Heart Condition Part VII

Heart Condition Part VII

5/31/12

As the morning progressed the list of errands began to grow so we decided to go to town and get that portion of the day completed.  The girls were loaded up in the van and buckled into their seats.  I really did not feel like going to town, not because of my health but I just did not want to see anyone.  I get this feeling on occasion but for the most part I like to be around people and to see what is going on in the big metropolis of Delta.  Keep in mind that the city of Delta has grown considerably since I moved here in 1992 and for the most part the town has not been the best place to do any real shopping and a trip to another town would be in order to complete this task.  We made a few stops in town and then contemplated on going to Junction to complete our list but for some reason we decided to return back home for the day.  On the way back to the house I received my first question concerning my health which I could proudly still say that I was not hurting.

When we arrived back home I helped with the bags of things into the house.  I placed them on the table so that everyone could divvy their own goods accordingly and proceed to place them in their appropriate places.  As I found my things I started to the office when a slight twinge of pain reminded me that I was not out of the woods yet.  The pain came and went and I quickly turned to see if anyone noticed my hesitation which I realized that everyone was still engrossed in grabbing their items and no one noticed the event.  I walked into the office and placed my things on the floor and sat down in the chair and began to turn the computer on when I noticed Bonnie standing at the doorway.  She looked at me and then turned and headed for one of the bedrooms; I felt like a person who was under constant surveillance and rightly so looking back at things.

We had to do some things outside to clean up the garden since the growing season was over with the freeze that had occurred a few evenings before.  Living out in the country we would enjoy the cool evenings during the summer but when fall began to arrive, our area was usually one of the first areas to freeze.  I still am amazed when I remember walking around the property how one spot would actually feel warmer than another and where our garden was it seemed to be cooler most of the time.  The end of the make-shift ditch to the irrigation ditch had to be sealed with dirt so that no other water could get to the frozen plants.  Pulling up the plants usually took a couple of days to complete.  Our garden was usually a large one that sprawled over the entire area that we called the front yard which was all dirt; the only yard we had was a very small back yard that was enclosed by a white picket fence.

We began to pull up the plants in the garden which was always a difficult chore to do since it meant that we had given up on saving the plants at night and that our canning process for the year was over.  I did not participate in the canning adventures when I was a kid and with me living in the south most of my growing up days I had plenty of opportunities to watch and learn.  But as I was older and had realized the importance of canning I became very fond of the process and really enjoyed helping out as much as possible, which I still do today.  The plants meant a lot to us as we had great pride in our garden even though we were totally novices at our labors.  The plants provided many fresh vegetables for us throughout the summer months and it was so satisfying to eat food that all of us knew exactly where it came from. 

Pulling the plants by hand was a time consuming project since we had to pull the plant, shake the remaining dirt from the roots that was hanging on and then transporting the plants to the burn pile or to the dumpster.  It was not a very complicated or technical detail but it was something that had to be done so that the front yard would not look tacky during the winter months, plus it would allow for more moisture to seep into the ground when or if we received any rain during the fall.  All during the pulling party I was not in any type of pain and the numerous times that Bonnie stopped me and asked that famous question of hers I could honestly say that I had no pain.  However, she did not ask me how I was feeling so that part of the issue stayed hidden within me.  I felt ok but there was something about my inner physical self that I could not explain but I knew was something was not right, in addition to the fact that I was still tired and my energy level had not returned after eating and walking around town a bit.

The plant pulling session ended and we stopped to take a look at the empty garden.  Both Bonnie and I felt like the garden was a success for that year and in some ways we were almost ready to start another one next week.  We talked a bit about the plans for next year’s garden and how that we wanted to expand the garden some and add a few other vegetables that we had not incorporated yet.  The garden conversation ended and we both turned towards the house and as I took my first step a dull pain shot through my chest and took hold for a few seconds.  The pain was not sharp by any means but it did get my mind’s attention since this pain mimicked the pain on the previous night.  I could feel my blood pressure and tension rising within my body, but as before I kept my mouth shut.

Not much activity was noted for the day.  I sat at the computer for most of the afternoon trying to mind my own business and stay out of trouble.  Bonnie would cruise by my office and look at me as she passed by, I did not look in her direction but from my peripheral vision I could see exactly what she was doing.  So, after one of her passes I got up from the chair and closed the office door so that the next time she passed by she would not be able to see in the office.  I quietly sat back down and waited to see what her reaction would be, which came pretty quickly when she went back through the living room.  She pushed open the door and said “snot” and turned and walked away. I laughed a bit as she turned but she had no answers or other remarks at that time.

As the afternoon progressed I continued my web searching and just relaxing as much as possible.  I had tried my best to ignore the uncomfortable sensation I was beginning to feel in my chest.  I changed positions in the chair and the uncomfortable feeling would subside, but it would eventually find its way back inside my body a few minutes later.  After about thirty minutes or so I was beginning to realize that I was running out of sitting positions since none of the previous positions that I had tried was now relieving the sensation.  So, I did the next best thing and I stood up and continued my surfing the net.  About this time Bonnie strolled back by and saw me standing at the computer and of course she stopped and said you are hurting aren’t you and I honestly replied with “just uncomfortable”.

As my words left my mouth and entered into Bonnie’s ears I could sense her blood pressure rising.  I sheepishly stated that I noticed that she did not look that great and then immediately asked if she needed to go to the emergency room to see what was going on to make her blood pressure rise so quickly, Bonnie still did not find my humor in the situation funny at all.  I hardheadedly sat back down in my chair and continued to surf the net for a few minutes longer and of course as soon as I got situated the uneasy feeling returned inside of my chest and this time it stayed with me, no matter what sitting position I tried.

After a while I could hear Bonnie beginning to make dinner but she had not asked me what sounded good to me so I knew that my luck was running out with her patience and that I had to do something to try and stay on the edge of her good fortunes.  I walked into the kitchen and pulled out a table chair and sat down and asked her to turn around for a moment.  She stopped chopping and looked at me and I immediately began by telling her that if I continued to feel this way after dinner then I would go to the emergency room willingly and would not put up a fuss.  She pointed the knife at me and said do you promise?  And I replied yes I promise.  She then turned back around and continued chopping.  Her actions confirmed my suspicions that she was totally fed up with me and that she was refusing any further nonsense from my mouth.

I slowly got up from the kitchen chair I was sitting in and began to return to the living room where I promptly sat down on the couch and was immediately joined by Bear who came up next to me and curled up close to me.  He placed his snout on my leg and looked up at me with a look that only he could give which continued the assault on my stubbornness.  Bonnie soon joined me in the living room and said that the only reason she was not happy was the fact that she wanted me to see a physician about my pain and that I should do it now and not wait till it is too late.  She also stated that I had four girls to think about and how they would feel if I had the opportunity to get something fixed before a serious condition had the chance to run its course.  I once again stated that if I continued to feel bad that I would go to the emergency room and wait no longer.

