Heart Condition Part XVIII

Heart Condition Part XVIII

7/3/12

I continued to lie on the exam table for a while until everything was ready for me to leave and make my trek over to the hospital.  Of course I was hooked up to the blood pressure cuff and the pulse oximeter instrument which is an annoying little thing which slides on your finger and clamps down on both sides of the finger it is on.  So when you move it falls off and then gives a reading of zero and alarms go off, and when this occurs you want to get it back on as quickly as possible so that no one comes storming in thinking you are dead.  Which in this case I was not fast enough to get it and the alarm went off and I had people in the exam room within seconds.

I was ordered that under no circumstances was I to get off of the exam table and to keep calm as possible until I reached my room in the hospital.  I informed the nurse that her “bed” that she had for me was not very comfortable and that I would like to have a more private setting if at all possible, she smiled as she left the room.  Needless to say I had no idea of what I would encounter in less than twenty-four hours and I afterwards I wished for that exam room bed or at least the angle it provided.

Bonnie had been in the lobby of the doctor’s office making phone calls informing everyone that needed to know what was transpiring and what the immediate plans were for me.  Evidently she had noticed the wheelchair going into my room and ended the phone conversation since she entered the room shortly after the nurse did and told of her actions to me.  I could tell she was nervous with everything which every normal and sane person would have been at this time but this unfortunate clown, me, was calm and collected at least that was what I portraying.  Internally I was not helping my blood pressure issue at all because I was racking my brain trying to figure all of this out and trying to find a solution to this obstacle.

A few more minutes gradually passed by and then the door to the exam room opened again with the nurse wielding a wheelchair.  My chariot had arrived and was waiting for me to place my royal pain into it so that I could take a ride to the big house.  The nurse covered me with a blanket and then placed all of my paperwork on my lap and told me to hold on to it and don’t lose it.  I said “yes ma’am” and then we slowly backed out of the exam room and then made a turn in the hall towards the front entrance of the office.  I was greeted with many of the staff telling me to behave myself and to get better soon each one was said in jest but of concern at the same time.  I knew each one of these people and I consider them as part of my family as they did me.

As we went through the open doors I could not help but think back to little over an hour before I was walking through these same doors and now I was leaving in a wheelchair.  Somehow I did not think that was a positive step for my day.  As we turned the corner and headed towards the hospital I could not help but notice the new hospital building and how far the construction company had come with its completion.  The new hospital was going to be bigger than the old hospital building by far and would have many more opportunities for growth when that time arrived.  It took a while to get to the hospital building since we had to go all the way around the property since everything else was fenced off.

The ride over to the hospital was bumpy since we had to go through dirt and concrete to get to the other parking lot.  Bonnie and the nurse were conversing between each other while she pushed me along the sidewalk.  A small dip from the sidewalk to the leading edge of the front end of the hospital gave access to the direct path to the emergency room entrance.  The push up the small hill to the emergency room entrance was a tough one for the nurse because at that time I was not a light fellow but everything went well even though I felt terrible about the strain it must have had on her.  The automatic doors opened and I watched myself enter into the same place I had just a few days before.  This time I knew I was trapped, at least for twenty four hours until they could figure out what was going on inside me.

Bonnie opened the small glass door to the main waiting room and the nurse wheeled me through the door to the volunteer’s desk which was immediately to the left after going through the door.  She politely directed us to the admissions clerk where we had to stop and check in so that they would know that I had arrived.  The nurse pushed me across the waiting area to the appropriate clerk’s area.  I sat in my carriage for a few moments while the clerk was on the phone with the nurse’s station.  She obtained my room number and then said that I was on my way down.  She then gave me a clipboard and pen and asked me to sign these release forms.  She told me to read them but I had viewed these forms many times and knew exactly what they said.  I signed the paperwork and returned them along with the clipboard and pen to her.  I was now officially checked into the hospital as a stable angina patient which meant I was not going anywhere for a while.

The admissions clerk then gathered her paperwork along with the paperwork from the doctor’s office and stood up from her chair.  She stated that she was coming out her side door and for the nurse to begin to move me in that direction.  She opened her door and came through to our side.  The nurse then backed me out of the area and turned towards the direction of the patient rooms.  We turned the corner and met the clerk in the hallway and all of us proceeded to head to my humble abode. 

As I was riding down the hallway I could not help but remember all the times I had walked in this hallway and meeting patients being admitted or all of the times I walked up and down this hallway looking for patients that were waiting to be checked in the emergency room; there was a time when the emergency room was down this hallway and not in its current location.  It was my turn to make this trek which at the time I really did not believe that the wheelchair bit was necessary since I had no pain and I was feeling the best I had for a few hours but never-the-less my wheelchair journey continued down the hall and I could do nothing to stop the procession.  And it was no use in trying to bribe my driver into taking a wrong turn and letting me escape from my captors I had finally given into the idea that I could not leave no matter how much I willed the thought.

At the end of the hallway we had to turn left to continue towards my room.  This short hall took me right by my workplace which had many people waiting in the waiting room as I passed by.  I thought to myself that I should not be in this wheelchair but in my work area helping my fellow colleagues process these patients.  No stopping and reminiscing with the lab folks and without any hesitation from my driver I continued to the end of the hall and then made a right turn to enter the hall that would take me to my room.  As we made this turn I asked which room I was going to and I received an answer of “71”.  Which when I turned my head back around to face in front of me, I saw my room since it was the only private room that was located directly at the end of this particular hallway.  The transportation process was now complete and all went well without any hiccups.

A short stop at the side of the nurse’s station was the only thing that was keeping me from being deposited into my room.  It was right at shift change but the nursing supervisor already knew I was coming and she was the one who met us at the station and took my paperwork from me.  She asked how I was feeling and I told her ok.  The office nurse gave her a short report on what happened in the office and on my general condition.  The office nurse then proceeded to drive me into my room in which as soon as she stopped I promptly stood up and was ready to get out of my carriage.  By the time I stood up the charge nurse and an aid were already in the room barking out orders to me, which I knew was coming and accepted it as charged.

After I got out of the wheelchair I took a few steps and reached the side of the bed.  I turned around and sat down on the side of the bed.  Another aid entered the room with all of the vital sign equipment and I immediately said “no thanks, I already had that done” and no sooner than those words left my lips the charge nurse told me to behave myself and to let her do her job.  I mumbled “fine” and scooted myself back onto the bed pulling my feet up so that I was now fully lying down. The nurse that was going to be assigned to my room then walked in and began to talk about the plans for my immediate future.  Not many introductions were needed since I knew everyone on that shift and we had all worked very close with one another over the years.

The charge nurse’s beeper went off and she silenced it quickly.  She looked at me and asked if I would behave myself while she was gone and I said “of course”.  She left the room and went to her desk over by the nurse’s station.  The two nurse’s aides were scurrying around the bed fixing this and adjusting that all trying to make me as comfortable as possible.  Just then one of them began to get the thermometer out to take my temperature and when I saw this action taking place I said to her “make sure you use the blue one” and ended it with a big smile.  She put the cover over the tip and then placed it in my mouth.  The hand held thermometer began to count upwards and stopped at where it usually did when taking my temperature.  Ruled that out I thought as the device made its “I’m finished” sound and she pulled the tip from my mouth.

