Heart Condition Part XV
6/29/12
As I stood and watched the girls drive away I wondered what the day would bring since this would be my first time alone after my pains had begun. At that moment I really did not believe anything major would happen since nothing had transpired over the last few days. I turned and took a glimpse of the Grand Mesa for a bit and then made my way to the pear tree that was close to the corner of the house. The tree had scads of pears on it and all of them were ripe and ready to be picked. For the most part pears are usually ok until the first hard freeze of the year and will stay in this condition until something happens with them. We usually did not do too much with the pears and we missed a great opportunity with not turning them into some type of food for our family.
I stood underneath the pear tree for a bit and continued my gaze towards the Mesa. It was a nice clear and crisp morning and with the sun rising from the east it made for a lovely site to watch for a while. As I stood in my spot under the tree I began to smell the wood in the fireplace which also provided another reason why I liked this area of the country. After a short while I turned around and headed back towards the back gate. My neighbor next to us was leaving to go to town and was pulling out of his drive when I began to approach the gate. I waved at him as I opened the back gate. Bear was sitting at the gate watching my movements and then got up when the gate opened. He turned and went towards the door and was almost there by the time I had the gate closed.
I reached the door and Bear was right at the screen and I actually had to tell him to move so I could open the thing and of course he took his time in moving. I opened the screen and he stepped down into the floor of the house and then continued on into the living room. I went through and closed the screen door behind me along with the door. I went into the back bathroom and spent a few minutes in there. Nothing surprising happened while I was in there and everything came out ok once again. I then walked into the living room and began to check on the fire again. I did not want too much of a fire since the daytime temperature would warm enough to heat the house naturally. So I stirred the wood around for a bit and then closed the doors to the insert.
I walked over to the couch and sat down for a bit. Bear jumped up on the couch and sat right next to me. I petted him and talked to him for a few seconds, just as any human would do with a close pet. Bear and I went back a long ways and had been through many trials together. Even though he could not talk to me it always seemed like he understood what I was saying and was always there when I needed company. We lost Bear the winter before we moved into our current house and to this day I still miss his presence in the house.
As I was sitting on the couch a thought occurred to me, what if something serious actually happened to me when no one was around? It was a scenario that I had not thought about before cause someone had been around me the entire time I had off of work. As I began to ponder this thought serious questions began to run through my head about things after I was gone, and what would happen to everyone if I was not around any longer. To be honest these thoughts were horrifying to me but I also knew that if something did happen and I was no longer around there would not be much I could do about it.
I then started thinking about my pains again and what kind of pattern they had and I could not come up with any logical pattern to justify them representing chest pains from a person who had a heart condition. The pains that I incurred had no definitive pattern and quickly went away, none of them stayed for any length of time and also did not follow any patterns that I had read about or even heard about in all my years of medical experience. So with this conception in my head I came to the conclusion that the pains were due to something else and that if they persisted I would go to the doctor and pursue their origins. I looked at the clock on the wall and realized that I had been contemplating these thoughts for about thirty minutes and that it was time to get off the couch and get cleaned up.
I got up from the couch and as I did Bear gave me this odd look like “where are you going?” and then put his head back down as I began to move away from the couch. I walked across the floor and went into the bathroom. Since I was the only one in the house and I knew the Monday routines of everyone in the family I did not close the bathroom door. I opened the bathtub sliding door and bent over to turn the water on for a nice hot shower. As I began to raise up the same type of dizziness as earlier that morning came over me but this time it was when I was raising up and not turning around. I grabbed onto the sliding door handle and stood there for a few seconds and the feeling went away. I slowly sat down on the toilet and kind of gathered my thoughts, took a quick survey of my condition and realized that no pain was there and I decided that I was safe to stand up and continue.
I took my clothes off and turned towards the bathtub and once again grabbed the sliding door handle and slid it open and proceeded to enter into the tube with the streaming hot water. The hot water felt good to my skin which it always did because I loved taking a very hot shower, as do I continue this practice to this day. No other major events occurred during the shower and after all movements were completed I bent over and turned the water and shower control knob off. I then reached for the sliding bar and opened the door and reached around and retrieved my towel. I then closed the shower door again to keep as much warm air in the bath tub until I had dried off; kind of funny since I am a person who loves the cold weather. I finished drying off and then opened the shower door for the last time and stepped out onto the rug that lined the base of the tub. I then stepped on the toilet and dried my lower legs off.
I wrapped my towel around my waist and then picked up my clothes and then headed out of the bathroom and towards the bedroom. I then placed my clothes on the bed and got into my chest drawers and began the process of getting my lounge clothes on for the day. When this task was completed I then took my towel and walked back into the bathroom and promptly hung it up in its rightful place. I turned and opened the drawer and got out my brush and began to brush my wet hair into place. Brushing my teeth came next, which was another part of my daily morning routine after all the natives left the proverbial tepee. Most of these personal tasks would be impossible for me to complete if the girls had still been there and begin the only male human in the tepee I was quickly outnumbered so my voice in the matter was ignored by the majority.