It may seem like I am dragging this out a bit but in truth I am not.  This is exactly how I acted towards my condition and as my story continues you will see that the situation only gets worse.

DLB

Part VIII to follow….

The Allowance of Doors Part I

The Allowance of Doors Part I

5/30/12

Humans have always desired to have a permanent fixture that they could call their own.  Our bodies represent a fixture that allows us to function normally, and houses represent the places where we call home and other buildings hide us away for our daily work duties.  All of the structures have one thing in common, doors.  Doors are the source that allows us to enter these complexes and the means to leave in a similar manner through the exact way of entering.  Our personal lives have doors as well which represent the exact same concepts, with these concepts possibly altering our lives and the ones we love and to take things a step further our spirits also have doors which allow access to our inner being which need naught be intimidated by our enemy.

Man has always had the desire to reside, work or congregate in a fixed setting.  Even though humans like to move around and see different settings we have a habit of returning to a certain place to settle in for an undisturbed amount of time.  Over the centuries there have been many views on permanent structures and it is hard to consider fixed or permanent structures as not being a positive concept but these structures do have their drawbacks and can pose as targets to people who do not care for our existence.  One area of a structure that is common with all other structures, fixed or mobile is the door.

Doors have been mentioned in almost every reference of historical places and stem all the way back to Mesopotamia times.  Doors are considered to be the means by which people come in and out of a place of residence.  In ancient times doors might have been a simple wooden swing or even a long sheet that covered an entrance.  The door might have been only a small entrance in which the person had to bend over to enter or the door might have not even been rectangular in shape, it could have been round or square.  No matter what the size or shape of the door it represented the acceptable means of entry into that specific society.  Nomadic tribes lived in tents which usually had some type of opening to the inside of the living quarters.  Even though these were tent dwelling people their systematic living capabilities were of a strong portion of their endurance in subduing the land.

As humans became less nomadic in their adventures small communities began to spring up and be developed.  In many ancient cities walls became the prominent means of defense against invading enemies but while the walls provided security there still had to be an opening created so that the people had a method to enter and leave the city.  Gates had to be made within the walls so that this procession of people could be possible and without these passages the city itself would suffocate itself within a matter of time.  Gates were heavily fortified since it posed as a weakness to the defensive stance within a wall it also had to be large enough so that masses of people, soldiers, animals or goods could move through at any given time under any circumstance. 

Once a person had entered through the main gate or a main gate of that city they had the option to enter many other doors that were present within that city.  Many ancient city walls housed their officials, common people and even businesses with doors leading down long hallways or into individual houses, again easily accessed once inside the main city gates.  All types of business were conducted through these doors and inside these areas, both legal and illegal.  The walls were not the only place where business of the city took place the outer open areas of the city were often crowded with people milling about and just completing everyday human practices.  No matter what activity was being completed anyone who had access to the inner city had to come through a gate, no matter if it was by a natural door or one that was created by an invading enemy.

We have all watched movies where a group’s enemy has attacked a fort, city, or camp.  There is usually some kind of gate that defines the camp in which all things enter and leave.  But when an enemy attacks it will do so no matter where they deem the weak point of the defensive system is located.  If you read history and understand the art of siege, you will understand that an enemy will take a very long time in selecting its targets for penetration.  An enemy will not haphazardly advance upon a target without first making sure what the probability of successful penetration will be into the target.  We also read that many siege situations the attacking enemy will continually launch some type of bombardment to weaken the defenses of the city and if all possible weaken the defenses so that an alternate route into the city is possible.

As time advanced villages, towns and cities have developed more the concept of openness when it comes to these places.  Some of the ancient cities that still remain have the old walls present but they are not used in defensive methods as in the past.  They are seen more as decorations or memorials of times past.  We even see modern doors that are decorated with elaborate designs on them and represent showmanship rather than hospitality.  These doors still represent the means of entrance into specific buildings but have lessened the importance of their meaning.  Glass doors are a popular theme in these modern times, which are easily accessible by breaking the glass and walking on into the building.  I could give many more examples but now is not the time for it is my intent to try and explain that we as humans have these same types of entrance ways into our lives that the enemy wishes to penetrate and destroy.

Let us look at what is behind a door.  Stop and think about this for a moment.  Depending upon which door is accessed the content of the room behind the door could be of no great importance or something of great value to us that we cannot imagine a price tag on the items, or so we think.  That unimportant closet item that we deem unnecessary can be the tool that our enemy uses to gain access to other areas within our building.  No matter what the structure is, to someone that structure holds an importance to their lives and something inside that structure has proven to be of value to them.

I am reminded of the old movie “Home Alone” where the burglars arrive at the house dressed up as policeman and “warning” the people about the potential of them being robbed.  The occupants of the house inform the office that they will be leaving for the holidays and no one will be around for a set amount of time.  While the occupants believed that they were giving the proper information to the authorities the enemy had penetrated into the outer court of the house and had established vital information concerning the house.  The information passed along was a good idea but the enemy had disguised himself well enough that to the average and relaxed eye nothing seemed out of the norm.  This is an example of how our enemy penetrates our lives and gains so called unimportant information from us.

Doors provide stability and strength to the structure.  I have seen many houses and buildings that have been destroyed by storms or earthquakes and one thing that most of these buildings have in common is that the doorway of that structure is still standing after the storm is over.  Looking at some old church buildings from other countries in which the entire church has suffered damage, the old archway of the door still remains standing and accessible in and out.  I find this phenomenon very fascinating since a doorway or entry way is the focal point of an attack but is usually left standing after the damage has been done.

Since the physical structures have doors then we can safely contend that we as humans have some type of door that leads into our lives.  Everyone who has been associated with western civilization has at one time in their lives seen a picture of Jesus standing at a door and knocking.  We all who have seen this portrait understand its message either by attending church, seeing the picture and asking about its meaning or by just figuring it out on our own.  

Doors have very special meanings in our lives since they are the key in which we allow ourselves be accessed, just as the physical structures.  The same set of circumstances occur when our doors are attacked spiritually but in many of our cases we tend to miss these attacks until access has already been gained or in other cases we have voluntarily opened these doors to our enemies and ten stand in shock when they actually come in and destroy our inner most beings.  It is easy for us to figure out that if houses, buildings and malls have doors that lead to inner shops then our inner beings have the same type of structure.

I am not going to leave myself out of this category since it deals with a very sensitive subject.  I have allowed these doors to be penetrated during my life, all of us have.  Ever since I have learned about this concept I have been on a constant “search and destroy mission” trying to close all of the doors that are open to my enemy.  It is a very large process since once that door is opened it takes a great deal of searching in order to close the effects that the open door has allowed inside.  See, there are many doors that are within our life and many of them the majority of people do not know about, and to be honest we ourselves do not understand.  Doors come with us due to the spiritual nature that we are born with which is a very important reason to know and understand your heritage no matter what the circumstances are in your life.  Many traits that lie within us are targets for our enemy to use against us and if we open that door then you can bet your bottom dollar that he will take advantage of the intelligence.