The other aid then placed her fingers on my left wrist looking for my pulse.  My heart rate was fast and regular and easily obtained.  She brought her arm up to her waist and began counting silently and from the look in her eyes it was a fast count.  I took a deep breath because out of the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of the other aid retrieving the blood pressure cuff which could only mean one thing.  The first aid finished her count and then rattled the number “120” to the other aid which then recorded her words.  We all knew that number was not a good thing even though she had told me that my heartbeat was strong and regular.  “Yeah” I thought strong and fast.  The blood pressure cuff being ripped open was next and I stuck my right arm out and up so that the other aid could place it around my arm.

While the blood pressure cuff was tightening the other aid placed the oximeter on my left index finger.  Once again I had the two items that I disliked the most on my body doing what they are supposed to be doing at the same time.  However, I was in no position to argue so I laid there and waited for the numbers to come off their respected instruments.  My oxygen flow was normal at 96% without any additional oxygen needed and my blood pressure was still being taken since the same scenario occurred as in the doctor’s office the cuff had to be tightened further than the initial setting.  180/120 was my first reading and when the aid told me what it was I said something to the effect of well at least it is consistent.  All initial measurements pointed to high blood pressure and a possible underlying heart problem stemming from some other unknown process occurring.  There was no hiding this fact from me since I had worked in the medical field for so long and knew what symptoms meant.

  

Bonnie came into the room and said that my parents were here and wondered when the nurses and aids would be done.  I really did not want to see them because I knew what they were going to say but I also knew that they would not stay too long since they were going to be picking up the girls soon.  So, the nurses let everyone in for a few minutes while they continued to decipher my doctor’s orders at the nurse’s station.  After a short visit dad wanted to pray before they left and after a short prayer they left the room and my admit process continued.  I tried to convince mom that I was ok and that everything was going to be fine, she did not buy it of course and told me to mind the nurses or she would come back and whip me into shape for them.

It was time to get the show on the road with the IV start.  I was informed from my nurse that it needed to be done pretty quickly since I would be heading to CT for a chest scan in a few minutes.  At first I did not know why my doctor was doing that but I quickly remembered that since some of the pain I had encompassed my entire chest all of this could be a PE instead of a heart attack.  My nurse then brought her IV tray and supplies into my room and sat them on my bedside tray.  She got all of the appropriate supplies needed and laid them next to me on the bed.  I looked at her and said “ouch” in a moderately loud voice which got her attention.  She looked at me and I said that I was just practicing and gave her a big smile.  She then asked me if she had the correct tubes for the lab work that had been ordered and I responded if they ordered admit cardiac labs then yes she did.

As my nurse placed the tourniquet around my right bicep, my aid began to take a long tube out from a plastic package.  I looked to see what kind of tube it was and immediately recognized it which I then protested in a moderate manner.  The nurse said that I knew it was coming and that it is standard procedure until the doctor deemed it unnecessary but until then I had to have it.  The aid plugged the cannula into the wall and turned the oxygen level to 2 liters.  She then placed the tube around my ears and put the cannula end into my nostrils.  She completed this task as my nurse was preparing my arm for the IV.  I was double teamed and there was nothing I could do about it.

I turned my head as my nurse began to stick the IV needle into my right arm.  It went in nice and smooth and I was nice and kept my mouth shut while she was completing her task.  She took the needle out and left the plastic sheath in my arm.  As she withdrew the needle blood began to flow from the tubing which meant that it was in a good spot.  She put a syringe on the end of the IV and drew back which brought blood into the syringe so that it could be transferred into the appropriate blood tubes for testing.  She took the syringe off and laid it on the bedside tray and then placed the cap on the end of the IV tubing.  She then undid the tourniquet and began the cleaning up process around the IV site.  She then placed tape around the site and asked if it was feeling ok to which I replied that it was fine.  She then took out another syringe and filled it with saline and flushed the IV to ensure that no clot was developing.

By the time my nurse had finished starting my IV it was time once again for my vitals to be checked, time flies when you are having fun passed through my mind so I voluntarily gave up certain parts of my body to get more bad news from automated instruments.  Not much had changed with my stats including my oxygen level and upon hearing what the results were of that test I began to lobby to have the cannula removed.  I knew that this was a mute point but I felt that it was a bit of tidiness that I could do without and I would eventually involuntarily win this argument after a while.  My blood pressure was continued in the danger zone and it seemed like it was not going to lower anytime soon unless some type of drug was administered.

Radiology was chomping at the bit for me and as soon as everyone got things cleaned up I found myself staring down another wheelchair ride.  Radiology was close to the lab which meant I had to ride down the main hallway once again but like all my other protests I asked if I could walk to the CT room but the radiology tech answered it best when he gave me a big smile said absolutely nothing in return concerning the matter, his point was made clear.  I sat up on the side of the bed and then I stood up and took off my oxygen cannula which was one of the real few times that I could actually do this step and not get yelled at for doing so.  I took a few steps towards the wheelchair and then turned around and sat down into the chair portion and raised my feet so that the tech could place the feet rests in their appropriate positions.

The tech told Bonnie that it would be about forty or forty five minutes for this procedure and that I would then be returned to my room.  He slowly backed me out of the room, turned me around and stopped to let the nurse’s station that he was taking me.  The slow ride began with a few words of chit chat along the way which eventually gave way to a heavy wooden door and behind this door was my tube that I was going to lay into for almost an hour.

It is human nature for us to believe that all is ok even when our ship is visibly sinking.  The waters continue to rise all around us but at the same time we can hear the house band still playing relaxing music within the center of our life.  All of us have been placed into this situation at least once during our lifetime and some of us many times throughout our life.  No matter what the circumstances might be or how we ended up with a sinking ship something along our voyage trouble presented itself and imminent danger for our survival surrounds our present position.

How many times has the captain of our watch tried to warn us, the ship, of the dangerous paths that we take and then ignore his warnings?  We cannot get any more specific than this type of example.  By the time we realize that the path that we have chosen to take has produced a serious course of events that pose a possible sinking of our lives.  Yes the known course and path of my life had already been played out through its creation but still the warning signs from the captain of the watch were ignored by the ship’s navigator.

Denial of the water rushing into your bowels from outside sources is not a response that is rational and neither is resisting the appropriate orders from the crew members which are in charge of making sure your safety is upheld at all times.  Crisis situations are not the time to try and to implement your own ideas of survival by bucking the standard rescue procedures.  These procedures are put into place by people who have experienced these types of conditions and have learned from these conditions and know how to react and save lives.

Lying and waiting around when the warning signs are being given is not the planned course of action.  God is always in direct communication with us concerning the dangers that are lurking around us but it is our own navigation that either heeds these warnings or ignores them and continues “steady as she goes”.  What consequences are we proving to ourselves when we ignore these warnings and what purpose does that course serve after our sides have been ripped into shreds by the obstacles of our enemy?  Our lives are divinely constructed to make a long journey in which it will encounter many things along the way, but still a captain of the watch is posted within our command center whose job it is to serve out warnings so that we may have the opportunity to make corrections before the destruction comes.

The journey will not be an easy one and it is our own course that we chose to follow, but God will never leave you nor will He abandon your ship when troubled waters arise.  However, if we are so blinded in setting our own course and not listen to the warnings we will damage ourselves to an extent that we will eventually need major repairs or we might even have to scuttle ourselves by the continued disregard of God’s warnings.  Our lives have a direct purpose and it is our responsibility to take heed of the opportunities that God gives us to avert the dangers that are ahead.  Yes, sometimes we will feel the bumps in our road and we may have to repair a few details but we need to understand that even while we are stopped for repairs God is still watching out for dangers ahead and giving us constant updates on our conditions.  Listen to these reports and further danger will be averted.

