What You Say, Keep True

What You Say Keep True

6/21/12

We have all come into contact with a person or group that has given out information and then in some manner not followed through with the information that was proclaimed.  Promises have been broken, handshakes violated and many other situations that have fallen apart after an agreement had been reached.  This brokenness is a common theme now-a-days and believing and relying upon another person’s word is ever more in doubt.   Humans, place others in precarious situations when plans or agreements fall through and it is easy to become disillusioned towards people when we get burned a couple of times.  It is very important for us to keep our words true when striking important chords with other people.  It is also important that we do not make it a habit of providing empty words because it might just come back to haunt us one day.

We have all heard of the many stories in our history concerning between the white man and the Native Americans.  It can be agreed upon that many different untruths were told by the government and also many agreements were not kept amongst the Native Americans.  Who was right and who was wrong is not the focus of this message but it is the source of the matter that takes center stage which is the words that one side said to the other.  Each side had their own personal agendas for the words that they declared but at some point there had to be some truth in those words to the other.  And at what point did the words become tainted enough to harbor such hate for the other fueled into a long war that cost many lives.  Someone had to speak an untruth which came to pass which began a downhill trend that led to bloodshed.

I recently watched an older movie in which this subject was addressed, not of the war between the government and the Native Americans but a series of words that almost led to a heartbreak between two people.  The main characters of the movie are well known and they played roles that spoke volumes to those that saw the movie, or at least it should have since everyone of us have been placed into a situation of believing another person’s words. 

A promise was made to the lady from the guy that she had met under some rotten circumstances.  Neither one of these people dated too much nor had they been out in the social scene within the big city.  The girl was a shy lady who had a female friend convinced her of going on a blind date which she reluctantly accepted but wanted to get out of the house.  The couples were to meet at a club and have an evening of dinner and dancing.  When the girl arrived with her friend they met up with the girls at the entrance of the club and it was obvious from the beginning that this girl was not appealing to her date.  In fact, another girl passed by and he struck up a conversation with her and began his duty of finding a reason to leave her for the other girl.  Her date even tried to pay for another guy to sit with her while he left.

Enter our hero who went to the club on the same night alone.  He had struggled with the idea and after contemplating it decided to go.  He was in the area and heard the conversation of the girl’s date trying to buy another guy to sit with her.  He watched the events unfold and was curious about the girl; he actually liked her and wanted to talk with her.  With the events of the evening the girl was very skeptical of him but agreed to take a walk with him.  The two left the club and began a long walking and talking session that ended up in a small diner late in the evening.  The two began to share personal information about each other and they both relaxed around each other.  The diner owner wanted to close for the evening so they continued their walk to the girl’s house.  After he realized that her house was across town he insisted on riding the bus with her and make sure she arrived to her house safely. 

They spent a few moments outside of her door and it was evident that even though it was late neither one of them wanted the evening to end but they knew that church would call on them early in the morning and that they needed to say goodnight.  Before they parted the guys asked if he could call her the next day after Mass and that they would go out again the following evening for a movie.  After the number was given she opened the door and then turned to say goodnight.  The guy did not leave the porch until the door was shut and locked.

As he walked away from her house he was a different man than before their “date” began earlier that evening.  He had actually asked a girl out for a real date and she said yes, what better way to end an evening.  He rode the bus home on cloud nine and when he arrived at the bus stop he got off and began walking to his house.  Some of his friends saw him and began harassing him about the girl that they saw him with earlier.  He calmly told them that they were wrong about her and that she and he were going to go out again tomorrow evening.  The taunting ended with most of them walking up to another friend that wanted him to join them and that they had a girl that he should meet.

He agreed to meet her while she was in the friend’s car but would not agree to go with them to another place.  The meeting really did not go well since he was not interested in what being offered and made every effort to leave in a hurry.  He scurried off in the direction of his house when his best friend found him and asked him where he had been since he did not show up for their weekly scheduled meeting place.  The guys went into the story about the girl that he had met and how well the evening had gone.  The best friend was not interested in how things went he was more concerned about what their plans were going to be for the next evening.  The guy explained that he would not be going with him because he was going out with the girl.  The best friend could not accept that what the girl had been through and what the guy did, so he left mad and said he would come back by in the morning to see if things had changed.

The next morning came with anticipation from the afternoon phone call that she was going to receive from a guy that she actually believed liked her.  She could not wait till church service was over so that she could hurry home and wait by the phone.  Service could not end soon enough but she sat patiently in service and listened to what was being said by the priest.

The guy was still on cloud nine when he woke up and anticipated the phone call to his new girl.  He did have the lingering thought of his friend coming around and reminding him of their conversation about the afternoon and evening plans, which he did since he was waiting for him to step out of his house to go to church.  To get rid of him he agreed to keep their original plans which would jeopardize his phone call to the girl.  Both guys went to church as always and sat through service just the same. 