For all of us old folks we can remember a game show called “Let’s Make A Deal”.  It was a show where people would dress up in funny costumes and sit in the audience and wait for the host to come by and notice them.    When this happened the host would ask a few general questions about the person and then ask if they wanted to play the game.  Deals were the name of the game and it was everyone’s expectations to find out what was behind one of the three doors, which whatever was behind the door that they picked was exactly what their prize was going to be.  Goats, pigs, cheese, cars, cash, and boats were the common prizes but also mud, trash and other disgusting items were there as well but it was theirs because they chose that door.

I find it funny and sad at the same time of people who cry foul when things occur to them and when you ask a few simple questions it becomes clear that they have allowed this situation to present itself by their own accord.  They ask for help in understanding the situation and then, when a certain person begins to try and show them the ways that it happened they react in a non friendly manner towards that person and tells them to go away with their advice.  We see this activity every day in our lives and it is even being promoted in the media and on the daily television shows that we watch with bated breath.  Stop and think about this for a moment, or even longer and look at the results that this sort of activity will have upon our children; or if I can put it another way, a door for our children.

DLB

Part II to follow….

Heart Condition Part VI

Heart Condition Part VI

5/26/12

Bonnie was still unamused at my lightheartedness concerning the situation but it was the only way I knew to make light of the future possibilities which I knew about but really was interested in thinking about them on a constant basis.  She stopped and turned around and returned back into the kitchen and my anxiety level dropped about 50%.  I understood the implications of the moment and I wanted her to know that I was not totally insane and to comfort her in the fact that I too was concerned about my condition; but in the back of my head I continued to ignore the threat of any doctor visit and in my opinion I was fine.

I quietly walked towards the kitchen and kind of peeked my head around the corner in a non confronting manner for I knew that Bonnie would be close by since the sound and smell of eggs frying on the stove filled the air.  I took a quick glimpse at the eggs and then focused my eyes on Bonnie who was standing about two feet from me with a metal spatula in her hand and a look on her face that she was prepared to use the spatula on me instead of the eggs.  I promptly smiled and said something to the effect of “ I can see you are busy so I will come back later” and then slowly backed away and went into the office, all the while Bonnie was stating “good idea” to my back.

The office is not that far from the kitchen in fact you can see what is going on in the kitchen from where the office chair usually was placed.  In a moderate and calm voice I said to Bonnie that I was concerned about my health as well in which I received no immediate response.  However, a few seconds later she appeared at the office door, with the spatula still in her hand, and asked me “what did you say?”  I knew good and well that she heard me but I was in no position to argue so I repeated myself.  After I made the statement the turned around and walked back into the kitchen.  I sat in my chair and debated if I should go into the kitchen and continue the subject matter, I thought against it and let the moment pass along.

Bonnie approached the office doorway a few moments later and announced that “breakfast was ready hardhead”. I had no idea of to whom she was referring but I reluctantly got up from my chair and went to the office doorway and looked both ways before I walked out into the path of other Bishop family members.  I had to keep in mind that even though the girls really did not understand what was going on they still knew that mom was not happy with dad and that it was dad’s fault that mom was upset so I had to watch my back from all parties within the house.

We all sat down at the table and I immediately tried to lighten the mood by asking if we were going to do anything that day, hoping that the girls would suggest to go up in the mountains or go somewhere out of the house.  Not much was said verbally but all of the eyes on me told me that not many people were interested in what I had to say so I took the hands on either side of me and bowed my head and listened to one of the girls pray over breakfast.  Not much was said for a while since everyone eventually had food in their mouths.  Breakfast went by pretty quickly and the girls cleaned up after themselves and asked if they could go out and play.  I wanted so much to tell them “no” since that would mean that I would be left alone with Bonnie which would mean more questions that I did not want to answer.  But I said no problem and off they went to get dressed so that they could go outside.

Not much else was discussed between Bonnie and I since we had mutually agreed that we would not do much that day and just stay in town and get some errands completed.  Before I got up from the table bonnie asked me how I was feeling ever since I had been up and eaten and I really had no pain in my body but I was just tired and felt like I had no energy.  I had the quick thought of more coffee could help so I continued my motion of getting up from the table and I walked over to the coffee pot.  That was when I received the sarcastic question of “you think more coffee is going to help?”  In which I promptly and sarcastically replied “yep”.

As I started out of the kitchen the girls ran by me with Bear trailing them all headed outside.  Bear was not moving as quickly as the girls were but his intentions were very clear so they had to hold the door for him as he waddled out.  The door closed normally for the girls’ actions and I continued my course towards the office.  As I sat back down in my chair my mind began to wonder about the possibility of me having a heart attack.  This is when my mind took over and a very dangerous thought came into my head that I grabbed a hold of and held onto it as long as I possibly could.

I sat in my chair and I thought that if I had a heart attack that there would be no way that I could have a major one since it would be my first one.  This was the idea that was the dangerous one and at the time I thought of it I actually accepted the fact that this would probably be the way things would occur if it were to happen.  Now, this was totally absurd thinking on my part and I knew it but brushed it aside and it not logical for anyone to think about a major issue in their life.  I knew this from being in the medical field, reading many articles on the subject and seeing many people dying from this scene in the past.  But placing myself in a younger age category would save me from a disastrous scenario and if I had a heart attack that I would recover from it with no problems.  At this time I had no idea of my medical history in which if I had known it, being the person that I am would have not done anything differently.

The ironic portion of this time setting was that I had been involved in witnessing a few horrendous trauma situations at the hospital and some of these traumas involved young people and some not even out of high school.  So even though I sat there and believed that nothing serious would come about from a personal and possible heart attack, I was actually placing myself into the same category of thought that these dead kids had in their heads the minute that they walked out of their houses for the last time.  My pride stance was bigger and more influential than ever and I was not about to let that part of me, the truth, be portrayed.

At this point I am going to interject a concept here before I move on to the next event of the day.  Most of the young people in the world have a notion of believing that nothing serious will ever happen to them.  This is a feeling that all people have in one point in their lives but it is dominant in the younger mindset. It does not have to be a isolated to the western culture either, I have read about this demeanor in young people throughout the world and it will not change, it is actually a part of human nature to believe this concept and up to a point it is a good character to have since it allows for the human to accomplish many things; however, when this belief becomes the center piece of a human it becomes dangerous since it takes off the blinders or governors and entices the person to think that they can do anything without any physical consequence occurring.  We also must keep in mind that these consequences may not directly affect ourselves but our actions may have grave consequences on another person’s life, up to and including death.

It is very important that each one of us knows that we are not guaranteed tomorrow on this earth and for all we know we may only have a few minutes remaining.  We all must remember that our lives are not infallible and that we make decisions on a continual basis that will affect our lives for the rest of our lives.  That is why it is so important that we understand that God loves us and wants us to know Him in every way possible and that if anything should happen to us that we would be prepared to meet Him.  Restore your faith, belief and trust in God and He will show you the way back to your roots.  He will lighten your load and free your heart to resume the spiritual communication lines with Him.