DLB

Part XIX to follow…..

Heart Condition Part XVII

Heart Condition Part XVII

7/1/12

As I reached the kitchen I turned to my left and saw the cabinet where the aspirin was supposed to be.  I opened the cabinet and saw the bottle of aspirin and was actually relieved when my eyes landed on the product.  I continued my slow movements up to the bottle and took it out of the cabinet.  I began a debate in my head of how many to take and I knew one or two would not do much so I decided on five or six and actually poured seven into my hand but that was just a guess because I was not in the mood to complete exact math at that moment.

I held the aspirin in one of my hands and I placed the cap back on the bottle and returned it to its rightful spot.  I closed the cabinet door and then turned towards the sink to get some water to help the aspirin down.  I had always known not to take aspirin on an empty stomach but at this moment I was not going to have an argument with minor details.  I got some water in my glass that was on the counter and I took the aspirin.  I was hoping that my iron cast stomach would not get upset and I have to repeat the throwing up scene that finished a few minutes before.  I set the glass down and slowly walked back into the living room glancing at the food on the table and wondering if I should clear the table but I decided to continue to the living room.  I noticed that Bear had not moved from his position on the couch which meant that I had to move him before I could sit down.

As I was walking towards the couch I continually was aware that all my pain was still gone and that my sweating episode had stopped.  I bent over and picked Bear up and moved him a bit further down the couch.  I then turned around and took his old position on the couch and it was not long that he returned and laid down right next to me.  I was not moving much because I was afraid to and I did not want to upset the feeling of no pain in any way.  My mind was racing about what to do next and I even contemplated going outside and waiting for Bonnie to return from town.  Even though I was not in any pain I could feel that things were not right inside and that something was going on that was not normal. Many thoughts travelled through my head during those few moments, it is amazing what a person thinks about when something serious is going on inside their bodies.

I thought about calling work and letting my boss know that I was going to probably be late for work today but I dared not move because I did not want to upset the feeling better trend.  A few moments later I heard the van pull up outside the house and then the van door close.  Bonnie came in the back door and began to look for me which I was not hard to find.  When she saw me she knew that something had happened while she was gone and I gave her the short version while I was sitting on the couch.  I also pointed out that I was not in any pain at the moment, which she did not take to kindly too I might add.  Bonnie said that my color was even worse than it was when she left and I did not argue with her since I had noticed some changes while I was in the bathroom.  She asked if I could stand and I quickly responded yes and I got up like nothing was wrong with me. 

Bonnie walked right beside me while we were leaving the house and made me wait at the back door while she locked it.  I tried to get the door of the gate but she beat me to it and then gave me a glare when I said that all I was doing was trying to help.  I walked through the gate and she shut it behind her and we both proceeded to the van.  She opened the passenger side door and I stood there.  I was going to make a comment about her getting in on the passenger side but I changed my mind with the gravity of the situation ongoing.  I slowly climbed in the van and sat down in the passenger seat and she then closed the door.  I put on my seatbelt and waited for her to get in the van which was only a few seconds longer.  She started the van and we were off to the doctor’s office.

As we left the house I began to tell her what had occurred while she was in town and what actually happened.  I still did not want to move very much because I was really not hurting and did not want anything to change that feeling.  As we got closer to town I felt that some of my strength was coming back to me and I was actually feeling better than I did before I left the house.  So this prompted me to begin to think everything was going to be ok and that whatever had just happened was over.  Bonnie continued to watch me and the road at the same time which I pointed out to her was dangerous and that we could end up in the ditch if she continued to perform the two acts simultaneously.  I also reminded her that it was just a few miles down the road to the doctor’s office and that I would be fin until we arrived there.  Of course she did not like my statement and ignored me and did what she wished.

We crossed town without any difficulties and I continued to gain strength and felt better along the way, enough that I was actually sitting up straight by the time e reached the doctor’s office.  For each bump in the road that Bonnie ran over she apologized but the bumps were not hurting me and there was no need for her apologies.  The road to the doctor’s office and hospital has three or four large dips so that the water can drain properly and while these dips serve a purpose they can be rough if they are not approached with caution.  We pulled up to the doctor’s parking lot and parked.  I unbuckled my seatbelt and then opened the door.  Bonnie got out and was already around the front of the van before I could step onto the ground.  Soon the van was locked up and we were headed into the doors of the office.

I opened one of the outer doors of the doctor’s office and let Bonnie go into the building first.  She in turn then opened the second set of doors that actually led into the receptionist’s area of the office.  I walked through the doors and went up to the receptionist’s desk.  She was already ready for me and I signed all of the necessary paperwork and then walked over to the chairs in the waiting room.  I slowly sat down and began to relax a bit more since my pain was not returning. Actually at this time I was not really feeling bad at all and I could tell that my body was continuing its relaxing process.  A few minutes later the nurse came to me and said it was time.  I stood up from the chair and as I did the nurse said I looked terrible and began to talk to Bonnie asking for details.  Being associated with the same organization for an extended period of time the majority of the employees know each other well which was the case in this instance.  I was escorted back to one of the treatment rooms and I sat down on the exam table.

As she realized that I was secure on the table she asked me to take my shirt off and lay back on the table.  She had my chart out on the counter and was getting things around and in order when the doctor came into the room.  He said all of the pleasantries and then immediately asked me what was going on so I gave him the condensed version of the events.  The nurse was busy trying to give him all of the information that she had at the moment which was not much since I had just arrived.  The doctor listened to my chest and then poked and prodded on my abdomen.  He asked the standard medical questions and then asked the nurse to go get the EKG machine.  She quickly left the room and was gone for a few moments all the while he continued the Q&A session with both Bonnie and I.

In all of the hustle and bustle I had forgotten about how bad the pain had been in my chest and with the addition of his saying that to him it sounded like my heart rhythm was fast but normal I did not immediately think about that pain.  The nurse then returned with the EKG machine and began hooking me up to the leads.  This process always takes awhile so I laid there and watched her complete the task.  I don’t have much hair on my chest so I really did not have any reason for anxiety for when the procedure was complete and it was time to pull off the leads, so I couldn’t use that as an excuse of anticipation if anything was abnormal.

It took a few moments before the machine began to print out its results.  As the EKG was recording my heart patterns the doctor became very quiet while he was looking at the printout.  He asked for the nurse to continue running the leads for a few more cycles which kind of concerned me and I immediately thought that something was significantly wrong with my heart pattern.  He then asked me how I was feeling at that moment and I told him that I was a bit tired but I had no pain and that my strength was returning.  The doctor then said he could not find any abnormalities on the EKG printout.  He put the printouts down on the counter and then returned to me with the stethoscope to listen to my heart once again.  After a few passes across my chest he asked if I could sit up which I did with no problems and then he listened to the back of my chest.

A few moments later he rose up and said that my lungs were clear and that all seemed normal from the outside view of things.  He picked up my chart and looked at it for a moment.  He then said that he did not think that anything was going on with my heart but would recommend that I stay home this evening and return to work on Tuesday.  He looked back down at the chart and then asked the nurse what my blood pressure was and she stated that she had not taken it yet since everyone was in a hurry to get me in to be seen. 

