Tough Love

Tough Love

12/5/17

These are a couple of words are ones that no parent or child likes to hear or implement, yet are ones that need to be used in order to keep the rule of conduct intact.  Each passing week we see the words of this phrase grossly misrepresented and ripped to shreds by both sides of the equation.  Have we ever contemplated as to why it is so tough to follow through with tough love?  Have we accepted the world’s order enough not to deem this phrase necessary or are we too afraid to complete such a process?  These questions and much more like them are answered in the Bible and should be kept within our hearts so that our children will not fail in their eternal placement.  God even holds to His Word which means that He will have to show us, tough love, as well, but just as many in the upcoming generations we will even recognize this process from our eternal Father?

It has been over eight years now that my wife and I made the decision to remove conventional television from our house.  We had thought about this process for a couple of years and finally became so disgusted with the programming that we cut the service off once and for all, and to be honest with you it was the best move we have made.  For what the television was teaching our children was what the world wanted them to understand and to believe is correct which today we are witnessing the results of those lies and destructive conditions.  This may seem like a small and unusual subject to compare with this topic but it was a step that needed to be taken so that some other issues might be avoided in the future.  It is amazing how superficial instruments that we allow into our lives can come back as a product line for abnormal behavior in our children and in our own lives as well.  Both my wife and I found out that this issue was large enough of a distraction on all sides within our house that we would remove such opportunities; a small yet pointed tough love campaign that was warranted and needed.

Tough love can be administered in a variety of ways in order to make sure that the children of the house understand that there are right ways and wrong ways of doing things.  I did not receive many spankings when I was a kid but the ones I did receive were thoroughly deserved for when I received them it because I had done something wrong.  It was kind of difficult for me to understand why it bothered my parents so much to give me these blessings of encouragement but as a parent today I completely understand what went through their hearts back then.  It is never easy to discipline your child but there comes a time when it is necessary and when that time is reached it needs to be dealt with in a proper manner.  Now, this type of correction DOES NOT INCLUDE beating a child by ANY means and when a parent understands their child well enough they will know exactly how to conduct such punishment so that the point of doing things correctly is understood by the child.  I read a report the other day from the scientific community that concluded that spanking a child is not always a good practice and that it can cause damage in some cases to the child.  Well, when one looks at the out-of-control school classrooms it can be easily understood why this report can be deemed correct, we have progressed with the lack of tough love at home so much that the kids not only believe they are in control of every setting but also use this belief in an authoritarian manner whenever they deem necessary.

Tough love can be demonstrated to a child in a variety of ways from the parent or guardian of a child.  Tough love can simply be a respectful “no” to a wanted question or it could also be a spanking for a repeated offense of the defined and lived by rules of the house or family.  God demonstrated His authority and tough love stance in a variety of ways throughout His Word and did so with a heavy heart but knew He had no other choice in order for His children to understand their continued disobedience was literally separating them from Hid protection and salvation.  But the important part is that God gave chance after chance before He had to show this type of tough love.  God understood His children so well that He never rushed to judgment or quick to punish His children but waited until the perfect moment to be most effective and to grab their attention in full, a trait that we as human parents should operate in when disciplining our children.

The Scripture that God has given us for this passage is a fitting one for it ties into God’s love perfectly for it is easy to lose sight of tough love and how important it is in the entire compass of love itself.  There are so many lies when it comes to how people define love and what it means to use this word anymore.  Societal conditions have placed roadblocks in grasping the deep and true meaning of love and have spewed superficial groping as the definition of what love should mean to everyone.  A control and correct display of tough love would show the child of how to act, how not to act, and what is appropriate or not when it comes to relationships and dealing with others.  Love and relationships do not represent a free for all with no boundaries present so that anything goes for we are learning daily that when love is present and placed on an intimate level our hearts are involved and when broken can produce devastating results for both the child and for those around them.

One of the most fascinating things I hear on a continual basis is how the Bible is not relevant today and how we should not use its content as a pattern of belief.  The world and its ruler has deviously programmed this lie into our heads and it has now made its way into our hearts so much so that we are steadily writing laws in order to enforce this total annihilation of God form our lives.  Do you understand that Satan uses this tactic in order to provoke God into proving His truth in a violent manner?  Do you believe in the question that I just asked?  God never is provoked to anger or judgment on a whim nor does He doll out His hand on a routine basis for He is slow to anger and judgment for a reason yet the “unjust” ways of God are a common lie we believe.

Proverbs 13:24 is the passage that we are using for this letter and it goes as this: “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.” Now, I do not know about you but my rear was chastened a few betimes and as I have stated above I was not beaten but I deserved the “rod” that I received.  Now, many people would love to focus on the child here and while the child is the recipient of the punishment the verse actually is directed towards the parent and the absolute godly conduct that they should act.  This verse gives us so much instruction concerning disciplining our children and what the correct way to do it at the same time. 