I kept this philosophy quiet within the confines of my head because if I would have told anyone about it they would have came unglued.  It was a preposterous idea and should have been immediately discarded from my thinking based on my medical knowledge alone.  But I continued with it and then continued my daily computer searching all the while inside my body a huge clump of junk was gathering in one of my main arteries and just about ready to get to a large enough size that the entire artery would be plugged.  The human body cannot feel a potentially damaging substance that is going to adversely affect their body until the object has already been placed where the damage will be done, it is a function of the body that is most fascinating but of no help right before the event occurs.

DLB

Part VII to follow….

Heart Condition Part V

Heart Condition Part V

5/23/12

I must have been really exhausted that night because even though I could still sense the frustration in Bonnie’s spirit I actually did have a restful night’s sleep.  I was awakened by the usual sound of Bear whining at the end of the bed wanting to make a trip outside.  I knew that it was not late in the morning because if that was the case Bear would have already been up on the bed letting us know the urgency of the moment.  I got up from the bed and Bear immediately turned and headed for the back door.  I walked to the back door and opened it and Bear trotted out into the back yard and began his routine.  I shut the screen and wooden doors and started back towards the kitchen.  It was at this moment that I realized I felt tired like I had been up all night, a memory from all of the nights on call some years before.

I began to search my thoughts about crazy dreams or getting up during the night but I remembered nothing of the sort.  I stopped in the kitchen and got me a glass of water and drank most of it before Bear began the second half of his routine which was to whine and scratch on the screen door wanting back inside.  I put the glass down into the sink and went back to the door and let him inside and he trotted by me and then made a pit stop at his water dish, replenishing the same amount of water he had just drained from his bladder a few minutes before.  He hacks a bit as he finished drinking and then waddled back into the girl’s bedroom to make sure that they were ok.  Instead of him going back under our bed he then came back into the living room where I had just sat down still trying to figure out why I was so tired.

Of course I was doing my best to ignore the important developments of the previous night but I could not think of anything else that could warrant my present physical condition.  Bear came up to the couch and jumped up on the opposite side of the couch and slowly walked towards me.  I looked down at him and he had the same weird look on his face as the previous night.  I guess whatever animals can sense about humans was still at work in his mind and he was doing his best to let me know something was not right.  By that time Bonnie had gotten up and was walking down the hall and looked into the living room and saw me sitting there with Bear and of course the first thing she said was “are you hurting?” and I told her that I was not hurting but I was tired.  As she turned to go into the bathroom she said that I looked terrible.

I got up off of the couch and headed into the office which was just a few steps away from the couch.  Bear jumped down and followed me half way to the office where he stopped and sat at the door and just stared at me while I fired up the computer.  I looked at him and quickly told him to stop staring at me and to go back to bed if he was going to join sides with Bonnie.  He continued to sit there for a few more minutes and then got up and went over to his bowl of food and got a few nibbles and carried them to the rug and ate them very noisily.  He then strolled towards the bedroom giving a small grunt and sneeze as he made the journey.  Bonnie came into the office and asked what was going on and wondered if I had slept well.  I said I was fine but tired for some reason and then she informed me that I snored a lot that night and it was loud enough that it woke her up a couple of times.  She said that she had told me to roll over, which I did and stopped snoring for a bit but soon afterwards I was at it again.  I looked at her and said that I did not remember her telling me this but it could be the explanation that I needed for being tired.

Bonnie ten asked what we were going to do that day and since it was the beginning of October and the garden season had just ended we were “free to do much not of anything”, as we would say sometimes.  So, she headed to take a shower and told me to behave myself while I was not in her sight.  I grinned and turned my head back to the computer to continue my surfing the net and to find out what the world was trying to do to itself.  I got up to go to the kitchen and to start a pot of coffee and while I was turning away from the computer I felt a small pain run through the center of my chest which I attributed to the quick turning movement from the chair which once again placed the idea of a pulled muscle in the forefront of my thoughts.  The pain did not stop my movement nor did it deter me from my quest for a cup of coffee and by the time I had reached the kitchen the pain had ceased and I continued my planned activity.

Bonnie came in after her shower and just looked at me, didn’t say a word.  Until, I said “what”? And that was when she said that she could tell I was in pain again.  Which I was not accurate but I had to keep my promise and tell her that I had a small pain just as I was getting up from the chair to start the coffee.  She shook her head and turned and walked away back into the living room.  I knew she was upset but I continued to try and reassure her that I was ok.  She looked at me and said that we were not going to do anything that day because she did not want me out in public and then drop over dead in front of everyone.  She made her point with that phrase so I politely left the room and went in the bathroom to take my shower.

When I take my showers I very rarely use any cold water, I have always liked a very hot shower even in the south during the summer I would have steam rolling from under the bathroom door.  The water felt good to my body and especially on my chest and back.  I stood in those two positions for as long as possible after the soap and shampoo show had been completed, it felt wonderful.  I did not get out of the shower until the hot water was turning cold in which I turned off the water and began my location of my towel. 

Our shower door did not have a towel rack on it so we had to keep our towels on the back of the toilet so we would not have to get out of the shower wet and then get chilled.  AS I bent over to get my towel a sharp pain ran across my chest but this time it was on the left side of my chest and not in the center.  It was not deep but it was different than the other pains in the center of my chest in the fact it tapered away instead of just stopping all at once, this puzzled me and worried me at the same time.  I also noticed that I was a little bit out of breath after I began to towel off that was a first as well.  As I continued my drying process I could hear someone in the kitchen banging things around in which the word “food” popped into my head which made me hurry the drying process.

I opened the door of the bathroom and met a milder room of air and another pain on the left side of my chest hit me, but this time it was a bit stronger and lasted for about twenty seconds or so before it began to taper off as the last one did.  Bonnie looked around the corner from the kitchen and asked what I wanted for breakfast and at that moment I realized that I was really not very hungry, which if anyone knows me that thought hardly occurs in my body.  I said it does not matter but don’t fix me too much and that was when I received the are you feeling ok question again and to keep my promise I told her what had happened in the shower and just a few seconds before.  I was kind of frightened since when I stated that, she started towards me with a pan in her hand, so I had to think about all possibilities of her actions at that moment.

DLB

Part VI to follow….

Heart Condition Part IV

Heart Condition IV

5/21/12

With my comments to Bonnie concerning the issues that needed to be discussed, I wanted to go jump back in the van and lock it before she could open the door and immediately go for my jugular but I was not that lucky and that fast either and in my opinion some of us could not take a joke.  I closed the van door and locked the remaining doors on the van with the electronic key thingy and proceeded, with caution, towards the back door of the house.  I knew I had to go by Bonnie at close range to unlock the back door and as I did I wanted to know how come some person had not invented an electronic key opening thingy for back doors.