She then placed the blood pressure cuff around my arm and pumped it up.  I have always disliked having my blood pressure taken not that I am scared of what the results would be but because of the way the pressure on my arm made it feel.  Even we in the medical field have their quirks amongst us when it comes to certain procedures, and we can hide it for only so long before we are exposed.  As she reached to what the pressure she thought would be adequate she gave a funny look towards the cuff.  She then continued to pump up the cuff until the pressure was over two hundred, which was really making my arm feel uncomfortable.  But as soon as she began to release the pressure on the cuff I understood why.  I quickly began to feel my pulse as the cuff began to ease along my arm which meant that if she had to go that level on the scale then my blood pressure was very high.  When all was said and done my blood pressure was 170 / 110 which was in the extremely dangerous category and when the doctor found out this result he quickly changed his mind and began the admit proceedings.

I then told bonnie that she should call over to the lab and let my boss know what was going on and to tell him that I was not going to be in that day.  She could also tell him that I probably would not be in the next afternoon either but I should be ok to return on Wednesday since all it probably was that I had high blood pressure.  Bonnie left the room to call my boss and then call my parents to let them know what was transpiring.  After Bonnie left the nurse came back in and was finishing her paperwork in my chart.  The doctor came back in again and began to recheck my heart rhythm and breathing patterns.  He told me that he was finishing up his admit orders and that I would be heading over soon which answered my question if I was going to be allowed to go home and get some things before I went over.

We need to realize that every human being has a destiny that we have been destined to complete.  This destiny is not an option it is a reality that has been implanted in us on a spiritual level and for us to ignore our destiny or to voluntarily blind ourselves to it we are allowing ourselves to be directed in the wrong direction.  This misguided direction will eventually lead us into a path that will present the spiritual contents of our lives into the firing line of our enemy who will then chip away at our inner structure.  It is our enemy’s desire that he isolate us into our own individual worlds that we become defenseless in our abilities to combat his attacks.  In any battle a commander can give orders to the subordinate leaders but if further communication lines are broken and battle conditions warrant a change in tactics, then those who are without contact from the commander are cut off and susceptible to slaughter.

God does not want these conditions to occur in our lives so He sets up roadblocks to help us chose the correct path.  God does not force us to chose His path but the roadblocks should be enough warning to us that we need to change our course of action and to be honest most of us climb over or go right around these Godly roadblocks and proceed on our desired course.  Many of us have read in the Bible concerning tactics that God has used on some of the people in the Bible.  Some even question God and His use of force and violence against these people but if we understand that from the beginning of the Bible the entire process has been for God to restore man back into communion with Him.  And if we continue to ignore these roadblocks that God places into our lives, will we force God to act according to His word?

DLB

Part XVIII to follow……

Heart Condition Part XVI

Heart Condition Part XVI

6/30/12

As in everything that happens there is a time where all warnings and signals cease and the true event begins to unfold.  It does not matter how much reasoning and belief you have in your surroundings or in society or the things that it stands for, in all things the negotiating time does run out and it is the human that has to endure the wrath of the inadequacies that we put our trust into.  In this case it was my heart and the conditions that it was telling me in which I ignored and even though the hand of God was (and still is) on my life He did allow this event to take place to wake me up and to realize some things about Him and what He has planned for my life.

As lunch time approached I began to feel hungry but it was an unusual hunger and a feeling that to this day I cannot explain.  I was hungry but it was an inner pain as well which at the same time made it feel like I had the stomach flu but this was not how I felt it is the only way that I can explain this feeling, which is not even close to what that feeling actually was, understand?  Anyway, lunch was vastly approaching and Bonnie rang once again to let me know that she was on her way home a tad early which was great.  All I had to do was to get out all of the sandwich meat and the corresponding condiments out of the refrigerator.  First came out was the sandwich meat which was located in the crisper at the bottom of the refrigerator.  I bent over and opened the drawer and retrieved the meat and then closed the drawer before I stood back up and then turned around and placed it on the table.

While holding onto the refrigerator door I turned back around and began my search for the condiments which were usually kept in the refrigerator door.  I had to bend over and get the mustard since it was on the bottom of the door which I accomplished with ease and I then rose up and began to turn around when a sharp pain instantly came from deep within my chest.  This pain was different in the fact that it was deep and the pain was different than any other type I had ever experienced.  It was intense enough that I dropped the mustard container onto the floor and in the same motion my hand went up to my chest, like that was going to stop the pain.  As I continued to stand in that one spot the pain went away but slowly this time and not immediate as in most of the other instances.

I then opened up the refrigerator door again which had shut since I had let go of it and continued my search for the other condiments that we were going to need.  Another dull ache presented itself that was located in my upper left shoulder area and it did not go away for a while, as in a few minutes.  With the combination of the two pains within a few minutes I honored my commitment to Bonnie and I began to dial the doctor’s office.  I was not even sure that I was going to reach anyone since it was actually lunch time and most of the time they did not answer their phones.  The receptionist did answer and I told her who I was and then asked if I could talk to the nurse.  I was put on hold for a few seconds and then she answered with a concerned voice.

I told her what was going on and how I was feeling and what type of pain I was having.  I said that I needed to see someone if at all possible.  Knowing me and the fact that if I said I was hurting and not doing well, I was telling the truth she put me on hold for a few more seconds.  She then returned and told me to be in the office at 1230 and that my doctor would see me.  I then hung up the phone and continued to set the table for lunch.  Within a few minutes I had everything ready on the table so that no time would be wasted after Bonnie came home. 

Bonnie arrived just a few seconds after I completed the table setting and she immediately came into the houses.  I was sitting at the table when she came through the door.  She took one look at me and she knew something was not right not that the first words out of her mouth were “you are hurting again aren’t you” gave her away or anything.  I told her yes and then she asked if I had called the doctor’s office and I told her yeas and that I had an appointment at 1230.  She looked at me and then said that she had to return back to work and let everyone know what was going on and give a message to another person.  She looked at the clock and both of knew that it would give us enough time for her to complete this task and return for me. 

She asked if I was ok for her to leave for a few minutes and that she would be right back.  I said yes because right at that moment I was not hurting.  Bonnie turned and left out the back door and soon afterwards I heard the van pull out of the drive.  The large window in the kitchen verified that sound as I sat and watched the van pull onto the highway.  I sat in the chair at the table for a few more minutes and then I knew I had to get some better clothes on before I left the house.  So I stood up and then looked at the things on the table but left them there and began to walk out of the kitchen.

I got out of the kitchen and headed to the bedroom to change.  I got about three steps out of the kitchen and a very sharp and penetrating pain shot through my entire chest.  This pain actually dropped me to my knees right in the middle of the floor.  I stayed there on the floor for a few minutes anticipating the ease of the pain, which did not come anytime soon.  While I was still hurting I realized that I had begun to sweat and not from the heat of the fireplace that was in the area, in fact the fireplace was already cold.  The pain in my chest was not easing but I knew I could not stay in this position and that I had to get up.  My mind began to think about what to do and at this point I was not arguing if this was a heart attack or not, I knew I was in trouble.

I got up off the floor and turned towards the couch.  I saw Bear sitting on the opposite side of the couch just looking at me with a very concerned look about his face.  I sat on the end of the couch still clutching my chest with my left hand.  My mind continued to race and I then came to the conclusion that I needed to do something to try and end the pain.  I then thought about taking aspirin and tried to remember where it was.  Simple medications have a habit of walking away from their normal and appropriate places in our house, so I was hoping that they were where they were supposed to be.  I sat there for a few more seconds which seemed more like an eternity and started to get up when Bear finally made it over to my side of the couch.  I stopped my progress and allowed him to sit next to me.  I petted him for a few moments but I knew I had to do something because the pain was not easing at all.  Sweat continued to form on my forehead and my skin became clammy which I knew was a sign of a heart attack.  I became a bit confused with all that was occurring at once but as I sat there on the couch I did my best to keep my head and think. 

