knew that they would not last ten minutes without the heavy wear.  The girls headed outside towards the van and Bear continued his dancing around our feet begging us to get a move on so that he could see the mountains once again.  I picked up Bear and with this motion he knew that the trip was on and that nothing could stop us from leaving.  Bonnie took one final look around the kitchen and made sure all of the appliances were turned off and that the appropriate lighting was on for our time away.

I was the last one out of the house so I handed Bear to Bonnie while I locked the back door.  I turned around and Bonnie gave me the exact same and redundant question once again and I honestly responded to her that I was feeling fine.  I asked her how I was looking and she said that I looked better then than when I woke up that morning or even just an hour before.  She turned away and walked to the van which I opened her door after I had secured the back gate.  I walked around and took a glimpse of the Grand Mesa, which was a beautiful site from our front yard.  I opened my door and proceeded to fight Bear for my seat he was so excited.  The girls had occupied their spaces and were almost buckled in which at this time we heard no complaints about them having to be buckled into the car seat, some of the times past had been hairy and threats were made, some of them from us old people. J

I placed Bear into Bonnie’s lap and fastened my seat belt.  As usual the van started without any trouble and I put the gear in reverse and backed out of the curved dirt driveway.  We headed into town with no problems or hindrances.  The trip to the Grand Mesa would take only about thirty minutes tops from the time we left the house till we were at the location of our hike.  The place we had chosen was a popular spot especially in the winter when the snow was piled up high enough to slide down the small slope in inner tubes, sleds, flatten out boxes or whatever else we humans could think of that would serve the fun purpose of getting back down the bumpy hill, but in the summer the hill would serve as a great starting point of a nice moderate hike into the mountain side.

The way to get out of town would take approximately ten minutes since we lived on one end of town and had to cross the entire town before we could reach the initial highway to get to the Mesa.  Highway 92 was a straight shot to the Grand Mesa turnoff which had many fields of corn that lined both sides.  An occasional fruit and vegetable stand was perched on a corner of the road but by then the majority of these products were already off the shelves and into jars.  The straight and wide road would eventually give way to the uphill and windy road to the top of the mountain.

The ascent to the grand Mesa begins after we take highway 65 turn off towards a small community known as Cedaredge.  Cedaredge is about fifteen miles from Delta and all uphill from the highway turnoff.  It is a nice community which holds an annual festival which was ongoing this weekend but we had decided not to attend this festival this particular year.  Cedaredge is locally famous for its apples and rightly so, they area produces some of the finest apples in the entire western part of the country.  As we approached Cedaredge we could see that the turnout for the festival was heavy and when we rolled down the windows we immediately could smell the food stands and the band that was currently playing on the main stage.  It did not take us too long to get through the festivities and continue our trek to suicide hill as it is locally known as.

As we climbed up the mountain side we had to be continually aware of deer, elk and other creatures that liked to cross the road as you were approaching their domain.  Plus a person really did not want to drive too fast since all of the scenery was just gorgeous to witness and one could not help but stop and get out for a moment to breathe the clean crisp air and to admire the creation that was all around you.  After a few quick stops we all decided that it was time to get going since the daylight hours were shorter now and if we did not get up there soon our time would be limited.  The remaining portion of the trip was great and the trees and ground were noticeably preparing themselves for winter.  The majority of the leaves on the aspen trees were on the ground and the oak had already lost their red glow and gave way to the brown colors of winter.  At 9,600 feet in altitude winter temperatures come a bit early in the mountains whereas the valleys could still approach eighty degrees.

We reached our destination and the girls instinctively screamed at the same time.  A fair amount of cars were present in the area normally due to people that had the same idea that we did and others who went fishing at the beautiful reservoir just down a few feet from the highway.  Bathrooms were present in the area and that was the first order of business for the girls and me to be honest but first I had to prepare Bear for the walk.  Bear usually did not wear a collar but when he did he automatically understood that he was going somewhere he also know that he had to wear a chain.  He was always so anxious to get out of the van when he saw the trees and lakes and it was so hard for him to sit still long enough to hook the chain to the back of his collar, oh the shaking and whining that went on during this time.  It was great to watch him arrive to a place where he loved to be.  In fact, I cannot think of any reason why another human would not enjoy seeing another human reacting to being in a situation in which they loved to be in, even if you did not know that person.