Not much was said until all the girls were in their beds which only took a few minutes.  The inevitable discussion took place on the couch and lasted for some time.  Bonnie was wanting to know why I was avoiding the idea that something seriously be wrong and I was acting like it was no big deal.  She brought up the fact that in my career I had witness many people having heart attacks in front of my eyes and that not every one of them follow a set pattern; she used my own words against me.  I tried my best to explain to her that he pains that I had were not the classic symptoms of a person trying to have or in the process of having a heart attack and that I would be having other pains around my body that would give more merit to the claim.  Plus, I would look very ridiculous if I checked myself into the emergency room and then find out it was a gas bubble due to the fact of what I had eaten for the last few days.

Bonnie’s side of the conversation did not waiver at all and she was insistent that I get a doctor’s appointment as soon as possible because she was concerned for my health, then she told me that I looked terrible and that she knew something was going on that was not right.  She also said that she did not care what I thought about the situation and that if I did not agree to go to the doctor that she would call up there and tell the nurses in the office what was going on with me.  At this point there was not much I could say so I turned to look at Bear for a bit.  Even Bear was looking at me in a funny manner, an almost scared look to be exact, which I have known that animals can have a sense about humans and other natural occurrences before people realize what is happening.  Bear, my trusted compatriot and faithful friend sold me out with his unusual looks towards my direction, which Bonnie ever so cleverly pointed out as well.

After a few minutes of sitting there and realizing that she was not going to let go of this event, I once again agreed that if I had any major pain in my chest that I would immediately go to the emergency room and that if it was during regular business hours I would call the doctor’s office and make an appointment.  At this time Bonnie added a few things and changed her mind about the agreement, which the additions were no big deal and were givens but the thing she changed was that if I was hurting during the business day that I would call the doctor’s office and speak with a nurse and tell them everything that was going on inside my body.  She was getting wise to my scheme so once again I shut my mouth and said ok I promise.

The second part of the lecture began with my responsibility to my family and to my girls that needed me around.  This statement struck a chord within my mind and I mulled an answer over before I spoke, which at that point no matter what answer I gave would be a correct one since she had involved the kid’s issue.  She continued on with hardheadedness issues and how I was not thinking about anyone else but myself, and more specifically my pride.  When I did not respond to this statement after a few moments she asked what I was thinking and I said the wrong thing which was “I don’t know”.  She stood up and said that I had made my promises to her and that she would hold me to them, which I verbally agreed to once again.

At this point I continued to sit on the couch and try to think about my pain again and what type of pain it was.  Up until now, it was only like a surface pain or a pain that was close to the surface of my chest, nothing deep like I had read about and heard from many patients.  No belt feeling around the chest tightening as time went along, and no pain in my jaw or left arm.  I did throw out the idea that I could one of those that present with no symptoms or irregular symptoms but my pride swelled again and said that I was not capable of being in that category.  Bear continued to sit with me on the couch and occasionally look over at me with a concerned look about his face, give a sigh and then place his head back down on the couch again.

Bonnie had brought some important issues concerning my beliefs about my health.  Up to that point I had no clue about my family history when it came to my biological familial health affairs, and at this point in my life I had no reason to believe anything major was to be done.  I knew that my cholesterol was high and that my weight gain was not helping matters any but I was feeling fine and there was no need to alert the troops in my mind.  I also thought about the conversation that I just had with one of the family physicians about my cholesterol level and she actually gave me some samples to try to see what effect they would have on my levels, and during our conversation she reminded me of the recent death of one of our colleagues and how he refused to deal with the same conditions.

With all of the information I had at my disposal and he unknown family history and the knowledge of my own blood chemistry levels I should be a bit more cautious about my health.  So I really did want to do the right thing and I made up my mind that if anything else should happen in the pain category I would go and see a doctor, in other words I would play another round of roulette with my life.  After thinking about things in my head for a while I decided to join Bonnie in the bed.  I was tired but at the moment, and for some time I was pain free and ready to get some sleep.  My mind did its usual thing and performing its end of the day thought process of everything that it had witnessed that day.  It had many things to process and it continued to try and think of alternative health processes that I could be experiencing, but in the back of my mind everything continued to point in one direction but I made up my mind to loiter on this cardiovascular possibility.

DLB

Part V coming….

Heart Condition Part III

Heart Condition III

5/20/12

The centrifuge began to alarm indicating that the lid was ready to be opened and the specimen taken out and processed on the individual instrument.  I sat there for a few moments and wondered it I even wanted to know what the results would be but that option was taken away from me when the lab tech came back in the lab and silenced the alarm and opened the lid before I could realize what was going on.  She took out my specimen and handed it to me and immediately replaced the empty spaces with the ER specimens that she had drawn, closed the lid and pushed the run button to begin her own process.  A look of “well” was on Bonnie’s face which indicated to me to get up and get the specimen in the appropriate spot.  I walked over to the instrument and manually programmed the specimen tube into position and ordered the troponin test.   I placed the sample into the rack and placed the rack on the carousel and pressed the start button and in exactly twelve minutes I would know a definitive answer.

The troponin test was designed to indicate muscle damage specific to the heart muscle.  There are a few other lab tests that can detect heart muscle damage but these can be affected by other musculoskeletal conditions which can prove to be a false positive result.  The troponin test is specific to the heart muscle and only elevates when damage to the heart muscle occurs, while there are other medical conditions which place the heart muscle in distress and will cause the heart muscle to release enzymes that reflect damage, the troponin is mainly used to indicate heart attacks in progress or recent cardiac events.  It is a great test to see what is going on with the heart. 

Once the specimen had been placed on the rack and sampled Bonnie asked me again if I was feeling ok and I could still honestly say yes and that I had no pain in my body at that time, and I looked at the clock and realized it had been over an hour since my last pain occurrence.  In my eyes this was a good sign and that I had been over exaggerating things.  The lab tech came over and looked at the specimen incubation well and then went on with her business by placing another specimen onto the instrument.  The time was ticking down till the answer of my sample would e printing off.  I walked over to the front of the laboratory to get a better look at the clock on the wall and to pray that my result would be normal.  Small talk abounded with everyone in the lab at the time and a lighthearted tone was being kept until my results would print out.  A simple calculation of the time on the clock said it about ready for the moment of truth to be revealed so I took the scenic route to the instrument and anxiously awaited for the printout.

I could physically look at the seconds tick down on the monitor until the final measurement would take place.  A few seconds of calculations would then ensue and a numerical answer would then be displayed on the monitor screen before the information was transferred to the printer.  The moment had arrived and the final measurement was being completed and then a few seconds later a number popped on the screen.  Bonnie was standing right next to me as was the lab tech, she did not want this moment to pass without someone official looking at the result so there could be no mistake in the answer, I have no idea why they would not have trusted me with the result.

As I looked at the number I sigh of relief overcame my body and a chill ran up and down my spine.  I gave a hard “HA” to everyone around and then waited for the printout to be completed.  It was a high normal result.  Yes, a high normal result which means that it was within normal limits but it was on the high end of that range and could have meant I was having problems, or going to have problems or I had already had problems but we were not going to dwell on the details of that issue then, I was just happy that the result was within the normal limits.  But everyone around the instrument knew that I was not in the clear but really could not be sure since I had never had a previous troponin level tested before, so this result could actually be a normal result for me, but deep down inside I knew something was not right.

