Heart Condition Part XVI
6/30/12
As in everything that happens there is a time where all warnings and signals cease and the true event begins to unfold. It does not matter how much reasoning and belief you have in your surroundings or in society or the things that it stands for, in all things the negotiating time does run out and it is the human that has to endure the wrath of the inadequacies that we put our trust into. In this case it was my heart and the conditions that it was telling me in which I ignored and even though the hand of God was (and still is) on my life He did allow this event to take place to wake me up and to realize some things about Him and what He has planned for my life.
As lunch time approached I began to feel hungry but it was an unusual hunger and a feeling that to this day I cannot explain. I was hungry but it was an inner pain as well which at the same time made it feel like I had the stomach flu but this was not how I felt it is the only way that I can explain this feeling, which is not even close to what that feeling actually was, understand? Anyway, lunch was vastly approaching and Bonnie rang once again to let me know that she was on her way home a tad early which was great. All I had to do was to get out all of the sandwich meat and the corresponding condiments out of the refrigerator. First came out was the sandwich meat which was located in the crisper at the bottom of the refrigerator. I bent over and opened the drawer and retrieved the meat and then closed the drawer before I stood back up and then turned around and placed it on the table.
While holding onto the refrigerator door I turned back around and began my search for the condiments which were usually kept in the refrigerator door. I had to bend over and get the mustard since it was on the bottom of the door which I accomplished with ease and I then rose up and began to turn around when a sharp pain instantly came from deep within my chest. This pain was different in the fact that it was deep and the pain was different than any other type I had ever experienced. It was intense enough that I dropped the mustard container onto the floor and in the same motion my hand went up to my chest, like that was going to stop the pain. As I continued to stand in that one spot the pain went away but slowly this time and not immediate as in most of the other instances.
I then opened up the refrigerator door again which had shut since I had let go of it and continued my search for the other condiments that we were going to need. Another dull ache presented itself that was located in my upper left shoulder area and it did not go away for a while, as in a few minutes. With the combination of the two pains within a few minutes I honored my commitment to Bonnie and I began to dial the doctor’s office. I was not even sure that I was going to reach anyone since it was actually lunch time and most of the time they did not answer their phones. The receptionist did answer and I told her who I was and then asked if I could talk to the nurse. I was put on hold for a few seconds and then she answered with a concerned voice.
I told her what was going on and how I was feeling and what type of pain I was having. I said that I needed to see someone if at all possible. Knowing me and the fact that if I said I was hurting and not doing well, I was telling the truth she put me on hold for a few more seconds. She then returned and told me to be in the office at 1230 and that my doctor would see me. I then hung up the phone and continued to set the table for lunch. Within a few minutes I had everything ready on the table so that no time would be wasted after Bonnie came home.
Bonnie arrived just a few seconds after I completed the table setting and she immediately came into the houses. I was sitting at the table when she came through the door. She took one look at me and she knew something was not right not that the first words out of her mouth were “you are hurting again aren’t you” gave her away or anything. I told her yes and then she asked if I had called the doctor’s office and I told her yeas and that I had an appointment at 1230. She looked at me and then said that she had to return back to work and let everyone know what was going on and give a message to another person. She looked at the clock and both of knew that it would give us enough time for her to complete this task and return for me.
She asked if I was ok for her to leave for a few minutes and that she would be right back. I said yes because right at that moment I was not hurting. Bonnie turned and left out the back door and soon afterwards I heard the van pull out of the drive. The large window in the kitchen verified that sound as I sat and watched the van pull onto the highway. I sat in the chair at the table for a few more minutes and then I knew I had to get some better clothes on before I left the house. So I stood up and then looked at the things on the table but left them there and began to walk out of the kitchen.