There is a specific word that is used here and that is “chasten” which means to correct or to discipline.  This word is not a harsh term by any means and in no manner at all does this word mean to physically beat a child as a form of correction or discipline, in fact it means the opposite in that we should lovingly and quickly correct or discipline our children so that they do not have time to believe that their actions were okay.  This word comes from the Hebrew word “musar” and its short definition means instruction.  We should perform this act as a means of instruction and not as a means of submission out of anger.

The first portion of this verse says that if do not punish our child when they do wrong that we, in reality, do not love them.  This portion clearly states and is easily recognized as meaning that the parent knew that the child had done something wrong and needed to be corrected on the matter but chose not to act upon such wrongdoing and allowed the child to get away with whatever they had done.  It also states that when a parent performs such an act that they hate their child.  Seems pretty harsh tones here but when parents allow their children to break the law and they know about it, then do nothing about it then they prove to the child that they do not care for them and do not care what they do, whether good or bad.  Once again, take a look at the kids in school and how they act towards their teachers, some of them curse in class, refuse to be on time and turn in their assignments, and some now have sex with their teachers.  What type of home discipline does this suggest to you?  Kind of seems like we are following this portion of the passage to me.

The second portion of this passage gives us the opposite of the first portion and defines how our parental skills should be at all times.  As a parent it is easy for us to ignore this portion of the verse and treat our children as a criminal and punish them according to our present anger, all of us have done such a terrible thing.  My wife and I have tried our best to listen to the other when we are handing down the punishment for our girls’ wrongdoings and there have been a few times on our sides (both) that the other has had to pause for a moment and calm down a bit.  The heat of the moment can become a frightful time but in no manner should we harshly disciple our children but only in a loving and teaching manner.  On the other hand, we cannot go soft on the child either and we must ensure who is the authority figure and that the authority figure is not pleased with that present situation.  This should not be a problem for parents for we created the child and it is our responsibility to understand them better than they know themselves.  This type of correction is never easy on any side of the party, but it is a necessary portion that needs to be completed so that order is maintained in the lives of the household and especially for the child.  Disciple the correct way gives the child the capability to remember what is right and wrong and if they ever question which is and what is not our direction and corrective measures will provide them with a better opportunity to think before a devious or heinous act is enacted. 

This verse is very supportive of a couple of other examples we have in the Bible.  Just a few chapters over in Proverbs is the first example where Proverbs 22:6 states: “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.  The second example comes from Ephesians 6:1 and it states: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.”  What an informative couple of examples here and ones that provide us with exactly how a child needs to be taught.  And at the same time, tells of how the parent raised their child and whether or not God’s Ways were fulfilled when that child was young.  I realize that there is more detailed information to these verses but I am stopping here because the gist of this article is concerning tough love and how it needs to be completed before sweeping changes must be made.  Now, always keep in mind that the world shall argue with you on this logic but when it does it is easy to expose because there will be no godly stability in their reasoning, a detail that we must recognize as well.

As we read before, God has had many opportunities to wipe out the human race and justly to do so as well.  I find it so humiliating to hear parents that consider themselves to be Christians allowing their children to roam freely on the streets without any guardianship present or any curfew in place.  What kind of home does a foul-mouthed young brat come from?  And why do people that go to church are found in the same bar with their underage child sitting right next to them downing alcohol just as fast as they, and do not get me started on the parents who leave with others to go to another place for sexual privacy.  This is what our children see today and from the books, dissertations, theses, articles and paragraphs that I have studied this behavior has not varied much from then until today.  So, once again I ask the question is it really hard to believe as to why the kids today act the way that they do?

Why are we afraid to discipline our children accordingly?  I remember dreading parent/teacher nights at school because even though I was a good kid and for the most part behaved myself deep down I knew that I could have done better and produced a higher quality of schoolwork; however, in no way did I even dictate how that meeting went nor did I even suggest that it was a teacher’s fault for my failing grades either.  In fact, to further illustrate this topic God declares that He sees this type of today’s student attitude in our lives when it comes to Him and His Word as well.  Students today rule the classroom and not many teachers are around that have the opportunity to disavow that statement.  The students believe that their cell phone communication with a friend or anyone else for that fact in class is more important than learning.  They already know as much as they want to know about the particular subject at hand and will threaten a teacher if challenged.

We do the exact same thing when we read the bible and come to a spot where we do not agree with or to a place where we can place our own interpretation on it so that it fits into our categorical worldly box instead of taking it for what it is worth and placing ourselves in that text and applying it to our own lives.  How many times have we used Bible passages to defend a particular stance then at some time later come to the conclusion that the thoughts concerning such passage were wrong and of a selfish nature?  The Bible was written by God for us to place ourselves into its content and to learn from the words that are there.  If we vary these words to our own understanding and for our own gratification we are using them in vain and not only costing our spiritual lives while we perform this act but also potentially sealing others’ fate away from God as well.  This is why we must continually allow God to search our hearts and to show us, according to His Word, His words for our life which is another phrase for tough love. 