As my bathroom tasks were completed I believed that I would grab some more coffee before I returned to the office and the computer setting procedures. I went into the kitchen and as I was getting my coffee cup from the table the thought of my pains and my new symptom of dizziness crossed my mind. The dizziness kind of concerned me since I knew that could mean that not enough oxygen was getting from my lungs to my body so I did the next natural thing, which was to take a deep breath and test out the theory. Boy did that breath of air feel good and as I released the contents of my lungs outward no pain was present and no dizziness came over my body either. Another opportunity to get things checked out before the actual event had occurred because after that “test” I did not think about my symptoms much more.
I brought my coffee cup into the office and set it down on its usual resting place. I moved the mouse which took off the screen saver and my background automatically appeared. All of my internet icons were present and I then proceeded to click on the one that would gain me access to the net. As the sound of the computer was connecting I waited for a few seconds and then my “homepage” showed up as usual. At this time my fascination with history was ever growing but it was mainly confined to Central America and since my family and I had been to that part of the world its history was the focal point of my reading at that time.
We did not have any fancy printer at this time so every page that I decided to print out took what seemed a lifetime to complete. The material that I was interested in was about the civil war in el Salvador during the 1980s through to the early 1990s. There was a website hat had many of the communiqué messages that both sides transmitted during the war. Of course it was not even close to the accurate amount that was actually given but it was a place for me to start reading and learning more about that terrible situation. I continued to print the records out that I was interested in reading which would have taken but a few minutes with today’s printers but took almost an hour by the old way of printing standards.
As I sat in my chair and read the messages I began to wonder about the people in the village that dad and I travelled to a couple of years before. Some of the living conditions I witnessed reminded me of my Haiti trip but other conditions reminded me of the current living conditions I had at the time. Two worlds collided in that country and both of them were united in a war against each other’s beliefs which over the years had ripped out the hearts of so many of the people. I paused for a moment in my reading to attend to the printer which was still printing off one page at a time very slowly. You had to move the tractor paper out of the way ever so often or it would get caught up and then get tangled and when this occurred whoever was there had no choice but to start over.
After all of the pages had printed out I tore the last one off and then continued to read the messages. I had been on the net for some time so I knew I had to get off and see if anyone had been trying to call. Modern technology had done its job in connecting the world to everyone but it was still slow in arriving outside the city limits of Delta, Colorado. About two minutes after I had disconnected from the net the phone rang and I answered it as soon as I reached the phone. It was Bonnie and when I answered the first thing that she said was that she was surprised that she had gotten through so soon, which meant that this was her first time to try. Monday’s at the church could be very hectic and many times we would not talk until lunch time.
She began the conversation with that famous question of hers and once again I answered her with the truth that I had no pain at all; however, I left out the dizziness episodes. The conversation shortly turned to lunch and I looked at my watch and realized that it was getting close to the lunch hour. Bonnie told me that she might be a few minutes late in getting home but it would not be too much longer. So after a general time setting for lunch was agreed upon we said our goodbyes and hung up. I looked at my watch again and could not believe that the morning had past so quickly and that the hour would soon approach that I would give up my peaceful tranquility and return to my workplace. I enjoyed my alone time during the mornings since the moment I entered into the work building the serene feelings of mine would immediately be met with the hustle and bustle of people needing results. This was not a bad thing I enjoy my job to its fullest and that feeling shall never change.
For all of us who like to be alone or like to have meaningful moments by ourselves, we operate in a different manner that the masses occupy. But even though we might believe that this solo position is a good thing we must continue to be diligent in keeping our eyes and ears open and focused on the true direction. It is easier for us to lose this edge and to hide within ourselves and stay safe within our own worlds. Yes, we have our families and our social groups but what I am talking about is our inner begins and that which we listen to and see. It is this corner of our lives that we must keep in contact with God and what He is trying to show us. It is also easy for us to ignore the “outer” senses that are warning us that something is not right and that we need to pay attention to our surroundings.
This is God’s way of showing us that He is still with us and even though He allows us to have our individual quirks He is still in control and desires to protect us from all harm. We must not be so caught up in our own private inner world that we miss His voice and the signs that He gives us. There is only one “me” and that “me” must remind “me” on a constant basis that it is special and important to not only “me” but to the others that God wants “me” to be around. Even though I might wrap myself in the luxury of being alone, there is still a war going on for my spirit and if I isolate myself physically and spiritually then I am an easy target for the enemy, whether I am doing God’s work or not.
DLB
Part XVI to follow……
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