I got up off of the couch in a very slow and controlled manner and as I stood up I immediately felt another blast of pain on top of the pain already present which then brought a wave of nausea over me.  I knew I did not have much time before I threw up so instead of finding the aspirin I headed towards the bathroom.  Since I was alone there was no waiting for access to the toilet which was somewhat of a relief at the time.  I got into the bathroom and raised the lid to the toilet and promptly threw up.  I had not eaten too much all morning so there was not much to throw up but it was the motion of the process that counted towards my symptoms.  After I completed the throwing up task I rose slowly and immediately felt better.

After I was confident enough that I was finished throwing up I stood up and wiped my mouth on my towel that was hanging on the shower sliding door.  I then took a look at myself in the bathroom mirror and realized that I did not look good at all.  I stood there for a second and finally came to the conclusion that I had missed so many symptoms of what was really going on and admitted to myself that I had a serious problem going on inside me.  I then turned on warm water and washed my face to get rid of the “residue” and then turned off the water before I began to dry my face in my towel.  I kept my face in the towel for a few seconds after I had finished drying it and thought about what going to happen next.

I took my face out of the towel and remembered that I had to get some aspirin in me as quick as possible.  I took a quick survey of myself and realized that I was not dizzy and that I had strength to walk so I began to head out of the bathroom.  As I began to leave the bathroom the pain in my chest began to ease which kind of confused me since for the previous few moments each movement I made added to the pain but I did not stand around to see if things changed.  I turned off the light as I left the bathroom and continued very slowly towards the kitchen all the while hoping that the aspirin was in its designated place.  I passed Bear on the couch as he was sitting in the same spot where he was when I left.  He was just looking at me and not making a sound.  My slow and steady steps eventually led me into the kitchen area.

Individuals and being an individual is just that, meaning alone or unique in many things when compared to others.  There is a reason that God has made us in this manner because it reflects on His creativity and how He understands humanity in such a manner that we cannot comprehend.  But with this single made human comes a complexity that is roughly explained throughout the person’s life which allows us to understand our purpose in our existence.  Those who understand that there is a God and that He loves us will have the opportunity to realize this purpose and live our purpose through Him towards others.  You are real and God is real and everything that you encounter in your life has a reason, even in your death it serves as a purpose for others.  Your life represents that same purpose and that is why it is imperative that we submit our desires and needs to God so that He can show us our purpose.

Our individuality also comes in the ways that God tries to get our attention concerning things.  It does not matter if these situations are good things or bad things but what is most important is that we have our spiritual communication lines open enough so that we can hear what God is saying to us.  He wants to show us things both in the physical and in the spiritual worlds but in order for Him to accomplish this feat we must have our eyes and ears open to Him.  So even though we may have the same general characteristics as other humans our inner beings are like no other in this world and how God chooses to get our attention may be similar to others but when you dissect the situation many differences will be noticed. 

DLB

Part XVII to follow…..

Heart Condition Part XV

Heart Condition Part XV

6/29/12

As I stood and watched the girls drive away I wondered what the day would bring since this would be my first time alone after my pains had begun.  At that moment I really did not believe anything major would happen since nothing had transpired over the last few days.  I turned and took a glimpse of the Grand Mesa for a bit and then made my way to the pear tree that was close to the corner of the house.  The tree had scads of pears on it and all of them were ripe and ready to be picked.  For the most part pears are usually ok until the first hard freeze of the year and will stay in this condition until something happens with them.  We usually did not do too much with the pears and we missed a great opportunity with not turning them into some type of food for our family.

I stood underneath the pear tree for a bit and continued my gaze towards the Mesa.  It was a nice clear and crisp morning and with the sun rising from the east it made for a lovely site to watch for a while.  As I stood in my spot under the tree I began to smell the wood in the fireplace which also provided another reason why I liked this area of the country.  After a short while I turned around and headed back towards the back gate.  My neighbor next to us was leaving to go to town and was pulling out of his drive when I began to approach the gate.  I waved at him as I opened the back gate.  Bear was sitting at the gate watching my movements and then got up when the gate opened.  He turned and went towards the door and was almost there by the time I had the gate closed.

I reached the door and Bear was right at the screen and I actually had to tell him to move so I could open the thing and of course he took his time in moving.  I opened the screen and he stepped down into the floor of the house and then continued on into the living room.  I went through and closed the screen door behind me along with the door.  I went into the back bathroom and spent a few minutes in there.  Nothing surprising happened while I was in there and everything came out ok once again.  I then walked into the living room and began to check on the fire again.  I did not want too much of a fire since the daytime temperature would warm enough to heat the house naturally.  So I stirred the wood around for a bit and then closed the doors to the insert.

I walked over to the couch and sat down for a bit.  Bear jumped up on the couch and sat right next to me.  I petted him and talked to him for a few seconds, just as any human would do with a close pet.  Bear and I went back a long ways and had been through many trials together.  Even though he could not talk to me it always seemed like he understood what I was saying and was always there when I needed company.  We lost Bear the winter before we moved into our current house and to this day I still miss his presence in the house.

As I was sitting on the couch a thought occurred to me, what if something serious actually happened to me when no one was around?  It was a scenario that I had not thought about before cause someone had been around me the entire time I had off of work.  As I began to ponder this thought serious questions began to run through my head about things after I was gone, and what would happen to everyone if I was not around any longer.  To be honest these thoughts were horrifying to me but I also knew that if something did happen and I was no longer around there would not be much I could do about it.

I then started thinking about my pains again and what kind of pattern they had and I could not come up with any logical pattern to justify them representing chest pains from a person who had a heart condition.  The pains that I incurred had no definitive pattern and quickly went away, none of them stayed for any length of time and also did not follow any patterns that I had read about or even heard about in all my years of medical experience.  So with this conception in my head I came to the conclusion that the pains were due to something else and that if they persisted I would go to the doctor and pursue their origins.  I looked at the clock on the wall and realized that I had been contemplating these thoughts for about thirty minutes and that it was time to get off the couch and get cleaned up.

I got up from the couch and as I did Bear gave me this odd look like “where are you going?” and then put his head back down as I began to move away from the couch.  I walked across the floor and went into the bathroom.  Since I was the only one in the house and I knew the Monday routines of everyone in the family I did not close the bathroom door.  I opened the bathtub sliding door and bent over to turn the water on for a nice hot shower.  As I began to raise up the same type of dizziness as earlier that morning came over me but this time it was when I was raising up and not turning around.  I grabbed onto the sliding door handle and stood there for a few seconds and the feeling went away.  I slowly sat down on the toilet and kind of gathered my thoughts, took a quick survey of my condition and realized that no pain was there and I decided that I was safe to stand up and continue.