We also have a tendency to forget that God is the one that created us.  Our parents may have physically created you by the joining of the male sperm with the female egg, but it is God who is the Creator of such process.  He knows us better than our parents’ do and He is the one that we need to allow to search us and one of the ways that He does this is through a godly parent who listens to Him and knows how to correct when necessary.  Proverbs 13:24 gives the parent the instruction to grab the attention of the child and to teach them right and wrong before they have to learn it the hard way.  It is every parent’s dream for their child to figure this out before an out of control setting takes place but as we all know there are some kids that have to take things a tad further before this truth sinks into their head.  In addition, grievously, there are still others who do not receive this message until a disaster occurs and furthermore, some may just completely rebel altogether.  We must take into consideration every term possible for they do occur.

I no way, does a parent wish any bad thing or harm to their child or any child for that matter, but as we all know there are those that will not listen and willingly place themselves into the hands of the world.  It almost always ends with a tragedy when this type of setting presents itself, a complete nightmare for a parent.  But even then, a parent should never give up on their child and continue to do their best to show them the love of God that He has given them for at any moment in that child’s life they can turn their lives around and follow God and not the world.  But in order for this to occur, the parents should not be in the bars every night or sleep with anyone who will give them temporary “comfort” or cloud their spirit with drugs in order to take the proverbial pain away for yet a while.

Accordingly, we must also remember that God is our eternal Father and He knows when His children have done wrong.  God sends His corrective actions and warnings in the appropriate manner as a father should but it is our responsibility to understand what He is saying.  When I would do something wrong I would receive a certain punishment, but if I did that same thing again the punishment my parents would give would be a bit more intense, which is the way it should be when these types of settings arise.  I remember a time or two that my groundings were for weeks at a time instead of just a few days.  My parents did the absolute best in their duties as parents and while I still do some pretty ugly things as a human being, through their correctional methods of my youth, I know exactly where to turn back towards and many times before anything or any harm is done.

God operates in the exact same manner when it comes to Proverbs 13:24 and while He would like for each one of His children to figure His truth and Ways out before things become bad, He knows that this is just not the case.  So there are times that God has to grab our attention a bit stronger and while we place this attention getter in our speech for a while it seems like every time after things settle down we allow ourselves to let go of God a bit more.  So, where do you believe we stand with God today?  There is no way possible that we can fully comprehend where our lives are at in God unless we first study His Word and accept it as a human history guide.  God’s tough love comes in various shapes and sizes and is always in accordance with the wrong done.

All throughout His Word, we see God’s blessings fill the lives who do wonders for His Kingdom and on the other hand, we see the ground open up and have a few thousand for lunch.  We see salvation for the multitudes from a dire enemy and then see wandering in a wilderness for forty years.  A miracle in a lion’s den is then followed by the complete destruction of two nations which still have not returned to their once held unity and glory.  This comparison list could go on and on but what God wants us to understand for today is this: He has shown His hand against our land a couple of times in our recent past and He continues to expose our lies and weaknesses according to His dedication over our nation.  But we continue to ignore these warnings so God is about to grab our attention even further and if we do not repent and declare Him Lord of Lords over His land once again He will continue His hand against us until we are on our knees and at the mercy of our enemy.

God does not wish any of this to occur for He wants nothing but to provide our every need and to bestow His blessings into our lives so that we may, in turn, do the same to others in His name.  Church, we are the standouts yet we have joined hands with the enemy and it is time we drop hands and separate ourselves from the world.  I personally do not wish to see the hand of God come against this nation anymore, for the last two catastrophes were horrific enough.  When you stop and take a look at 9/11 and the crash of 2008 one can see very similar details emerge yet at the same time see two different allowances to occur.  What we are witnessing in our land today is even more grotesque than these two events combined, the internal and interior division of this nation due to our stubbornness and selfish behaviors.  God challenges you to write all of the current events that are ongoing in our nation today and place them in a list.  Then study His Word and when a setting comes along that describes a hardship for the people in the passages write them down as well and compare them to each other and I guarantee that if one is honest about each list they will notice many similarities between the two lists.  This means that we can expect similar activities from God as He allowed during that tenure of history.

I really, really do not wish to see God’s tough love again, for if we are further down the line in sin than we think we are that means that what is about to occur in this nation could be catastrophic.  We must remember that God works in mysterious ways and sometimes those mysterious ways come in the supernatural form.  God loves you and wants to continue His blessings over this nation but these blessings shall not continue unless we turn our hearts back to God and repent.  Restoration is a great process but in order for God's restoration to occur, we must surrender ourselves to Him completely.  Let us listen to the corrective voice of God instead of pushing it away He is beckoning us to return to Him before He has to grab our attention in a much higher capacity.

DLB