I took my printout and told the tech thanks for letting me run the tests and that I would se her on Monday afternoon.  All of my entourage began to say goodbye and head for the back door of the lab.  Bonnie did not say too much to me but I could hear her voice ringing through my head that this is not over and that she was determined to find out what really was going on inside my chest.  We walked down the hallway and Bonnie asked me again how I was feeling.  I told her that I was relieved that the test was normal and that I felt like a weight had been lifted from my mind but I knew that I did not feel the best.  The girls were ready to get home so we did not dwell in the hospital very much longer; however, one of the girls had to go to the bathroom so we stopped at the bathrooms next to the emergency room waiting area.  A few more minutes of standing around the bathrooms did not provide any new exciting pains in my body so I thought maybe things were going to settle down for a while.  After all was said and done we had spent about forty five minutes in the hospital and even I was ready to get home and get to bed.

We all moved towards the emergency room glass door which would lead us to the automatic glass doors to the outside of the hospital.  I opened the door and let the girls and Bonnie lead the way and after they went through I proceeded to go out of the hospital.  The cool night air met my lungs and a slight tug hit my chest but it was nothing to write home about and quickly went away.  I knew that other physical conditions could cause a high normal troponin level and I was beginning to run through those conditions in my mind while I was walking towards the van.  Bonnie could see that I was thinking about something and asked me what was going on in my head, I told her about the list of things in my head which really did not comfort her in the least and to be honest me either since all of the conditions on the list usually followed some type of heart malfunction conditions.

One thing about working in the medical profession for an extended amount of time is that you get to learn a lot about the human body and which tests are more definitive than others.  A troponin is only elevated when there are definitely reasons for its elevation.  I knew this and since I wanted Bonnie to be involved in my profession I explained many tests to her and what they meant if they were elevated or lowered in the human body.  So, there was no escaping my predicament and it was only a matter of time before she demanded that I go in and see the doctor.  The medical profession rewards had served me greatly up until this point and I could not abandon the words that I had spoken to many others in the past concerning similar conditions, including my mother which I convinced to come in the hospital when she was having chest pains but that is another story for future divulgence.

As I approached the back of the van the girls had already raced to see who got to the van first so I used the electronic unlocking key thingy and unlocked the van, went around to the passenger side to help the girls into their seats and close both passenger side doors.  I walked around to the driver’s side I reached the driver’s side and stood at the door for a moment and gave a big sigh.  I could feel my stress level lower a bit more but underneath it all I knew I was not out of the woods, and my body continued to remind me of this since its completely relaxed state was nowhere to be found.  I opened the door and climbed into the seat, I was really surprised that Bonnie let me drive but I did not question the issue and began to start the engine.  I turned the key and put my seat belt in its proper place.  I put the van in reverse and started the procession of driving home.

The short drive home was uneventful with only small talk from the adults and the normal joyful jabbering from the girls in the back seats.  Not many people were out on the streets which was not an unusual scene for this time of night.  Earlier when we had arrived back in Delta the streets were a bit more active with cars and pedestrians.  In fact the only major building that had occupants was the local theatre which was showing the late movie still.  We turned onto the street in which we lived and eventually pulled into the driveway.  I put the gear into park and turned off the engine.  The girls were already unfastened and ready for the sliding door to be opened.  As I opened my door the words I dreaded the most came from Bonnie’s mouth which went something like this, as soon as the girls are in bed we need to have a talk about what we are going to do next and my reply to her really did not set well with her even though I meant it as a joke.  My response was something like this, about what?  The fight was on.

DLB

Part IV to follow….

Heart Condition Part II

Heart Condition Part II

5/20/12

After all of the doors were closed and the girls were safely locked into their car seats, I slowly started the van and turned around to look behind for any vehicles that would impede our leaving and according to Bonnie a grimace crossed my face as I quickly turned back around to the forward position.  I felt the same pain once again and I no longer could deny that something was really going on in my chest but I did not yet agree to do anything about it.  I slowly turned around again, to prove a point, and saw no vehicles and began to pull out of the parking space.  I put the van in drive and proceeded to leave the parking lot.  Not much activity inside my body occurred for the first part of the trip home with the exception that I would sweat a bit and then it would go away so my mind once again ran through all of the medical options of sweating and chest pain which I totally ignored the heart issues and continued to pursue the cold or flu issues.

Bonnie continually looked at me until we had left the lights of Junction then she could not really get a glimpse of my face so she resumed her lines of questioning.  I was not short of breath nor any of my arms hurting so and really no pressure in my chest to speak of, just the recurrent and intermittent pain.  After a few moments of answering or trying to dodge from answering her questions I reluctantly agreed to go to the lab and perform a Troponin test on myself; just as another dull pain shot through my chest.  As we neared Delta we approached the turnoff to go to our house and Bonnie turned her head towards me and gave me that “don’t you dare do it” look which I pretended to not notice but I could not ignore the heat seeking darts that were coming from her eyes towards my direction so I ignored the turnoff and continued driving into town.

With Bonnie being satisfied, or getting her way as I looked at it, her questions decreased and focused on getting home as soon as possible.  I knew that her mind was thinking of many things about what was happening because even though I did not say anything to her I was really beginning to believe that something major was happening.  The arrival into Delta brought her attention back to my face and what my conditions were showing her.  This was one time that I wish Delta still had the dark and dimmed lit lights so that my facial conditions could not be seen, but never the less she saw what she wanted.  I turned onto the street that would lead us to the hospital and she broke the silence with the question of “how are you feeling?”  At this point I could honestly tell her, and I did, that I was not hurting and that I was feeling ok.

As I turned onto the hospital street I had a thought cross my mind, maybe the hospital is busy and my presence would just be a hindrance and I would not have to go into the lab for the test.  Bonnie must have been reading my mind because even before I could finish my thought she interrupted my thinking by saying something of the sort of don’t think that if it is busy we are leaving.  So much for that concept, but I verbally told her that I was going to follow through with the deed no matter what.  As we pulled into the hospital parking lot I noticed that there not many cars present but an ambulance had recently pulled up into the lot as I noticed that their back doors were still open.  I quickly dismissed an accident or any other trauma situation fully knowing that there would be no getting out of this situation.

I parked the van at the end of the parking lot and turned off the engine.  I was dreading this moment since every other time I had gotten out of the van that evening I had pains shoot through my chest.  I slowly took the keys out of the ignition and the girls immediately jumped up and opened the door.  They were excited about having the opportunity of seeing the lab tech that was working that evening far much more of my “excitement” about having my blood drawn.  At this point the girls knew I was not feeling well but had no clue of the possible gravity of the situation.  I opened the door and took a deep breath at the same time and was pleasantly surprised when my feet touched the ground that no pains were present inside my chest or any other areas of my body.  I turned and shut the door and began to walk towards the back of the van when I heard the other two doors close.  It was judgment time I thought quietly.