I took my clothes off and turned towards the bathtub and once again grabbed the sliding door handle and slid it open and proceeded to enter into the tube with the streaming hot water.  The hot water felt good to my skin which it always did because I loved taking a very hot shower, as do I continue this practice to this day.  No other major events occurred during the shower and after all movements were completed I bent over and turned the water and shower control knob off.  I then reached for the sliding bar and opened the door and reached around and retrieved my towel.  I then closed the shower door again to keep as much warm air in the bath tub until I had dried off; kind of funny since I am a person who loves the cold weather.  I finished drying off and then opened the shower door for the last time and stepped out onto the rug that lined the base of the tub.  I then stepped on the toilet and dried my lower legs off.

I wrapped my towel around my waist and then picked up my clothes and then headed out of the bathroom and towards the bedroom.  I then placed my clothes on the bed and got into my chest drawers and began the process of getting my lounge clothes on for the day.  When this task was completed I then took my towel and walked back into the bathroom and promptly hung it up in its rightful place.  I turned and opened the drawer and got out my brush and began to brush my wet hair into place.  Brushing my teeth came next, which was another part of my daily morning routine after all the natives left the proverbial tepee.  Most of these personal tasks would be impossible for me to complete if the girls had still been there and begin the only male human in the tepee I was quickly outnumbered so my voice in the matter was ignored by the majority.

As my bathroom tasks were completed I believed that I would grab some more coffee before I returned to the office and the computer setting procedures.  I went into the kitchen and as I was getting my coffee cup from the table the thought of my pains and my new symptom of dizziness crossed my mind.  The dizziness kind of concerned me since I knew that could mean that not enough oxygen was getting from my lungs to my body so I did the next natural thing, which was to take a deep breath and test out the theory.  Boy did that breath of air feel good and as I released the contents of my lungs outward no pain was present and no dizziness came over my body either.  Another opportunity to get things checked out before the actual event had occurred because after that “test” I did not think about my symptoms much more.

I brought my coffee cup into the office and set it down on its usual resting place.  I moved the mouse which took off the screen saver and my background automatically appeared.  All of my internet icons were present and I then proceeded to click on the one that would gain me access to the net.  As the sound of the computer was connecting I waited for a few seconds and then my “homepage” showed up as usual.  At this time my fascination with history was ever growing but it was mainly confined to Central America and since my family and I had been to that part of the world its history was the focal point of my reading at that time.

We did not have any fancy printer at this time so every page that I decided to print out took what seemed a lifetime to complete.  The material that I was interested in was about the civil war in el Salvador during the 1980s through to the early 1990s.  There was a website hat had many of the communiqué messages that both sides transmitted during the war.  Of course it was not even close to the accurate amount that was actually given but it was a place for me to start reading and learning more about that terrible situation.  I continued to print the records out that I was interested in reading which would have taken but a few minutes with today’s printers but took almost an hour by the old way of printing standards.

As I sat in my chair and read the messages I began to wonder about the people in the village that dad and I travelled to a couple of years before.  Some of the living conditions I witnessed reminded me of my Haiti trip but other conditions reminded me of the current living conditions I had at the time.  Two worlds collided in that country and both of them were united in a war against each other’s beliefs which over the years had ripped out the hearts of so many of the people.  I paused for a moment in my reading to attend to the printer which was still printing off one page at a time very slowly.  You had to move the tractor paper out of the way ever so often or it would get caught up and then get tangled and when this occurred whoever was there had no choice but to start over.

After all of the pages had printed out I tore the last one off and then continued to read the messages.  I had been on the net for some time so I knew I had to get off and see if anyone had been trying to call.  Modern technology had done its job in connecting the world to everyone but it was still slow in arriving outside the city limits of Delta, Colorado.  About two minutes after I had disconnected from the net the phone rang and I answered it as soon as I reached the phone.  It was Bonnie and when I answered the first thing that she said was that she was surprised that she had gotten through so soon, which meant that this was her first time to try.  Monday’s at the church could be very hectic and many times we would not talk until lunch time.

She began the conversation with that famous question of hers and once again I answered her with the truth that I had no pain at all; however, I left out the dizziness episodes.  The conversation shortly turned to lunch and I looked at my watch and realized that it was getting close to the lunch hour. Bonnie told me that she might be a few minutes late in getting home but it would not be too much longer.  So after a general time setting for lunch was agreed upon we said our goodbyes and hung up.  I looked at my watch again and could not believe that the morning had past so quickly and that the hour would soon approach that I would give up my peaceful tranquility and return to my workplace.  I enjoyed my alone time during the mornings since the moment I entered into the work building the serene feelings of mine would immediately be met with the hustle and bustle of people needing results.  This was not a bad thing I enjoy my job to its fullest and that feeling shall never change.

For all of us who like to be alone or like to have meaningful moments by ourselves, we operate in a different manner that the masses occupy.  But even though we might believe that this solo position is a good thing we must continue to be diligent in keeping our eyes and ears open and focused on the true direction.  It is easier for us to lose this edge and to hide within ourselves and stay safe within our own worlds.  Yes, we have our families and our social groups but what I am talking about is our inner begins and that which we listen to and see.  It is this corner of our lives that we must keep in contact with God and what He is trying to show us.  It is also easy for us to ignore the “outer” senses that are warning us that something is not right and that we need to pay attention to our surroundings.

This is God’s way of showing us that He is still with us and even though He allows us to have our individual quirks He is still in control and desires to protect us from all harm.  We must not be so caught up in our own private inner world that we miss His voice and the signs that He gives us.  There is only one “me” and that “me” must remind “me” on a constant basis that it is special and important to not only “me” but to the others that God wants “me” to be around.  Even though I might wrap myself in the luxury of being alone, there is still a war going on for my spirit and if I isolate myself physically and spiritually then I am an easy target for the enemy, whether I am doing God’s work or not.

DLB

Part XVI to follow……

Heart Condition Part XIV

Heart Condition Part XIV

6/27/12

My night’s rest ended abruptly when the alarm went off signaling it was time to get out of bed and get the girls ready for their day.  I laid in bed for just a few seconds until Bear had moved enough for me to get out without flipping him onto the other side of the bed.  As he sat on the edge of the bed he looked back at me with that curious look on his face once again and then as Bonnie picked him up off the bed and put him on the ground he scampered out of the room and headed to complete his morning business.  As he was leaving the room I realized that he was not up at his usual time and that he did not sit and stare at one of us until we woke up which was usually before our alarm sounded.  I tossed this thought aside and crawled out of bed and began to look for my slippers.

With all of the hustling and other racket going on in the house reality set in and told each one of us that playtime was over and it was now back to our regularly scheduled program in which school and work dictated our every movement.  I went into the bathroom and sat on the toilet for a few moments.  My mind began to think about the weekend and how I considered it to be basically pain-free and further padded my belief that nothing was seriously wrong.  A knock on the door broke my train of thought followed by the words of “how long are you going to be in there”?  I said that I was almost done and would be out in a few minutes.  My thoughts returned to my possible problem and I continued to mull over the options that I wished to think about.

My five minute morning bathroom time was used up and the natives were letting me know in their own ways that I no longer belonged in that area and that my eviction was imminent if I did not vacate right then and now.  I was already washing my hands and opened the door only to be rushed by incoming girls, they did not even give me time to get out of the way.  Brushes and other hair supplies flew out of the bathroom so fast that I believed I heard the sound barrier break.  They certainly had no time for dad or what he was doing their goals were determined and sites set and I was not going to stand in their way.  So, on this front everything seemed to be in order and normal.  I passed the fireplace insert and opened it and took the poker from its stand and then rearranged the coals.  I saw that they were still red underneath so I placed a few logs into the area and then closed the doors to the insert.  I then placed the poker back into its stand and walked towards the kitchen.