I finally got the chain on Bear’s collar and sat there for a second to see what his reaction would be, Bonnie came around the front of the van and peered in the window, Bear went nuts and jumped towards the window.  I grabbed him by the chest and placed him back into my lap and then slowly opened the door.  He began his descent into Bonnie’s arms and then to the ground as she put him on the ground all the while taking the chain from my hand.  He immediately began to head over to the grassy area and of course marked his territory and then gave his ceremonial scratching dance, he was a happy boy who now was ready to conquer the hills.

All of our family have loved going into the mountains.  My family camped in the “mountains” in the south when I was a kid and I continued the trend when I was in the USAF in Utah.  The Promontory Mountain range and the Wasatch Mountain range served as my outdoor abodes on occasion.  I do have to admit once again that we do not get up in our local mountain ranges very often which is a shame because there is so much beauty to see.  Every time I do get into the mountains, and it does not matter which mountain range it is I am overwhelmed with the majesty that they portray and this visit to one of our more frequented spots was no exception. 

I then turned around and closed the van door and inhaled my first breath of the clean cool air.  It was great to smell fresh air even though the air quality in Delta is not that bad I guess a change in settings is a psychological concept more than reality in this situation.  I then walked around to the front of the van and caught a glimpse of the front end of the reservoir.  The water was deep blue coming from the feeding stream and as I made my way towards the water I could tell that the blue color continued even out to the center of the reservoir.  I stood in that spot for a few minutes and continued to gaze at the shoreline of the reservoir which was filled with people of all ages fishing.  I have never fished the reservoir but I have heard that there are some good sized fish that are to be caught if the conditions are right and by the looks of the amount of people around the entire shoreline, it was a good time.

I began to walk away from the edge of the pavement leading down to the reservoir and realized that I was the only one left on the reservoir side of the highway.  All of the others had already crossed the road and was starting up the base of the hill.  At this point I had completely forgotten that I was having any previous pain in my chest and was anxious to get on the top of the hill and find a trail to follow.  After looking both ways on the highway for vehicles I casually crossed the road and reached the dirt.  I looked up and saw that Bear and Bonnie were already a ways up the hill and all three girls were close behind them.  I knew Bear’s age would soon catch up with his enthusiasm shortly.  See, Bear would start out “guns a blazin” but his stamina would slow him down to reality in a few minutes, he was out of shape and old like us old folks were J

I took a deep breath and moved from the pavement to the dirt and began my way up to the base of the hill.  I noticed coming out of the trees to my left a family and their large dog which soon spotted Bear and his furry short legs dragging Bonnie up the hill.  Bear stopped and turned towards the dog and gave out a typical Pomeranian bark and then turned back around and continued up the hill.  The family passed without canine incident and cordially said hello as they passed.  I continued up the hill a bit further and then stopped and turned around towards the reservoir again.  I was only about seventy feet higher than the highway but even this slight change in altitude provided another spectacular view of the reservoir and now the view included a part of the hill on the opposite side.  This is why I love the mountains so much because you take travel just a few hundred yards on a road and get a completely different scene to be in awe over and the same goes when you are hiking a trail the change in scenery is mind boggling.

God loves to see his creations surprise humans and also it gives Him great joy to witness the true feelings of the heart.  Even the ones that have no clue about Him or the ones who curse him on a daily basis, it still gives Him great joy because it is a method that might one day open their hearts to His glory.  God does not care one ounce how you accept Him, He just desires your continual presence on a one on one basis.

DLB

Part XI to follow….

Heart Condition Part IX

Heart Condition Part IX

6/6/12

I am on part nine (IX) of this story and I have not even arrived to the meat of the story as of yet.  My mother asked me the other night about the details of this message and she found it fascinating of the specificity of things about something that happened almost ten years ago.  I told her that it was like I was reliving the event somehow and that it is actually scary to me in many ways but even though I have had these notes written down for a while, for some reason God told me to begin writing the story now.  He knows why and to whom this story is for and I am not going to argue with Him.  I have found out that God really does not care about time and that He will wake a person up at any point and time of the night or drop a message in a person’s head with the same time restraints during the day.  I also know that when He does pick the time give me things to write about, the subject is always clear and to the point and it is my head until I write it down which I cannot delay too much for I am human and might not remember it, which the enemy enjoys to enhance that effort.

I followed my usual routine while trying to fall asleep, by tossing and turning for a good twenty or thirty seconds and then my eyes shut and I was out for the count.  I slept wonderfully that evening and as soon as I woke up the next morning I could tell that I had rested well.  I quickly took a general survey of my health and realized that I had no pain in my body.  I then took a deep breath and had no pain in my chest of any magnitude while I was holding the air inside my lungs.  I let out the air in a long and steady release all the while still trying to find a kink somewhere in my pain free chest.  The sound of me breathing deeply woke Bonnie up in which she immediately turned over and took a long hard glance at me and then asked the inevitable first “how are you feeling” question of the day.