The walk into the hospital emergency entrance, which was the only entrance open at that time of night, was a long one kind of like walking down a long empty tunnel in which a person knew what was behind door number one at the end of the tunnel.  Bonnie asked again if I was ok and I could honestly tell her that I was not hurting which really was surprising to me.  I could feel my blood flowing and my heart racing in anticipation of an exact result of a pretty definitive blood test.  The emergency room doors opened and we by-passed the other sliding glass doors and I reached to pull the glass door that allowed access to the emergency room waiting area.  No pains were present when I accomplished this task and I held it open while everyone else filed into the area.  I walked in behind them and my confidence continued to grow since I had completed a few tasks that did not provide pain, maybe I was out of the woods.

As we were walking down to the back hallway to go into the back entrance of the lab we ran into a few of my colleagues and we greeted each other cordially and then the inevitable question of why would I be here on my night off came up and Bonnie glared at me to see what type of response I would have to them.  Luckily the one of the girls piped up and said I was not feeling well and that I was going to do a test so I hoped on board and said that I did not know what was going on and that I was going to check a couple of things.  Not much else was said about me since all of the attention was now on the two blond headed munchkins which was a blessing of determent in my mind.  We all said goodbye and they went down the hall and we began to enter the lab.  The girls were first to enter the lab and immediately located the tech working and to wonder what she was doing for excitement at that moment.  The girls had always been fascinated with the lab and the instruments that perform all of the testing.

The lab tech on duty asked me what I was doing there and since there was no way of getting around this question I had to explain the truth to her.  She agreed about the test and immediately took the side of Bonnie and began to squawk at me for not coming in sooner.  I knew that she would take sides in the matter so I stood there and took my punishment from another person, which looking back was totally deserved since I should have known to come in earlier to find out what was occurring.

I walked up to the drawing area of the lab and began to locate all of the materials needed for drawing my blood.  I eventually gathered all of the supplies needed and then protested internally once again as I sat down in the drawing chair.  Bonnie had migrated up to the area probably to make sure I was actually drawing myself and to witness the needle poke personally, she does know how my mind operates which can be a good thing or bad thing depending upon what I was trying to avoid.  She stood there and asked if she could help in any way and I said no that I have done this many times to myself and that it would only take a few seconds.

I tore open an alcohol pad and took the square out and began to scrub the area in which I was going to stick the needle.  While allowing the area to dry I attached the butterfly assembly to the small syringe and placed it next to my arm.  I then took the cotton ball and patted the area clean and then placed the cotton ball next to my arm as well.  Bonnie all the while stood there and did not say too much until I was ready to stick the needle into my arm when she asked if she could help.  I refused and slipped the sheath off of the needle and slowly and methodically placed the needle into the prepared area.  A small amount of blood appeared at the edge of the needle and tubing which was a sign that I had a blood return and ready to drain my blood into the syringe.

As I began to pull back on the syringe Bonnie made a statement that she was glad that I was getting this done so that we can get an idea of what was occurring with my pain.  Her thoughts and concerns were noble and just in which I had no defense against her actions.  I continued to pull back on the syringe plunger until the syringe was filled with the appropriate amount of blood.  I pulled the needle out of my arm and laid the syringe and tubing next to my arm just as a spot of blood began to appear on the top of my skin, no big deal since this occurs when a person actually draws themselves correctly.  I placed a cotton ball on my arm and folded my arm upwards and then began to reach for the syringe assembly to place the blood into the appropriate specimen tube for testing.

As I placed the needle into the specimen tube Bonnie thanked me for doing this and I looked at her and sarcastically replied “sure, no problem”.  The blood was flowing into the specimen tube as I removed the cotton ball from my arm and placed a band aid on the injection site.  I then took an alcohol pad and wiped clean the excess of blood that came out after the needle was out of my arm.  The next question that Bonnie asked is if it hurt more when I drew my own blood and I promptly said that it does not hurt much either way, but since we had to do this procedure on ourselves in school it was common place for me to do it without any troubles.

Before I got up from the chair I quickly labeled my tube with my name and then proceeded to get up and go over to the centrifuge and placed it into one of the slots for spinning.  I found an adequate balance tube and placed it into its slot and closed the lid and pressed the start button.  In ten minutes the spinning would be completed and I then could put my specimen on the instrument to run.  All during this time I had no evidence of pain in my chest and I was still feeling well.  The lab tech had completed her work and came over, along with her two followers, to me to find out more details of the evening.  All of us sat around and talked about things and passed the time until the phone rang.  She answered it was then was off to the ER for some other tests.  I could not help but wonder what my results were going to be as I stared at the centrifuge in silence.  The centrifuge timer now read zero and the RPMs began to slow on a controlled basis, the time had come and my tension began to rise inside me.

DLB

Part III coming next….

Heart Condition Part I

Heart Condition Part I

5/18/12

Knowing one’s past family history helps people to figure out certain patterns when something goes wrong.  The same holds true for the inner man and the condition of the heart; not the physical heart but the spiritual heart which defines our existence as a human being.  The physical heart does provide a similar function as the spiritual heart and modern medicine can take care of most physical conditions but the spiritual heart needs to be restored on a spiritual level which requires an unseen battle that is just as violent as the physical and a physician who knows every detail of that spiritual heart well enough to restore it back to the connection it needs.

I bring into play a story in the Bible of when Daniel was praying and it took a while for an answer to arrive.  The angel said to Daniel that he immediately left with his answer but had to face the enemy in some strong opposition settings which even required the help of another archangel.  This is strictly a spiritual battle between two kingdoms and even though this is a widely recognized story in the Bible, it pertains to our lives on the same level that it played out in Daniel’s life.  Our enemy believes that we have the same potential as any person spoken about in the Bible and it is imperative that we understand this principle and apply it to our spiritual lives.

The concept of heart issues really never entered into my thinking until I had already enveloped my life in the studies of the human body.  I had heard many people say that some of their relatives died from a heart attack and had some of my friends’ parents and grandparents die of this condition, but it really never struck a chord within my life.  Even though I really did not know my physical medical history I continued to place these thoughts in to the back of my thinking.  Plus, being a kid and a teenager I was invincible and nothing could touch me for I had my whole life ahead of me.  All of us have heard that statement before and while most of us fulfill that statement there are those that do not have that opportunity.

Now that I have addressed both the spiritual and the physical sides of the block it is time to reveal my story of how God changed my heart on both sides of that block.  The road took many twists and turns but I am here today ready to state to you that God is still twisting and turning that road with one minor detail added, I am actually allowing Him to do this and there is no fight within me, which is proving to be an easier road to bear.  The message begins with a short introduction from my teenage years and then will progress to the present day.  Some of this message will be funny so laugh when you come across these things, but this entire message plays into the restoration of the spiritual heart and the process of realization, repentance, which begin the restoration of said spiritual and physical heart.