As the rush of girls came pouring into the bathroom the smell of breakfast cooking in the kitchen began to infiltrate the area as well.  Breakfast on a school morning was always interesting in which there was hardly ever a time that all of us actually sat down together and began breakfast, ate breakfast and ended breakfast at the same time.  Bekkah was usually the first one at the table and was “starving” and always wanted mom to hurry up.  Tatem would eventually join us as the last installment to the table but at some point all of us were located in our appropriate places but as soon as whomever finished first, they were gone to continue the getting ready process.  I made one of my common snide comments to Bekkah concerning that if she would slow down when she ate that she could actually taste her food and that she might enjoy it better to which I received no response as she looked at me when she left the kitchen.  It was a wonderful routine that we had each weekday morning and I would have had it any other way.  I am not going to mention Bear in this portion but his place at the table was next to me sitting on his hind legs looking like a furry Buddha waiting for a handout of food, see he thought he was starving as well.  It was a chaotic scene but it was a time that I had to see all of my girls and nothing could take that away.

Most of the time all of the girls had left the table before Bonnie and I had an opportunity to sit down and discuss the plans for the day and coming evening, which this particular morning was one of those times.  We began to discuss what was happening and what we were going to eat for dinner and spoke about a few bills that needed to be paid, in other words just normal talk between the adults in the house.  We finished eating and placed the plates into the sink and then rinsed them and set them to dry.  I would take care of them at some part of the morning after they dried. 

I left the kitchen and walked into the hall to go to the office when I heard the sound of water running in the bathroom which was both the little girls trying to brush their teeth at the same time.  This made me smile as I began to go into the office knowing that in about five minutes that it would be time for me to go out and start the van so the engine would be warm and so the inside of the van as well.  I did not have many jobs to complete during the morning rush hour at the house but when I was asked to do something I tried my best to get it done as soon as possible.

I sat in my chair and found the on/off button on the computer.  I pushed the button and the computer began its startup procedures.  High speed internet was not available where we lived so only the dial up speed was accessible so it was a common thing to turn off the computer at our house each night.  I watched the words, dots and other patterns go down the screen and then the main screen came up.  My background picture appeared and the computer’s “brain” was just a rolling right along doing its normal thing.  I looked at my watch and realized it was time for the van to be started so I got out of my chair and headed to find Bonnie’s keys.  We will not address the key situation at this time but just know that the process can be comical and frustrating at the same time.

I located the keys and began my walk to the back door.  Bear followed me seeing that it was another opportune time for him to go outside and see what the back yard was offering.  Plus, each time he heard keys jingling he thought it might be an opportunity for him to go somewhere.  I opened the back door and then the screen it was not that cold so I did not shut either one of them.  I then reached the back gate and opened it and made sure Bear was no where around as I walked out of the yard.  I did close the gate door since Bear was an opportunist when it came to getting out of the backyard.

I pushed the automatic key button and unlocked the van doors.  If I did not unlock all doors at this time I would forget about it and then it would be promptly brought to my attention when I went out with Bonnie to make sure all was ok inside the van.  I opened the driver’s side door and got into the seat and put the key into the ignition.  I turned the key and the van started right up as usual.  I turned down the radio to a dull roar and then I turned on the heat so that the temperature would be somewhat warmer when everyone arrived.  I then jumped out of the driver’s seat and then shut the door.  As I walked around the front of the van it sounded great and it looked like everything was going on as schedule.  I opened the back gate again and saw Bear at the gate waiting for me to return.  I came through the gate and then closed it behind me.  Bear walked in front of me and went back into the house before I did.  I then shut the screen door and back door behind me as I entered into the house.

I went into the kitchen and saw Bekkah waiting at the table and I asked her if she was ready to go to Marla’s, she said yes and asked if she could go to the van.  I said wait for your sister and then you guys could go out, fully knowing that neither one of the little girls could open any of the van doors since they were too small.  Tatem was almost finished brushing her teeth when Rachel arrived in the kitchen.  These two loved going to Marla’s and it was a blessing for us to have Marla as a Christian option for their preschool years and the girls learned so much during that period of time as well.

Tatem finished brushing her teeth and gathered her things that were on the couch.  I was still standing in the kitchen with the two little girls when Tatem said she was ready.  Those words prompted another furious motion towards the back door.  I loudly asked the girls if they were forgetting something and they both looked at me with the “I have no clue what you are babbling about old man” look on their faces until I mentioned a kiss.  They then both ran back to me and gave me their daily kisses and then stormed out the door without looking back.  Bonnie had her coat on and was gathering her other things as Tatem left the house.

As Bonnie and I were heading towards the door she asked me if I had been hurting at all and once again I could honestly tell her that I was not and had not been hurting.  Yet, even though I was telling her the truth I was not giving her the entire information either which I really couldn’t do that since I had no idea what exactly was going on inside my heart.  Bonnie told me that I looked terrible and that my color was not as it should have been.  I asked her to describe it and she said I looked pale and almost a green color.  I found that comment odd but continued towards the door.  Bonnie then asked me if I remembered my promise about any chest pain and I responded “yes I did”.

I walked Bonnie out to the van. Bear came out with us and went immediately to the yard to look around for whatever dogs look for.  I opened the gate and noticed that the girls were all ready for me to shut the sliding door.  I went over to the sliding door and told them that I loved them and I hoped they had a great day.  I then turned to Tatem who was in the passenger seat and told her the exam same thing and to remember to buckle up.  I closed the sliding door in one motion and then turned to walk towards the driver’s side with Bonnie.  As I turned to walk a weird sensation came over me it almost made me have the feeling of being dizzy but at the same time I was not dizzy at all.  I kind of made a quick facial expression and then immediately looked around to see if anyone saw what had happened.  I then placed my feet in front of me and walked around the front of the van without any pain or other balance problems.  I went to the driver’s door and shut it firmly.  Bonnie rolled down the window and began to tell me quietly about my promise.  I nodded and then she gave me that look that she gives me when she doesn’t believe my answer in which I returned quickly by saying I promise.  She rolled the window up as I stepped back from the van.  She put the van in drive and pulled forward and made the circle out to the long driveway that led to the road into Delta.  I stood and waved as they turned on the road.

All of us have said at one point in time that we can only live one day at a time.  While this statement is a fact there comes a point during that day of ours that we might not get past, so instead of living one day at a time we might want to reclassify that saying to we only can live one moment to the next.  God has His own timing for everything and for the most part we have no clue of His methods or ideologies for our lives.  All we know is that His love for us allows us to live our life by our own means and we have the opportunity to make personal choices for just about anything.  Governments can control our mouths and where we might go but no government can control what is in our heart and what our heart stands for on a daily basis.

God does recognize this aspect of our hearts but there comes a time that He knows when to let other circumstances present themselves in our lives in such a manner that is a little bit more pointed to get our attention.  He also knows our heart well enough to say your time has ended or it is time for a directional change or even hey, I am trying to tell you something.  Whatever the circumstance may be God is in complete control of your life whether you believe it or not or whether you know it or not.  God is….God and I am not.  So, He has to get our attention in various ways so that we can understand and fulfill His plan and purpose for our lives.  Some of us listen more closely than others which is also a human trait J

DLB

Part XV to follow……

Heart Condition Part XIII

Heart Condition Part XIII

6/27/12

As we approached Cedaredge the remnants of the festival was still visible on each side of the street.  Many of the venders had closed up shop and were placing their remaining items into various vehicles, essentially cleaning up and heading home until next year.  Some people were still hanging around and having conversations along the sidewalks but for the most part and by catching a quick glimpse it would have seemed that the festival was a success.  As previously stated we had decided not to attend the festival this year and to be honest we really have not attended that particular festival very often, which is another shame on my part since the festival can be added to the many options of beauty that this State has to offer and I have refused.