After I had let out of the air in my lungs I laid still for a few moments just making sure of the pain level before I answered her question.  I did not move my torso but I swiftly swung my head towards her direction and said that I had no pain and that I was feeling good, and that I had no pain and I had a full night’s sleep.  I received in return the “I am not convinced” look from Bonnie but she did not say anything for we were then interrupted by a young girl wanting to know when we were going to leave for church.  We said that it would be our usual time and for her to go get something to wear which was immediately followed with a statement that was almost incoherent as she turned and ran out of the room; all we could translate was that she needed help.

Bonnie got out of the bed and Bear was waiting at the foot of the bed wanting to have the opportunity to complete his morning business routine.  As Bonnie began to get out of the bed Bear took off towards the bedroom door and hallway, he meant business when it was time to do his business.  Bonnie told Rachel that she would be in there in a few minutes and continued towards the living room and with the sounds of Bear paw tracks one could tell that Bear had already reached the back door.  I continued to lay in the bed wondering what the day would bring but I did not move much cause I wanted to savor this no pain feeling for a long as I could; I was still hoping that it was a muscular issue.  The back door opened and the screen door made its usual metal on concrete sound as it drug open.  It made the same sound as Bonnie closed it and then the back door closed right afterwards.  Bonnie stopped in the hallway and folded the staircase that I had left down from the night before and then went to Tatem’s bedroom by way of the kitchen.

I heard Bonnie and Tatem talking but really could not recognize any words but I knew that Bonnie was talking to her and letting her know what time it was and if she wanted the bathroom first that she needed to get a move on.  I on the other hand had still not moved but soon realized that if I did not move or get out of bed that when Bonnie came back into the room she would see me in the same position and begin the inquisition session once again.  The time had come for reality to hit the ground so I pushed the covers aside and swung my feet out of the bed and my body shot up just as Bonnie veered around the corner.  As my feet touched the carpet I immediately took another deep breath and realized that I still had no pain in my chest and that I felt wonderful.  I jumped off the side of the bed and stood up and stretched for what seemed a minute.  When I completed the stretch Bonnie asked if I was ok and I could say yes without lying still.

I turned to her and asked if she was still interested in going up in the mountains after church and she said that it all depended upon how I was feeling, and at that point I was figuring that I would not have any problems that would hinder us from completing this venture.  Bonnie did not want to inform the girls of the possible mountain trip since to have their hopes dashed when the plans might have to be changed into a hospital trip, and that was basically how she put it. J  I got the point and tried to ignore the grinding of her teeth as she spoke those words and made my way towards the bathroom to take my shower.

Nothing really happened other than the normal weaving in and out of the bathroom taking turns in between each girl parading into the throne room to make sure that their appearance was tip top shape.  I had learned very quickly in the marriage of my place in line when it came to the bathroom and that there would be advancement up that chain so I dared not to buck the system.  Plus, being the only male in the house I didn’t have a prayer anyway when it came to the bathroom.  After all of the girls had completed their bathroom duties it was my turn to have my two minutes at the sink before the last wave of face and hair checks began.  Everyone looked splendid as usual and all of us began to filter towards the back door. 

Bear was let in and then the girls gave him a hug as they scampered out the door and went over by the gate.  Tatem and Bonnie were having a general conversation as the older portion of he family went out the door.  I hit the automatic unlock button on the van and the girls tried to open the sliding door.  Bonnie did not want the girls to get their dresses dirty so she let them know, in her own tone, for them to be careful.  I locked the back door and shut behind me and then in the same motion grabbed the screen door and closed it while I was turning around.  Tatem had reached the van and was beginning to assist the little girls into the van trying not to get them dirty, she did a wonderful job.

I opened the passenger van door and allowed Bonnie to get into the seat.  Looking down to make sure her skirt was not going to get closed into the door I closed the van door as she was in the process of getting on her seat belt.  I walked around the front of the van and took a quick glimpse at the Grand Mesa, the majority of the colors of the trees were gone but I thought that it would be a great idea for us to go up and see what was remaining.  I opened up the door and got into the drivers chair.  I looked at Bonnie and she asked how I was feeling and I said that I was fine.  For the first time in a couple of days Bonnie said that I looked better when she looked at me, so I took that as another positive sign and then I placed the key into the ignition.