I got out of the kitchen and headed to the bedroom to change. I got about three steps out of the kitchen and a very sharp and penetrating pain shot through my entire chest. This pain actually dropped me to my knees right in the middle of the floor. I stayed there on the floor for a few minutes anticipating the ease of the pain, which did not come anytime soon. While I was still hurting I realized that I had begun to sweat and not from the heat of the fireplace that was in the area, in fact the fireplace was already cold. The pain in my chest was not easing but I knew I could not stay in this position and that I had to get up. My mind began to think about what to do and at this point I was not arguing if this was a heart attack or not, I knew I was in trouble.
I got up off the floor and turned towards the couch. I saw Bear sitting on the opposite side of the couch just looking at me with a very concerned look about his face. I sat on the end of the couch still clutching my chest with my left hand. My mind continued to race and I then came to the conclusion that I needed to do something to try and end the pain. I then thought about taking aspirin and tried to remember where it was. Simple medications have a habit of walking away from their normal and appropriate places in our house, so I was hoping that they were where they were supposed to be. I sat there for a few more seconds which seemed more like an eternity and started to get up when Bear finally made it over to my side of the couch. I stopped my progress and allowed him to sit next to me. I petted him for a few moments but I knew I had to do something because the pain was not easing at all. Sweat continued to form on my forehead and my skin became clammy which I knew was a sign of a heart attack. I became a bit confused with all that was occurring at once but as I sat there on the couch I did my best to keep my head and think.
I got up off of the couch in a very slow and controlled manner and as I stood up I immediately felt another blast of pain on top of the pain already present which then brought a wave of nausea over me. I knew I did not have much time before I threw up so instead of finding the aspirin I headed towards the bathroom. Since I was alone there was no waiting for access to the toilet which was somewhat of a relief at the time. I got into the bathroom and raised the lid to the toilet and promptly threw up. I had not eaten too much all morning so there was not much to throw up but it was the motion of the process that counted towards my symptoms. After I completed the throwing up task I rose slowly and immediately felt better.
After I was confident enough that I was finished throwing up I stood up and wiped my mouth on my towel that was hanging on the shower sliding door. I then took a look at myself in the bathroom mirror and realized that I did not look good at all. I stood there for a second and finally came to the conclusion that I had missed so many symptoms of what was really going on and admitted to myself that I had a serious problem going on inside me. I then turned on warm water and washed my face to get rid of the “residue” and then turned off the water before I began to dry my face in my towel. I kept my face in the towel for a few seconds after I had finished drying it and thought about what going to happen next.
I took my face out of the towel and remembered that I had to get some aspirin in me as quick as possible. I took a quick survey of myself and realized that I was not dizzy and that I had strength to walk so I began to head out of the bathroom. As I began to leave the bathroom the pain in my chest began to ease which kind of confused me since for the previous few moments each movement I made added to the pain but I did not stand around to see if things changed. I turned off the light as I left the bathroom and continued very slowly towards the kitchen all the while hoping that the aspirin was in its designated place. I passed Bear on the couch as he was sitting in the same spot where he was when I left. He was just looking at me and not making a sound. My slow and steady steps eventually led me into the kitchen area.
Individuals and being an individual is just that, meaning alone or unique in many things when compared to others. There is a reason that God has made us in this manner because it reflects on His creativity and how He understands humanity in such a manner that we cannot comprehend. But with this single made human comes a complexity that is roughly explained throughout the person’s life which allows us to understand our purpose in our existence. Those who understand that there is a God and that He loves us will have the opportunity to realize this purpose and live our purpose through Him towards others. You are real and God is real and everything that you encounter in your life has a reason, even in your death it serves as a purpose for others. Your life represents that same purpose and that is why it is imperative that we submit our desires and needs to God so that He can show us our purpose.
Our individuality also comes in the ways that God tries to get our attention concerning things. It does not matter if these situations are good things or bad things but what is most important is that we have our spiritual communication lines open enough so that we can hear what God is saying to us. He wants to show us things both in the physical and in the spiritual worlds but in order for Him to accomplish this feat we must have our eyes and ears open to Him. So even though we may have the same general characteristics as other humans our inner beings are like no other in this world and how God chooses to get our attention may be similar to others but when you dissect the situation many differences will be noticed.
DLB
Part XVII to follow…..
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