When church was over the girl went home anticipating the call and the boy went out with his friend instead of keeping his word to the girl.  See, the meeting with the girl was something that was planned and it meant something to both the guy and the girl.  The so called meeting with the guys was something that was expected but not planned, and event that was continuous; in other words no commitment.

The girl continued to sit at home throughout the afternoon and evening waiting on the call.  She became disappointed and even angry a bit since she had felt like she had been betrayed.  The questions in her mind must have ravaged her stability and probably began to crush her new found confidence.  The guy on the other hand was totally miserable while he was with his friend, in fact they did not even talk much since the friend recognized that the guy was not happy about being there.  The internal conversation inside the guy’s head was torture since he knew he had made the incorrect choice.

Hours past and the girl continued to sit and wait trying to hold out hope for that one ring.  Her family quietly reading in the living room all the while she sat and tried to hide her tears.  The afternoon eventually became the evening and still no word from the guy, all ounce of hope had now departed since it was late in the evening and no guy would dare call at this time of night.  The guy continued his miserable settings until he had finally had enough of the mental guilt that had engulfed his thinking.  He got up and left his friend without saying too much and hurried home as soon as possible, he had to make this situation right and do what his heart wanted.

When he got home he could not wait any longer and he barely said anything to his mother who had greeted him at the door.  He found the girl’s number and picked up the phone to dial.  The girl’s phone rang only one time and she immediately picked up the receiver and the tears of pain turned into tears of relief when she heard his voice on the other side.  He quickly admitted he was wrong in not calling her and asked for her forgiveness.  He also wanted to see her for a few minutes before the evening was done to which she agreed.  His word might have been late but it was true.  He did not make excuses for his in actions but made the choice to bring back into line what was true on his own free will.

To add to this I am going to throw myself into the ring by saying that I have done this same type of act in my past; however, I really did not complete the situation as the guy did in the movie.  I have used this illustration before but I believe it is relevant to this message.

This event happened when my family was leaving Cleveland, Texas and were heading to Hobbs, New Mexico.  The trip and the entire Hobbs story is a book in itself and I will not dwell on the story now but part of it does come into play.  About two weeks before I was leaving for New Mexico, one of the popular girls in school passed me a note in one of the classes we shared.  I had hardly spoken to this girl in my four years in Cleveland and now she passes me a note.  After class I opened the note in the hall and read it and it stated that she had liked me for a while and that even though she knew I was leaving, she wanted me to know this tidbit of information.

I found her again right before school ended and I began to talk to her about the note and I could not help but asking why now?  Why didn’t she say anything to me before about the subject?  I told her that I had asked myself that very question concerning myself about her and why didn’t I asked her out after her and her boyfriend broke up.  Times passed and nothing was said until it was almost too late.  We had a bunch of things to talk about before the two weeks were over and decisions had to be made concerning our hearts.

We had precious little time with each other during those two weeks.  She began to work her Christmas break job and I was packing every day and helping my family out as much as I could which proved to be not much since my mind was elsewhere.  The moments we did share with each other were ones of still asking questions in a hurried fashion since we knew our physical time was being cut short.  I had many questions concerning the separation and so did she it was nerve racking to say the least.  But, we were kids and did not really understand the true meaning of love anyway, but maybe we would find out since we would be tested.

As the date of my departure drew closer the closeness between her and I grew and yet it was a timid fondness since we both knew the truth of the matter, that distance kills teenage relationships quite quickly.  Both of us knew that it would be tough and if it did not work out that it was not meant to be as long as both of us gave our word to the other that we would truly try and make things work.  The promises between the two of us began and other personal information flowed onto pieces of paper.  Addresses and phone numbers exchanged hands along with other family members’ names so that each person in our respective houses would know who we were.

The dreadful day arrived and we were all ready to go off and explore the desert of New Mexico.  We all knew that our departure would be an early one so we had one last opportunity to say our personal goodbyes to each other the night before in a short memorable conversation next to our trucks.  Nothing too fancy just a few moments of tranquility as two friends said goodbye not knowing what the future held for us.  As our truck pulled out of Cleveland my teenage mind could only think of one thing and it was not about the new town that we were heading towards.

As her and I expected our conversations continued almost every day for a while and we actually thought that this might work out for the better.  However, young hearts eventually expressed themselves and she became less exciting to my immediate world.  It was not really another girl but it was all of the other new things that had caught my eye.  It was my first real adventure in the west as a teenage and I found out that there were many things that I had the opportunity to try.  The church had a softball team and they needed players for their second team so I joined that league and making new friends took place as number one in my life.  Since it was winter break it was not that long until school started I was not idle very long.

As time unfolded I found myself thinking less and less of her and paying attention more to the other things that came to my door.  I eventually realized that it had almost been an entire week since I had called her and that she was no longer important enough in my immediate world to give her the courtesy of explaining what I was doing.  Yet, I did not call and end the relationship and after a few weeks of no communication from me all types of acknowledgment from each other ceased.