As the van engine started Tatem was still trying to get the girls settled in their seats so Bonnie and I took the opportunity to make the final decision about the mountain trip.  I reiterated that I was fine and that it would be fun for all of us to make the trip and how good it would be to get out of the house for a while since we had spent so much time in the garden for the past few months.  Bonnie agreed but I could still sense the hesitancy in her voice as she agreed that it would be a good idea as well.  She turned and then made the general question to the girls if they would like to go to the mountains after church?  Rebekkah immediately asked where would we eat lunch and Rachel placed a huge grin on her face while nodding her head and of course Tatem had no problems with it either.  The mood of the van electrified with the excitement from the girls and final planning went on while the van had its few moments of warming up before heading to church.

I am not going to dwell on the church issues right at this moment.  At this time mom and dad had retired and dad, dad had his double knee surgery and stroke immediately afterwards and my interrupted sleep patterns by God had begun.  I had no clue during this time that God was about to change my life in many ways, and in ways that I would never dreamt about.  I am not going to go into the details of our struggles with our church because it really does not have its place in this part of the story; in other parts of the story it will be relevant but not at this juncture.  I will say that Bonnie continued to have her doubts about my pain level during church but I could honestly say once again that I was pain free.

So, at this time I am going to skip over the part concerning the church service and say that it was a good service and everyone was ok and ready to get towards the mountains as soon as possible.  We had to make a quick stop at the grocery store to get a few things for the trip, you know, snacky stuff. J  Up until this point I had no pain and I was feeling like my old self again, my energy level had returned and I had no problems breathing at all.  I had thought that my troubles had left me for good.

The stop at the grocery store took only a few minutes.  It is amazing how cooperative kids are in a grocery store when they want to go someplace else they actually want to go to.  There are many stories I could tell of the adventures at the grocery store with my two little ones, both good stories and bad stories.  All of the items were picked up without a fuss and off to the checkout counter we went.  It did not take too long before we were all back in the van and pulling out of the parking lot headed towards the house.  Bonnie began to tell the girls what they had to wear which dulled the excitement for a moment but the girls did not think about the fact that it would be colder up there at 10,000 feet.  All of the clothes wearing categories had been made before we reached the house.  When we pulled into the side yard Bonnie asked me to stay in the van for a second and I knew that I was going to have to answer some questions.  I quickly turned to Tatem and begged her to stay in the van but Bonnie put an end to that idea before I could finish the plea.  I gave the house keys to Tatem and she got out of the van, turned and shut the sliding door and walked towards the house.

Before Bonnie could get the first question out I said yes I was fine and that I had no reservations about going up to the mountains.  I also said that I would immediately tell her if I had any pain and that if when we arrived up top and I felt unusual in any way that I would inform her of this as well.  She did not say much as she turned and opened the door on her side and stepped down to the ground.  I did the same and we both headed to the house after the van doors had been closed.

DLB

Part X to follow….

Heart Condition Part VIII

Heart Condition Part VIII

Before I dive into this segment of my heart attack I want to see if you are recognizing a pattern that I followed while this process was occurring inside of my chest.  My heart was not telling me or showing me the normal symptoms that a heart should demonstrate when something is about to happen.  My symptoms were unique and were not following these established normal pains.  I continued to ignore them and did my own way and believed that they would go away.

How many times have we heard God calling to our hearts and us ignoring the words that He is saying?  God calls us to return to Him in His own unique way that is very specific to our lives.  We have heard many stories of people coming back to God and how elaborate they are but not all stories are like this some are simple and quiet.  Listen to God and return to Him before He has to takes a further step in order to get your attention.  This is the purpose of this message and a part of my life that I am sharing so that others might get the hint from God before something drastic happens in their lives.  Now, on with the story J

As the afternoon drug into the evening, dinnertime approached as I continued to sit on the couch not doing much of anything.  Bonnie peeked around the corner of the kitchen and asked if I was ok and I could honestly say that I was since all of the uneasiness had left.  My mind jumped on this box and began to run with the idea that it was the office chair and that the position it was putting in was just not right for whatever was going on inside my chest.  Well…duh, but since I was no longer in pain and I was sitting on the soft couch I was sticking to my theory until something else occurred. 

I looked at my watch and noticed that it was approaching the time that a football game was to be on, a SEC football game on Saturday evening would hit the spot.  Watching sports on a Saturday evening became a ritual at our house, so much of one that sometimes we even ate dinner in front of the television depending upon who was playing.  Dinner was of the norm, which we disposed of quite methodically.  I do not believe that I can ever remember of a bad meal that Bonnie cooked so even though I do not remember much about the meal I definitely know it was good.