Many road signs warned of us possible children at play and even saw one that said to be watchful of animals suddenly crossing the road.  Small town festivals have always been an interesting concept of mine in that it brings out the actual life of the town which can be represented as the heart of the town which is what makes that particular town thrive and sets it apart from every other town in the area.  As we slowly drove down Main Street we decided to stop in at one of the popular shops and get some apple cider to keep in the refrigerator for a while.  All of us like apple cider and since we are from the area we have a prejudice that the local cider is the best.  After a few minutes in the store we all climbed back into the van and continued our trek towards home.

As we left Cedaredge Bonnie asked how I was feeling and I turned and said that I was feeling great and that I had no pain all day and that I was hardly tired at all.  I then asked her how I looked and she responded that I did look ok but however I looked tired.  The usually short fifteen minute drive from Cedaredge to Delta is a pretty one but some of the time you get behind some people that are driving way too slow for highway speed and frustration can arise.  We had come upon a long line of cars and at that moment we were the last vehicle in line which we soon gave that title to others that approached from the rear.  The short drive lasted almost twenty minutes to the intersection of Highway 92 and then a short four lane stretch back into Delta.

We crossed town and began to climb the small mesa that would lead us back to our pink house that sat close to the side of the road.  As we approached the house I asked everyone if they had a good time and everyone was in agreement that it was a great day and that we should do this more often.  We pulled into our dirt driveway and I parked the van close to the back gate behind the house.  The young girls quickly unbuckled themselves from their seats and began to open the sliding door of the van.  Bear had woke up and realized that we were home and a renewed energy came over him, he was ready to get out and be back at home.  I sat in the van for a second and looked around to see if I could carry anything inside.  Not much was left since we did not take too many things up with us.  Tatem got out wand then closed the sliding door behind her, Bonnie was already out with Bear and both were already in the back yard.  I opened my door and jumped down pain free and closed the door behind me.  A click was almost immediately heard when I pressed the electronic lock and I walked to the gate went through it and closed it behind me.

As the back door to the house opened we were greeted with the familiar confines of our house which even though we had a wonderful day it is always nice to be back in your own home.  We put our things in their respective places and then began to prepare for the start of the week.  The girls had school, preschool and other places to be the next day so all bits and pieces had to be accounted for before the morning came.  Tatem headed to the bathroom to take a shower and Bonnie and I headed to our bedroom to take off the excess clothes.  I finished first and walked into the living room and sat down on the couch.  Bear met me and jumped up next to me and laid down, he still looked at me in an unusual way but I ignored it as he placed his head on the couch.

I sat on the couch and thought about the trip that we had just taken and how much it actually meant for us to have spent the day together.  Since school started, and all other times of the year to be honest, we did not spend as much time together as a family and when I realized that I was truly upset with myself and told myself that that work, work, work mentality had to stop and that my family deserved to have me in their life more.  But, it was not at this time that I actually put that plan into motion in fact when Bonnie came around the corner and asked me what I was going to wear for work on Monday those thoughts flew right out of my head.

The other side of the picture which I knew about but really did not believe applied to me includes the fact that people with heart problems should not be engaging any activity in high altitudes.  Humans with undiagnosed heart problems are especially at risk when they enter into these conditions.  Ever since moving to this beautiful state I have had the experience of working on many hunters from the South who come up to the high altitude and have major heart attacks or die because of they did not realize the presence of their underlying heart condition.  Even if they do not have a heart condition others find themselves in the same situation due to the effects that high altitudes take away their functional oxygen levels simply because the air is thinner at these levels than at lower elevations.  I have mentioned this before but it is worthy of repeating once again.

Then you take my problem in which I continually ignored all of the small symptoms and then totally denied other symptoms and went up into high altitudes and having one of the best days of my life, kind of ironic don’t you think?  The heart muscle needs every bit of the oxygen molecules that surrounds the heart’s environment it gets used to this level of oxygen and then responds accordingly.  So if you take this supply of oxygen away from the heart, even for a few seconds the danger of something happening to this environment increases proportionally and completes the damage many times without the person knowing it which is exactly what occurred in my situation.  The decision for us to take a small day trip to the mountains was really a good idea but in the long run my insides reaped the damage that would soon appear.

Not many events occurred that Sunday evening it was pretty quiet in the household.  Bonnie was completing the laundry for the girls and making sure that all of their things were around for school in the morning.  Dinner was nice and as usual a family affair.  I continued to feel good with no pain and really arrived at the point where I was beginning to place the entire situation into the back of my head and moving forward with the workweek.  After the girls got put into their respective beds the older kiddo and we adults settled into the evening.  It was chilly outside so it was time to build a fire for the overnight heat.  This time of the year it was still warm enough during the day to not have a fire but in the evenings the temperature would drop to below freezing some nights and this night was one of those nights.

It took me a bit to get the fire started but it eventually lit and began to burn.  The smell of wood smoke in the house was always a wonderful smell to me.  Growing up in the south we did not have too many opportunities to build a fire but we did enjoy them when they came around.  Bonnie on the other hand was raised with wood heat and basically froze when she was subjected to gas heat.  I loved to build the fire and watch it grow in the insert that we had.  The crackling of the wood and the warmth that it provided to the house cannot be accurately described but as delightful.  We usually burned pinion and cedar for the most part which would always keep the house quite toasty.

After the fire was properly started and producing some heat, a few minutes of television was next on the agenda.  Since the next day was going to be busy and an early one not much sitting up would be done by Bonnie, but we watched a few programs and then watched the first portion of the news and decided to go to bed.  I usually stayed up later than Bonnie since I worked evenings and I could return to bed if I chose to after everyone else had left for the day but as the evening continued I found myself becoming more tired than normal so all of the older people in the house went to bed at approximately the same time.

As we were preparing to get into the bed I noticed that Bear was sitting at the end of the bed staring at me.  I looked down at him and asked him what the matter was and he just continued to stare and not move too much.  At first I thought he was not feeling well or that he was tired but as soon as I bent over to pick him up he became his normal wiggly self in his anticipation of getting to sleep in the bed with us.  However, he did not take his normal position at the foot of the bed but instead he plopped down right next to my pillow and did not move.  When I got into bed he moved down to my side and basically remained there for the remainder of the night.  As the light went off Bonnie asked me how I was feeling and at that point I had no pain but I was very tired.

As I look back on things I remember that God has a funny way of letting people know that things are not “right in their world”.  In this case it was my dog Bear.  He noticed something about me that sent an uneasy feeling to him and as far as we can know it was something that he understood about my inner begin that I failed or ignored to recognize.  God is an amazing character in which our finite minds will never grasp His concepts but one thing is for certain, His love for us endures throughout all trials and circumstances both the ones we can see and the ones that we cannot see.  His Word tell us that He is a forgiving God and one who wishes for us to be restored back into communion with Him.  I have many more things to share concerning my heart story which will eventually include a second part of my heart condition, but for now I will proceed with this specific event in my life.

DLB

Part XIV to follow….