No communication had been achieved for almost six months and then a big shocker came, our tenure in Hobbs was over and my parents were taking a church in southeast Texas.  A town that was not very far from Cleveland and since we still had our house in Cleveland; it was inevitable that one day we would go back to Cleveland for some reason.  Of course my thoughts immediately said that I would never meet or see her again, which these thoughts were soon proven wrong. 

I remember that mom and dad wanted to go check on the house in Cleveland on a certain weekend.  Just so happens there was some type of church carnival event going on in Cleveland which mom and dad wanted to attend.  People wanted to hear the stories of Hobbs and I knew that many of my friends were going to be there so I thought it was going to be a good idea.  I had no idea that she would be in attendance, but as I look back at the situation now I should have known that there would have been no way she would not attend.

As the evening progressed I continued to notice her and her friends sitting off by themselves no doubted talking about my behavior and how much she could have harmed my physical body for not keeping my promise.  She had every right to think that and she had every right to come up to me and ask what my problem was for not keeping my words to her but she sat and waited for me to complete this task.  She sat there for quite a while which only hardened her heart towards me even more.  Even my friends were asking me if I had talked to her and they also wanted to know what was going on with us.  I was quick to say nothing was going on which they understood but not many of them agreed with my stance of not talking to her.

I eventually gave in and slowly walked over to her.  When her friends saw me coming they all scattered and left us alone to talk.  I said hi and she returned the gesture and then asked me why I stopped calling and writing.  Before I could begin my sentence she asked if I had another girlfriend and I said no.  She did not raise her head up to me very much which I understand now why she did not it was because I had hurt her so much that she could not even look at me, plus my behavior that night made things even more complicated and deepened the wound more.

I cannot say that I did not know what I was doing because I did know.  I just chose to not follow through with the things that I had said to her and then ignored the many opportunities to end things like a man.  Instead, I ended things cowardly with no truth in the matter and it was this action that really hurt her.  Our conversation did not last long and it ended with my half hearted apology to her and with her looking up into my eyes and saying “ok”.  That was the last time that I spoke to her in any capacity.  At the time I believed that I had closed that door and that nothing else would affect me in that way, but what I did not take into account was what she took from the situation and how she responded throughout the course of her lifetime.

Did my actions have an impact on her life?  Looking back at the moment now I can honestly say yes to that question.  To what extent I have no idea and I do not even know if she and I will ever have the opportunity to talk again about those fateful seven months.  I do know that if we ever do get the opportunity to talk I shall give her the apology and the respect that she deserved way back in my teenage years.  I could get slapped, yelled at or ignored, I do not know but she does deserve this from me.  I also know that God has brought this situation to my mind some months ago but He said now is the time to write about it.  I do not know why but I guess it is meant for someone out there in the world.

The old nursery rhyme “Sticks and Stones” says that words can never hurt me and oh so how wrong this rhyme is.  Our words no matter what the situation is can and probably will have some impact on another life at sometime during their lives.  We may never see them again but we should always know that what we say to others do make a mark on them.  Yes we say things when we are young that we do not mean or say things to get our way or not say anything at all to others.  It does not matter what the circumstance may be our words will provide a spark in someone directly or indirectly under those words.

Be wise in your relationships and the words that we chose to say within the confines of these relationships.  Our words are very powerful to others and we should continually keep this in mind when we talk with others.  Most of speak our words before we have an opportunity to form them correctly and then present them to others in a manner to which will be conducive to an accurate measurement of the situation.  And when this occurs then the separation has begun and there is nothing we can do to repair things as they were in the beginning; a solution must be prepared in order to restore order in this relationship.

There is only one way to accomplish this feat and that is to seek help and advice from the one being that knows us the best and that one begin is God.  You look throughout history and you notice that man has tried to fix all of the mistakes that he has made alone.  And in the next chapter of the history book we read about the consequences of those words and how others respond to the attempts of peace.  True peace and true restoration can only come from a pure source and that pure source in not from anything thing man made or any man made plan.

See man really does not know and cannot even conceive of how to repent for his actions, it takes God to transform this process through man.  Repentance comes from the heart and God knows our heart better than anyone else for He created it and knew it even before we were born.  If we knew our hearts then it would not be necessary for us to ask God to search it and to show us our evil ways or our good ways for that matter.  So, given this information only God can truly and completely fix what we messed up with our words.  In order for this to occur, we must allow God to take control of our hearts and to restore it to His standards and bring it back into line with the spiritual communication lines.

We as humans when given the opportunity will mess things up.  It is important for us to understand that our words can be guided if we allow them to be guided by God.  Repentance of our hearts, restoration of our hearts, and true forgiveness towards others is the best way to survive in this life.  Vicious words only serve to divide and hurt and if we continually do this on an individual level it will eventually spill over into our public lives which will then infect an entire community and then effects on greater numbers of people is possible.  Stop the fires of words with God and He will curb the spread of hurt.

DLB