After dinner was completed Bonnie and I sat in front of the television and began to watch the game and while I was watching this game all pain within my chest seemed to disappear, or at least I did not think about the pain or my state of health but I sat there and enjoyed the action.  At one point Bonnie asked me if I was feeling ok and I had to stop and think about it for a second.  I stood up and stood there in that one spot for a moment and then took a quick evaluation of bodily pain and I had none.  I relayed this information to Bonnie and then went into the bathroom for a bit.  When I came out the game was back on and I sat down once again and continued to watch the game.

After the game was over I thought about watching another PAC 10 game but decided to go into the office instead for some more computer time.  I got back on the net and began surfing the football scores of the day.  Some of my favorite teams won and some of them lost which was the story for most of the past years of being involved in football.  It was approaching nine o’clock and Bonnie came into the office and gave me a look over and said that she believed I looked better at that moment and I told her that I felt good with no pain. 

I then suggested that if I woke up the next morning feeling well that we should go take a drive in the mountains and see if there were any fall colors remaining on the trees.  We had not made it up on the mountain tops for the past couple of years so I believed it would be a fun day trip for the girls and us too.  Bonnie said that she was going to bed and I told her that it would be a bit before I would be heading that way and that I might just stay up and watch another game before coming to bed.  I ended up just keeping track of the score of the game that was on the television via the net; remember the net was still in its young stage at this time and was not apt to have live video of games at this time.

It was now late in the evening and I was not seeing a friendly score on the screen so I decided to get to bed.  I began the slow process of turning off the computer when I had a slight pain run through my chest, nothing severe but it did once again get my attention.  But this time there was something different, after the pain left I actually felt better.  It is very hard to explain but it was like I was able to take a deep breath after I had lung goobers for a while.  It was like a relaxation about my chest, a breath of fresh air, and any other metaphor that a person could use about feeling better.  A sat there in my chair waiting for the computer to finish its thing and I continued to sit there and try to examine my insides and see if this feeling would go away.  As the moments passed I realized that this “good” feeling was not going to leave so I turned off the computer and the office light and headed down the hall to the bedroom.

I made a quick visit to the restroom as I was heading towards the bedroom.  Nothing exciting occurred during this time and everything came out mighty fine.  After I completed my task, I continued to make my way towards the bed without making too much noise.  The room was dark and coming immediately from two lighted rooms my eyes were not adjusted to the dark conditions so my footsteps were slow and very close to each other.  I had made this trek many times before but I always had to factor in the kid scenario which meant the possibility of toys or some other objects present on the floor for me to step on.  The little girls loved to play in our bedroom, which we adored and wanted them to feel free in this activity, but their cleaning up process lacked in thoroughness sometimes.

As I approached the bed I said a scenically quick prayer of thankfulness for my safe passage through the bedroom to the bed all the while ridding myself of my house clothes and then locating the top comforter and slowly pulling it back.  As I did this I saw movement in the middle of the bed which I immediately knew was Bear who had decided to sleep in the bed with us that night instead of underneath the bed like normal.  He was not much of a bed hog to me, but he always kept close to Bonnie which proved to be an interesting scene some nights.  I pulled back the sheet and got into the bed and pulled the covers back over me and took a deep breath.  My mind once again did a complete inside evaluation of my chest and found that I was still feeling great.  I heard no noises coming from Bonnie and I did not try and let her know of the situation, it would wait till morning.  I turned on my stomach as always and went right to sleep and had a restful night’s sleep.

As I look back upon this time I realize how blind I was towards what the signs and symptoms were in my life.  May warning signs occurred those two days and I ignored each and every one of them.  Yes, I knew that there could be something wrong but I continued to rationalize things in my mind and telling myself that it was nothing to be concerned with and the things that I knew to be true about heart attacks was not happening in my chest.  Even though my best friend knew that something was wrong and even the family pet could sense that things were not right, I continually over rid their concerns to concentrate on my own denial.

Now, how many times do we do this with God?  We know all of the circumstances and scenes about God and His beckoning on our lives but we continually over ride His voice and make our own decisions about our life.  His voice is constantly trying to get our attention of our surroundings and the things that we are going to face if we do not change our ways.  But we adamantly ignore His warnings and press forward on our paths of denial which leads us further away from His voice and protection.  God will continue His plea for our lives but He will not stop time and continue to deny our will.  Sometimes we humans have to just pee on that electric fence even though we have been warned not to do it.

DLB

Part IX to follow….