Now we had known for a long time that my cholesterol and triglycerides were high but back in the early 80s there was not much that we could do to lower them except for diet and exercise.  I dieted, kind of and exercised as much as I could which really did nothing to lower my levels, so at that time my other options were to continue the plan and see what happens, which was nothing I felt fine and my levels remained high.  No heart catheter procedures were invented yet and no cholesterol lowering drugs had been thought about yet so my options were limited.  Genetics are a wonderful thing and they are a great source of death explanations once the person’s history has been told; up until about twenty years ago there were really no options to combat the pre-existing genetic status.  Not much was done for my condition while I was growing up since not much was known about things at that time in medical history.  Most people who had heart issues were placed on home rest for the remaining portions of their lives and open heart surgeries were just beginning to become commonly performed but other than that not much else was available.  It was not anyone’s fault and I do not blame anyone or anything for any ignored situation, procedure, etc because there was no established procedure then, so everything was cool in my book and I continued my life as normal.

Future and military physicals always showed a high cholesterol and triglyceride levels and diet and exercise was stressed again and quarterly monitoring was necessary for the military side of things.  The military doctors, and myself, were not too terribly concerned with my health since I did not show any signs or symptoms of major conditions that warranted any further tests so once again I was let loose on my own accord to do as I pleased.  Looking back at this time I have to admit that God could have taken my life at any given moment during this time period.  I feel blessed to have the opportunity to have gone through many of the things I have witnessed, heard and spoken about and would not trade them for anything and I thank God every day that He has allowed me to live long enough that when I did need the immediate care it was readily available.

Football season means a great deal in my life. I watched it all while I was growing up and played it in high school and basically have enjoyed every aspect of the game up until this moment in my life.  The area in which I grew up in football was God and many people that live in these areas would be the first ones to admit that they even live their lives vicariously through their local team.  This is a common theme in the south and I was right in the heart of it.  What does this have to do with my heart attack?  Plenty and it was the continuation of my denial process which my pride overtook my reasoning and almost caused me to die.

Everyone who has been associated with high school football knows that once a year the football team has a homecoming game.  All the hoopla, parades, dresses, mums, etc glitter the school for an entire week that all leads up to the big game on Friday night or Saturday afternoon.  Well, this was the setting for my brush with digger as we made our way up to Grand Junction to watch a local team’s homecoming game.  As we began to approach the city limits it began to rain, now the end of September and early October in Colorado usually sees its share of rain so it was not too exciting to experience, but this rain was heavy and it continued to pour for some time which slowed our travel down to the stadium.

The closer we got to the city the more my family and myself began to reconsider the idea of sitting in a heavy rain storm watching a game, so we all did he smart thing and decided to go eat at a restaurant and go to the book store instead of attending the game.  As we were being seated, Bonnie looked at me and asked if I was feeling ok and my quick response was ok, which was a lie since I had not felt that great for a couple of days now.  My achiness had began after we had moved my oldest daughter from the upstairs room to the downstairs room in which I had convinced myself that I had pulled a muscle in my chest; my denial part one.  If you cannot carry out the garbage without having to change hands every five or six steps because of the pulling in your chest that is an example of denial.

I had no idea that I looked as bad as I felt but I tried my best to hide it as much as possible.  I even went to the bathroom in the restaurant and looked in the mirror and convinced myself that I looked fine and that Bonnie was just looking at me from a weird angle, but I still had a nagging voice in my head to do something about the situation.  So, I did I had a great dinner and even better time with my girls while at the restaurant.  We continued to watch the rain come down as we ate and made the final decision to skip the game and head over to the bookstore for a nice cup of coffee and to read a while.  The girls were excited because this meant that they would get to buy a few more books to read at home.

As we were leaving the restaurant I felt a sudden and sharp pain in the center of my chest, this was a different type of pain it felt deep and not surface like he previous day.  It caught me by surprise and by the time I realized what was going on it was gone and I returned back to my normal stride, but I quickly found out that Bonnie had noticed me slumped over for that brief moment and immediately started grilling me with questions.  So, I did the normal guy thing, ignored the question and played the pain down.  After a few moments of griping at me Bonnie eased her verbiage and got into the van.  As I raised my leg up to get into the van another sharp pain ran through the center of my chest but immediately left as I brought the rest of my body into the van.  I continued my pre-van start up procedures while not looking at the pair of eyes staring at me from the front passenger seat.  I felt better and proceeded to start the van and leave the restaurant parking lot.

The drive from the restaurant to the bookstore only took a few minutes.  The girls were bouncing up and down, not literally but inside their bodies, with the knowledge that soon they would be at one of their favorite places.  I do not believe that Bonnie took her eyes off of me during that entire drive to the bookstore and I continued to watch the road and not look to the right, which played into my hands since all of the turns I had to make going to the bookstore, were to the left.  I parked the van in an appropriate spot and off came the seatbelts from the back of the van and the side door flung open.  I sat in my seat for a second and wondered if I would begin to hurt again as I moved to get out.  Bonnie asked the inevitable question of “was I hurting” and I could honestly say to her that I was not at that moment.  But that would soon change as I got out of the van.

As soon as my feet hit the ground I felt a sharp grab from the center of my chest which I have to admit the pain almost made me sick.  But I shook it off and began to walk towards the bookstore, totally ignoring the question that Bonnie had just asked me.  I did not say much while walking into the building for this time the pain really did not let up like in the past.  My mind was trying to find any excuse to not recognize my pain and doing everything to justify the pain as related to moving furniture a couple of days before.  None of the classic symptoms of a heart attack was playing out including no pain in my neck, jaw or arms so once again I ignored the issue.

I have to admit that the bookstore is probably my favorite store to be in and I could probably spend an entire day in one just soaking up the atmosphere of the place.  When I enter into a bookstore my radar usually homes in on the History section of the store which is my favorite section.  But this visit was a tad different in the fact that I never made it past the open chair at the front of the store in which when I saw this chair I plopped down into it just as another sharp pain entered my center section.  I sat down and just stared into space, not really doing anything much, still trying to think some denial parts through.  After making sure the girls were in the children’s section of the store Bonnie came over to me and said that I looked terrible and said that we should leave and go to the hospital which I immediately said no to that idea but believed that going home would be a good idea.  This is when another pain hit me and I realized that I was beginning to sweat a bit, which I found sickening since it was in October in Colorado and this did not happen to me at this time of the year.

I agreed to go to the house but remained in the chair until Bonnie returned with two upset girls wondering why we had to leave so soon after we had arrived.  I slowly got up from the chair and began to walk out of the store but by now the pain had eased and I was feeling ok.  The rush of the cold and wet air with the opening of the doors sent a small pain through my chest when I took that first breath and another thought occurred to me, I had some type of chest cold that was making me ill.  The walk to the van was pretty much uneventful with the exception of the girls still questioning our departure.  It began to rain a bit as we got into the van but nothing like it was doing while we were driving up to Junction and in the restaurant.

Part II to follow….

DLB